I found this small stick with one end coated with a material that can be ignited by frictional heat. It made me feel loved, wholesome and beautiful.

Like a match made in heaven.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lum1nar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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My friend was feeling a little down. He loves puns so I gave him a list of ten of them that I thought would make him laugh...

Sadly, no pun in ten did

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YooGeOh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 01 2021
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I finally arrived after being a father for nearly 10 years...

My kids want peanut butter and jelly for lunch everyday. I made Tuna fish yesterday and they all loved it and wanted it for lunch today.

On my daughter's way out of the car this morning I said,

"I hope you enjoy the "alTunative" to pbj."

She got it and I finally feel worthy.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 15 2021
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I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat

especially when it's on cruise control

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/slackbladerered
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Von_Bostaph
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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โ€œAre you a pencil? โ€˜Cause youโ€™re lookinโ€™ SHARP!โ€

Edit: You guys are super funny and I love this! Keep em coming! Itโ€™s such a problem you donโ€™t realize how much Iโ€™m getting pandemic kids in my chair that just have anxiety about being out again and getting their hair cut and everything (who wouldnโ€™t feel that way, right?!) You guys are giving me excellent material to make these kids feel a little more off their guard and more normal. I love you all

Technically a mom joke because Iโ€™m a mom but I get my best material here to tell the kids in my chair when I cut their hair. Funny jokes set them at ease and itโ€™s so much more fun

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Listless_Mistress
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2021
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โ€œI love the feeling when I can make people open up to me.โ€

- Mike, 48, surgeon

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/randomredditor512
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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After the car crash that left me brain-damaged, things were really looking down

I used to be a crustaceologist that specialised in lobsters. I loved what I did, but I couldn't even get out of the house on my own after the accident, much less go to work. I fell into a deep depression.

My scientist friends wanted to cheer me up, and so they engineered a robot lobster that I could take care of. It was incredibly smart and slowly became my best friend. It was incredibly friendly and playful. It made every day a little bit brighter. I loved it like my own child. I named it Amy, after my beloved daughter that had moved away. For the first time since my disability, I started to feel truly happy. Motivated, I decided to go for brain surgery and finally get past the entire incident. It was risky, but I made it through. Life is better than its ever been now, and I owe it all to that one robot that changed it all.

Everything is so much better now, all thanks to my Lob-bot amy

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sparsh26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2021
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Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?

Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/professorf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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I think I might be falling in love with my radiator.

It gives me a lovely warm feeling inside.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/incredibleinkpen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2021
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Thank you

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you ๐Ÿ’–

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xcixjames
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fartingpinetree
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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I hate most numbers. The number 2 is definitely second rate, and 3 looks like fish lips. Donโ€™t even get me started on the numbers 4 through 9. 0 means nothing to me.

Should I feel bad for hating so many numbers? Nah. God just wants us to love everyone.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SuddenSasquatch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 08 2021
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For the notorious dad joker who wants to melt a heart

Try out this almost joke that my 8 year old used on me this morning โ€ฆ

Knock Knock.

Whose there?

Good.

Good who?

Good Morning, I love you.

โ€ฆโ€ฆ

โ€ฆโ€ฆ

He caught me off guard and turned me into a puddle.

Feel free to try it out on your unsuspecting loved ones. Theyโ€™ll never see it coming from someone who is usually full of the jokes.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LALNB
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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what did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile?

โ€œrobin, get in the batmobileโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NoPhunlntended
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Just told my wife this one after she said she was fat, I'm in trouble

Wife : "I feel fat, do you still love me?"

Me : "I'll love you thru Thikk and thin"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Throwaway899656
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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My dad's pick-up line recommendation

So I'm having lunch with the family, and a girl walks in with a Google t shirt.

My dad leans in to me and whispers, "You should go ask that girl if she's 'searching' for you..."

