I have been asking around what the lowest rank in the Army is, but no one would tell me.
Apparently it is private.
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︎ Jan 27 2021
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out
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︎ Oct 13 2020
In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.
This will eliminate 75% of Americaβs car bunny missions.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 02 2020
My father was in the army...
And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me itβs a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child.
Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass itβs bowels, but nothing was working.
One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasnβt the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.
βWhy donβt you just admit it Harryβ, she said;
but he stuck to his denial,
βYou think I could ever do something like this Sarahβ, he said.
Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.
My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said βWell if the Foux shits...β
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︎ Dec 03 2020
After I joined the army, I served in a furious war of Iraq , when we came home, I was sent to jail, I don't understand why......
My lieutenant said , fire in the hole and I fired In his hole .
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 29 2020
When I was in the Army, the drill Sergeant once shouted at me, WHAT DOES SURRENDER MEAN ?!!
π︎ 15
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︎ Aug 27 2020
What did the stout, starving sergeant eat in the army?
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 12 2020
What do pigs learn in the army?
π︎ 120
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︎ Dec 21 2019
Why was the writer comfortable in the army?
He was familiar with the magazines.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.
You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran
π︎ 31
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︎ Feb 14 2020
What do you call a man in the resistance army?
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 18 2020
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 19 2020
TIL about a sneak attack in WWII, in which Norwayβs Skiing Soldiers deprived the German army of the atomic bomb.
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 30 2020
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, β1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.β
βIt was quite a hectic evening.β
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︎ Mar 01 2019
My grandfather was a baker in the army.
He went in all buns glazing.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Aug 19 2018
Son: Hey Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
π︎ 311
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︎ Dec 31 2018
I had the pleasure of serving under one of the calmest commanders in the US Army
General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 17 2020
I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 27 2019
A soldier in egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 11 2019
I'm lucky to have survived Mustard gas and pepper spay when I was in the Army.
I guess you could say that I'm a seasoned vet...
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 24 2018
What do you call a chef that used to be in the army?
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 21 2019
What do you call small children in the army?
π︎ 19
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︎ Nov 17 2018
What do you call a snack that is in the army?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 28 2018
What's the highest rank in the popcorn army?
π︎ 21
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︎ Jul 13 2018
When I was in the army, our captain told us to dress as water dwelling birds, make quaking noises and just recline lazily in order to blend into the environment. But I doubted how effective that would be.
I was sure weβd be sitting ducks.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 05 2019
What do you call a bird in the army?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 29 2019
Two army men in the bathroom
Two army men are using the bathroom and after wash their hands. A navy man walks in does his business and is begging to leave with out washing his hands, until and army men asks didnβt they teach you wash your hands in the navy. The navy man replied yes but they also taught us not to piss on our hands...
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 16 2018
My Step-Dad was telling a story about when he got carbon monoxide poisoning when he was in the Army.
I asked "Did you tell your... CO?"
He didn't get it.
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 04 2017
As an American army private during WWII, how did my great-uncle fight in the Battle of the Bulge...
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 27 2018
My son asked me: Dad did you get shot in the army?
No son. I got shot in the leggy
π︎ 205
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︎ Mar 03 2019
My son asked me, "Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?"
I replied, "No, but I was shot in the leggy."
π︎ 465
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︎ May 28 2017
My grandad was a Baker before he went into the army, he went in all buns glazing
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 27 2019
Dad, did you get shot in the army?
No son, I actually got shot in the leggy.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 09 2019
Dad, were you shot in the army?
No son, I was shot in the leggy.
π︎ 25
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︎ Oct 05 2018
A son asked his dad if he was ever shot in the army
He responded with βNo I was shot in the leggyβ
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 07 2019
I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: "What does surrender mean?" I said: "I give up!"
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 27 2019
"Were you shot in the army, Dad?"
"No son, I was shot in the foot."
π︎ 32
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︎ Nov 13 2018
My Grandfather was a baker in the Army
He went in all buns glazing
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 27 2018
Son: Dad did you get shot in the army?
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
π︎ 29
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︎ Jul 23 2018
Son - Did you ever get shot in the army?
Dad - No, I got shot in the leggy.
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 22 2018
Son: dad, did you every get shot in the army?
Dad: no. I got shot in the leggy
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 20 2018
My grandad was a baker in the army
He went in all buns glazing
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 26 2018
Shot in the army
Son: "Hey dad"
Dad: "Hey son"
Son: "Were you ever shot in the army?"
The dad gets tears in his eyes, as he looks up remembering the distant past. He turns to his son with a solemn face.
Dad: "No, but I was shot in the leggy"
π︎ 15
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︎ Jul 28 2017
Dad, did you get shot at in the army?
No son. I only got shot in the leggy.
π︎ 100
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︎ Jul 01 2016
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