Father of six hereβ¦ my kids love dad jokes at the dinner table. Mom is less enthusiastic. Today, my eleven year old decided to get in on the action: βwhat are twins favorite fruits?β
Pearsβ¦ And then he proceeded to fall out of his chair laughing. Meanwhile mom wants to know how she couldβve tested for this before getting in too deep.
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︎ Oct 30 2021
It's easy to fall in love with a taser if it hits you
They really are quite stunning
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︎ Sep 20 2021
I was living on a house boat and fell in love with the Girl Next Door.
But Sadly, we drifted apart.
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︎ Sep 16 2021
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
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︎ Aug 13 2021
I love honey in my tea!
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︎ Oct 25 2021
What do you call two salads madly in love?
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︎ Nov 09 2021
What made the arsonist fall in love?
He found his perfect match π₯π§¨
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︎ Oct 10 2021
I think I might be falling in love with my radiator.
It gives me a lovely warm feeling inside.
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︎ Sep 30 2021
What do you call two birds in love?
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︎ Oct 25 2021
Falling in love is dangerous.
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︎ Apr 19 2021
I'm a sentimental guy. Absolutely LOVE putting my vehicle in reverse.
It really takes me back man.
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︎ Sep 23 2021
So theres this one guy in my class Jaro who loves field trips but...
He was visibly scared when he heard we were going to kilimanjaro.
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︎ Oct 10 2021
How do you get a country girl to fall in love with you?
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︎ Sep 02 2021
Two Italians in love with the same girl decide to show off their cars to see which would impress her more.
It was a competition to see who was the alpha Romeo.
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︎ Aug 22 2021
Capitalization makes the whole difference in a sentence. For example: I love to eat candy
I love to eat capitalization.
See... They're like two completely different sentences.
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︎ Jul 20 2021
I wouldn't say I'm in love with somersaults..
But I am head over heels when it comes to them.
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︎ Aug 30 2021
Two TV antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony was nothing special, but...
the reception was excellent!
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︎ Aug 16 2021
Why did the dust bunny fall in love with the roomba?
Because it was swept off itβs feet
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︎ Aug 22 2021
How can you find a Pharaoh's love room in a pyramid?
You follow the Pharaoh moans.
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︎ Aug 26 2021
What do we call it when two airline workers fall in love on an airplane?
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︎ Jul 31 2021
Why couldn't the owl find love in a rain storm?
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︎ Aug 15 2021
I heard a cactus fell in love with a fruit tree.
They make a prickly pear.
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︎ May 23 2021
I was in love with a doctor so I'd always get into car crashes... When she asked why I'm always getting in accidents, I told her "so I.C.U"
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︎ Jul 30 2021
Two blood cells met and fell in love
but alas it was all in vein.
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︎ Jul 03 2021
A woman once told me she didnβt believe in love at first sight
So I told her, βSo, do you want me to leave and come back?β
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︎ Aug 14 2021
I saw two skunks in love.
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︎ Jul 28 2021
I love it when people use "plethora" in conversation.
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︎ Jul 08 2021
I love doing labrynths, they're awesome right? To sum it up in a word...
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︎ Jul 29 2021
I once fell in love with a melon farmerβs daughter. But when I asked if she wanted to run away and get married in secret, she turned me down.
She told me she cantaloupe.
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︎ May 22 2021
In love with Carbon
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
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︎ Jun 02 2021
I love swimming in a large pool of orange liquid
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︎ Jun 13 2021
I Canβt Herb Falling in Love With You
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︎ Apr 03 2021
Fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels
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︎ Mar 29 2021
What can you do for a tortoise that was falling in love but now is only falling apart?
Nothing you can do, itβs a turtle eclipse of the heart
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︎ May 20 2021
I love GOLD , but *A* is silent in it!#chem punsΖͺ(Λβ£Λ)Κβ(β
ο½β)β
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︎ Dec 26 2020
A Little Town In Mexico And Their Love Of Mayonnaise
There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. Theyβd have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldnβt get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as βSinko De Mayo.β
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︎ May 05 2021
What happened to the two criminals who met at the courthouse during their trials and fell deeply in love with each other?
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︎ May 21 2021
Initially, I despised sheltering in place, but now I love it!
I think itβs Stuck-home Syndrome
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︎ Apr 18 2021
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I fell in love with a cardiologist
She knows what my heart needs.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, βWill you still love me when Iβm old, fat, and balding?β She smiled and answered...
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︎ Mar 27 2021
In todayβs inclusive culture; people are finding love from many sources. One lady was dating her closet; but, unfortunately the love affair ended.
The lady didnβt like her loverβs many hang ups.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
How did the fire fall in love?
It found its perfect match!
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︎ Jul 28 2021
Two blood cells met and fell in love
but alas it was all in vein.
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︎ Jul 03 2021
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