I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.

It's just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowdoggo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.

I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up...

...but this morning it’s just water under the fridge

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aswaim2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Once a man assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese.

How dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPoon23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you break into a cold lock?

With an ice pick.πŸ˜€

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/19chevy79
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Busted out this gem after only three weeks of being a dad

I picked up my daughter after being outside in the cold and she started squirming from the touch of my ice cold hands. My wife asked for her back and I said "not unless you pry her from my cold dad hands"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hubetronic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
🚨︎ report
I stayed in Australia for a while and was rewarded with the ultimate Dad story

My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.

tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job

Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not β€” when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.

As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was to disturb the animals for as little time as possible.

I thought it was the most ridiculous thing when he told me, but he got the job through his dad's researcher colleague. Basically, the deal was they would get people to go down for 3-month periods (I think he ended up doing 6 months) and this was his occupation for that time. Actually, is plane flight there was one of the really cool parts: LA went to Sydney, which then went back across the Pacific to Buenos Aires. Then, on the final leg, he would finally go Buenos Aires to the research station. The planes actually had to be specially fitted for the job, though β€” Of course, you can't have typical runways in Antarctica because they'd get ice all over them and there'd be all these problems β€” so the planes had to have mechanics on board each flight who would, mid-flight, switch out the take-off wheels for the landing skis. Just like a sea plane, except it was a snow-plane. Coolest thing ever.

Oh, but the way he described working with the penguins was the best! Most of the time he'd just go out and stand them up, but sometimes one would hurt itself. Like one time one of them fell over backwards and hit its foot the wrong way, so he had to not only pick it up, but give medical help, too. He seriously had to prop up the penguin, take off his glove, and pull on each of the penguins little webbed toes, pull on their legs. Sort of like how I'm pulling your leg right now.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/L1AM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Vulgar Dad/Uncle Joke

This was told to me by my father's older brother but thought it belongs here.

I repeated this as a 7 year old during Christmas dinner to everyone.

A penguin was driving along in the desert when all of the sudden his engine begin smoking. Luckily there was a mechanic shop near by so he dropped his car off. The mechanic said it will be an hour or two. The penguin decides to wonder around the small town and sees a grocery store. To beat the heat he heads to the frozen section and hops in the ice cream cooler. He sees a tub of his favorite vanilla ice cream so he opens it up and digs in. Two hours go by and he hops out of the cooler and heads back to the shop to pick up his car. The mechanic say "You blew a seal." The penguin wipes his mouth and say "Oh no it's vanilla ice cream."

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swimfan09
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
🚨︎ report
Only people in winter states will get it...

Forklift battery was dead this morning when I got to work, The boss told me to send one of the techs to buy a battery and to pick up some salt for the ice on the driveway.. I sent a tech to pick up the stuff, he came back a few minutes later and said he was concerned about "A Salt And Battery"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bionic80
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Towtruck

So my cousin found a cooler on the side of the road and stopped, picked it up, cleaned it out, and asked if anyone wanted it for their boat or whatever.

My dad looks at me and says "I found a cooler full of ice on the side of the road, I opened it up and inside there was a toe wrapped in a towel."

I look at him and say "Wow! A real toe? Did you call the cops?"

He looks at me and says "No, I called a 'toe'truck!"

Him and my cousin(also a dad) have been laughing about it for the past hour.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/backb0ne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.