In Records Puns

A list of puns related to "In Records"

I went to a store that specialized in hard to find records and tapes.

Nothing was alphabetized. - Mitch Hedberg

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/PlanetKi
📅︎ Dec 26 2022
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guinness Book of world records

But then the librarian asked me to take it out

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/ComfortableNo2879
📅︎ Dec 11 2022
🚨︎ report
My right thumb was in the Guinness Book of World Records.

I was using it to mark my place.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/Keauxbi
📅︎ Nov 29 2022
🚨︎ report
Where in the vintage vinyl store does the Terminator direct you for classic baroque records?

"Aisle 'B', Bach."

👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/ButtahChicken
📅︎ Oct 25 2022
🚨︎ report
I found a box in the basement with “please retain for your records” written on it.

It was a turntable.

👍︎ 12
💬︎
👤︎ u/DeeEmm
📅︎ May 20 2022
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guinness book of World records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

(Not OC but I thought it was too good of a joke not to share in case you haven’t heard it yet)

👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/zkdm-24
📅︎ Feb 24 2022
🚨︎ report
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...

Expunge Bob

👍︎ 14
💬︎
👤︎ u/GeoffInNC
📅︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to get myself in the guinness world records for the oldest man alive, but it's taking me a long time
👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Panda2377
📅︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , “bury me with records galore”

It was his vinyl resting place

👍︎ 12
💬︎
👤︎ u/Josentangles
📅︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

👍︎ 29
💬︎
👤︎ u/johnnydarko-
📅︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
what do mosquito bites and vinyl records have in common?

They both scratch.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/ajjanialthor
📅︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records

Then the librarian asked me to take it out.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/Junior-Question-2638
📅︎ Apr 17 2022
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records....

The librarian then asked me to take it out and leave before she called the police.

👍︎ 28
💬︎
👤︎ u/Tinnber
📅︎ Mar 08 2022
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guiness Book of World Records...

Until the librarian asked me to take it out.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/b3dl4
📅︎ Feb 28 2022
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me to take it out.

👍︎ 32
💬︎
👤︎ u/trace826621
📅︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My penis was recently in the Guinness Book of World records

At least until the Librarian caught me.

👍︎ 70
💬︎
👤︎ u/Retro-Camel420
📅︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.