What’s long, surprisingly bigger then expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from

A limousine

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MF62SW
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"

Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder? Wife: ...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ovrwrkdundrpaid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What is blue in color and not much heavy?

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_clickhere_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to put an end to color-based segregation in my household...

...however my wife disagrees, and is no longer letting me use the washing machine.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagle4523
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
It has actually been confirmed in a recent Batman comic that Robin's dick has no color at all.

Dick gray, son!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedBlade
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best color in the entire world?

Hy-purple-y!

Made up by my 7-year old daughter. So proud

Edit: should have spelled it hy-purple-e

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beetlebath
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A teacher told a student that no two people see color in the exact same way.

The student then asked...Does this mean that color is a pigment of your imagination?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?

The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know some words (like color/colour or favorite/ favourite) are spelled differently in the US than in the UK?

It's because when the United States declared independence, they said, "we don't want u anymore."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlakaDAYUM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I dreamt about colors that can't exist in the real world...

...but in the end, they're just pigments of my imagination.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Turqoise is the best color in the world

It's cyantifically proven

It blue my mind

I'm quite purplexed

I red it on the internet

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGamerBoy015
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What color are stores in Los Angeles?

LAvendor

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Do we really dream in color?

Or is it just a pigment of our imagination?

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
John started working in a color pigment company...

John started working in a color pigment company which specialises in mixing and editing different color pigments according to their customers's demands. Once the color pigments were done, they would be mailed out to the customers with a detailed note commenting on the properties of the produced color pigments. John was placed in the 'Pink Pigment' department which was incidentally between the 'Red Pigment' and 'White Pigment' departments. He was really good at his job and was constantly praised for the great work he produced.

However after a month or so, John found that a number of his work was being duplicated and mailed to almost all of his customers. Worse of all, instead of a proper note commenting on the color pigment properties, these duplicated products were accompanied with rather bad puns and jokes. One repeating joke which irritated him the most was: 'What do you call a country with only pink cars? A pink car-nation.'

Upset, he went to his manager to complain about the problem. After listening to John, his manager said, "Oh boy, looks like I need to talk to the manager of the 'Red Pigment' department again. This is not the first time that it has happened. Those Red-editors in that department love to copy and repost other people's original work as their own."
John then asked, "How are you so sure that it was them who are responsible?"
His manager replied, "Well, you can be certain that it is them as they always love jokes or puns especially in the comment section."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL Pontiac Grand Am's were originally only sold in one color burnt orange.

The Grand Yam.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vitamanpanguins81
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report
More (mediocre) OC in honor of a woman who lived a bright and colorful life. We will miss you, RBG.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeeveryoneup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
So I used to have an interest in coloring fabrics, but I decided to make puns instead.

Basically, if I couldn't make puns, I'd dye.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magicoddeffect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the first person in a colored photo say?

Color me impressed!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Icystuff
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
From my 8 year old: Dad, how do camels hide from predators?

Me: Their fur is the same color as the desert so they blend in.

Her: Exactly! They camel-flage!

I walked right into that one lol

πŸ‘︎ 307
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshuaquiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
We were learning about politics and discrimination in class. Our teacher told us to grab colored pencils.

He then corrected himself. What he meant to say, was pencils of color.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sparky_
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My Asian friend owns a business where he twists and binds white t-shirts then soaks them in colored liquid...

I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do this joke and taking a sip of food coloring have in common?

They'll both make you dye a little on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahwitz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
🚨︎ report
I warned my wife not to put food coloring in our kids food

Don’t want them to dye inside!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Luckj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
i wonder what's in the box... maybe sum colorful eminems? πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NebelNacho
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A cats favorite color is...

Yellow, because they certainly seem to color the furniture in it a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves

He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.

πŸ‘︎ 259
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/13zamanis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
🚨︎ report
In what state do you watch a priest, sneeze, and sit down?

massachusetts.

It gets worse. My kids and I have a ton of these for different states. Should it be one thread?

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blurose262
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his β€œpromposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment

Today I held up three colored balls in my hand. One red, one green, and one blue. My 1yr old son (after much debate) chose the red one. I’ve never been so proud. He has earned the right to play with my old game boy now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Engineer_7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Food contamination warning!

Hope this is the right sub but this is something I need to share. Do not eat peanuts right now, if you do examine them carefully. There has been a fungus that has infected most of the peanut crops in north America. From the outside they look fine but if you bite into the nut you may notice a small black center. By then it's too late. The black center at early stages can cause digestive issues but if the entire nut is black it can cause failure of the nervous system and respiratory complications. There are pests that have laid their eggs in these plants and tiny microorganisms have developed in these plants. They leech into the fruit causing the black color. Ingestion can cause all sorts of troubles from diarrhea to death. These creatures are fatal. That's why you should always watch out for the creature from the black legume.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prawncracker92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So my friend asked me where the colored printers in the library where

I told him its 2015, segregation is over and he can use whatever printer he wanted.

I got the groan and he walked away to ask the librarian...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSnuhhh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Julie Andrews will no longer be supporting cheap lipstick? It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.

In a quote she said "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis".

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yougotyolks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A man with a gold claim in Alaska was cursed.

At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.

One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.

The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.

The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.

In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.

A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.

The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.

After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.

The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL there are 1000 types of bananas

They vary in color a lot. The ones that are lightest in shade are so because they lacatan.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rdegannes87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Iron Bowl humor

Q: Did you hear that U of Alabama's library burned? A: It's true! They lost all 3 of their coloring books!

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on campus at U of A? A: A visitor!

Q: What do a maggot and a U of A fan have in common? A: They can both live off a dead bear for twenty years.

Q: How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 80,001. 1 to change the bulb, 80,000 to talk about how great the old lightbulb was.

Q: How do you make Alabama cookies? A: Put em in a bowl and whip em for 60 minutes.

Q: Did you hear Saban was going to dress up 20 players for the Iron Bowl? A: The rest will have to dress themselves.

Q: Alabama is changing their mascot to the Opossums. A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do Alabama players get on their SATs? A: Drool.

War Eagle!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joblessidiot420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter tried doing her first load of laundry by herself. All the colors bled and intermixed.

"Well," she said. "It did say on the clothing labels to wash in, like, colors."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Playing with fire in my Chemistry lab class

In our groups, we were assigned to burn certain mystery elements, and figure out which element they were based on the color of the flame. When we were done, I told my group that we had just become Fire Distinguishers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Duke_Platinum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Turquoise is the best color in the world..

It’s been cyantifically proven

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimHP
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
When You Dream

When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J0U5N3YF4N
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why I always put food coloring in my food.

I'm on a dye it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4StoryADay4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.