I searched online but the website I went on said I had to accept its cookie policy first.
He said: "I don't remember much of it... It was all Greek to me."
My wife just received this email from her dad.
http://imgur.com/UA3kgN1
So I came across a word today in my reading that I had heard before and was able to deduce it's likely meaning based in the context it was used, however, to be safe, I looked it up anyway and while reading the book definition came up with what I hope is an original pun (phrase)...
Context: When someone is giving you a hard time you can say, "stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster"
lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly
If someone makes a pun, you have to reply in a pun... but it has to be on the same topic as the original pun. Sooooooooooooooooooo my friend had the most clever, best pun of all time... A 3 word combo. The topic was dairy... and he made a pun I didn't quite catch... so with his wit, he responded "I guess that one flew right pasteurize" My mind was shattered...
Dad was visiting last week, talking about his household projects he did. He mentioned that he got his septic tank emptied before winter, and that 'it was a shitty job'. He then tells me that his neighbor also had to get his tank emptied, so the service truck also emptied the neighbor's tank at the same time. He smiles and says, "Well, my neighbor and I finally got our shit together!"
He said he was very proud of himself for making an original pun like that. I patted him on the shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, "I can always appreciate an organic pun."
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
But then I changed my mind
He picked up the hammer and saw.
(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)
He re-Poe-ed them.
Now I know how to properly use the royal wii.
They pared up nicely.
https://imgur.com/gallery/6xrn4EV
They’re just optical illusions.
After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.
I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!
What do you call a Jamaican acupuncturist? A Pokemon!
Only a fraction of you will understand that
Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!
Because it's tearable!
I know this is not original (plenty of renditions out there), but my 8 year old made it up herself. So not only is it original to her, she made my day.
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Upon further reflection i decided to leave
I just thought this up I hope its an original one
"I have my Riesens!”
It will be a sadder day.
The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, “Why so quiet ? Don’t you like to have some boisterous fun ?” The cats replied, “Oh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.”
PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)
He was the original trip advisor.
but all the good ones Argon
Did You Know…
In Las Vegas there are more Catholic Churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed In.
This is done by the chip monks.
My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.
Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.
I said... “That definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a ‘re-laughse’!”
Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.
https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv
Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U
I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.
This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.
Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.
So I said to the French girl, «quelque chose». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"
I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.
A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. «quelque chose» is the French phrase for "something".
He's someone who has been very creative in his ways when he delivers his jokes to his victims, I'm a bit ashamed I didn't see this one coming
He called me on the phone, saying he needed help with doing something, sounding fairly serious on phone. He said "soljakwinever I need your help with something on amazon. I keep searching for lighters and it's not working right. Can you open it on your phone for me" Recently he's been asking me for help with some computer stuff, I built it for him lately and it's got nothing problems, blue screens over stuff, he's very smart but I wouldn't say he's anywhere near 'tech-literate'. But his is getting issues like I've never seen. So I assumed he needed help with something like that. I answered "Sure Bryan. Let my just open the app." Pulling Amazon up on my phone. "So what did you need help with? Something about lighters" I ask. He replies still sounding serious "I keep searching for lighters and the app keeps showing me matches. Can you try it and see if that happens to me too." I type 'Lighter' into the search bar, submit the search and looking at my results, seeing product listings for lighters. "Looks normal to me. I'm seeing nothing but lighters" He responds starting to crack "Yeah! Nothing but matches!"
I got played.
EDIT: Wording fix
But then I changed my mind
...but then I changed my mind.