Edit: told my dad about the turnout of this post during dinner and he told me he'd turn my Moto X phone into a Moto Ex phone if I kept using it during family meals. Looks like the fun never ends...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chunkymonkeyman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2014
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The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because theyโ€™ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his โ€œpromposalโ€ special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that sheโ€™s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, heโ€™s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesnโ€™t return his feelings? What if she thinks heโ€™s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and heโ€™s even more anxious. Itโ€™s dark, itโ€™s loud, itโ€™s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks itโ€™s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying sheโ€™s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if sheโ€™d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like heโ€™s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesnโ€™t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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A pun or two about magicians and their antics

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SirZbear
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Why did J. S. Bach always wear really skimpy bathing suits?

He loved to feel the air on the G string.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MGreenMN
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Just Dad Joked my Geology Class

While learning about atoms, my instructor said that covalent bonds were the strongest bonds. I said, "I always thought Sean Connery was the strongest Bond." So many groans. I could feel the eye rolls. I love being the old guy in class.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TingleSack
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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If you guys are gonna tell a joke, tell the whole thing. Did you hear about the Italian chef?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.

it was a farfalle from grace.

Edit: Whoa! Woke up to so many upvotes! Thank you!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alftrazign
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2018
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All she wanted was Root Beer

While standing at the register of a New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood Co, the lady taking our order asked what we would like to drink. My girlfriend responds "I want some barq's!" To which I promptly replied, "woof, woof, WOOF!" 0 laughs or smiles and I could feel the air around me thicken with dad joke cringe. Fuck it, I loved it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ddesla2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/capitolpuns
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Potterheads Assemble!

Fleur Fudge's Snape, how many times must I say that I Love-good Harry Potter Puns. I could Mun-go on and on. I don't wand you to feel bad tho.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheReal_BlueBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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My friend got REALLY mad at me for punning, advice needed!

My best friend lives on the East Coast. Iโ€™m on the West. He often streams his games over Skype so I can hang out and watch. He was playing the Witcher 3, and fighting the water monster men. I said โ€œThey just want to know the shape of you,โ€ and he coincidentally died at that moment.

He got really, really mad. I always knew my puns annoyed him a little, but when I was sad, heโ€™d tell dumb puns heโ€™d google to cheer me up. But he just went into a tangent on how much puns annoy him and how he doesnโ€™t get that I keep doing them over and over again every day whenever I talk with him. Trying to stop or cut back on puns would be pretty difficult and make me sad; I love witty wordplay and commentary, and bottling it up feels awful. But apparently it really, really annoys him.

What should I do?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FuIIofDETERMINATION
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.

You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.

The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.

The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.

Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.

Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.

But so far, I've quit cold turkey.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/M3gaC00l
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Dad and daughter come into the restaurant I work at. He was crackin me up the whole time.

They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.

Dad: How do you pronounce that one?

Me: Falafel?

Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..

Daughter: (Face palm)

.

EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.

.

and again..

.

Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.

Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.

Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)

Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Riggy60
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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I am allergic to suicide

It's so bad, it could kill me

(Alright. Suicide is nothing to joke about and if you have suicidal thoughts, please try to get help. I did and I feel better than a few years ago. Just remeber that you are important and that I love you)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/I_Am_A_Lambeosaurus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 36
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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I'm still chortling about this one a month later.

As a new(ish) dad I feel it's my duty to really bring all the dad jokes to the yard. Lately it's been coming a bit more naturally.

The Girlfriend and I were sitting on the couch and she was talking about how much she loved all the prizes and gifts that Ellen is always giving out on her show.

My response: "I heard she is going to stop giving things away, so she's changing her name to Ellen Deselfish."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 103
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/suicidal_smrtcar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
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Mom approved

I came home for a weekend and my mother was catching me up on some current events in the family.

Her: Oh yeah, your cousin has enlisted in the Navy and he's going to training pretty soon.

Me: Wow, how does the family feel about that?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well, are they... pause... All aboard with the idea?

both can't contain laughter

Everyone in my family is witty and we all love dad jokes so we always have a good time around the dinner table.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 859
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tatswithgats
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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Puns to make you all laugh!

Hey everyone! First day on Reddit and would love to make a good start. Here are a few puns to cheer up your day :

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast

When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

What's the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to Planet.

To write with a broken pencil ,is pointless.

A frog robbed a bank. It was the first time it Kermited a crime.

I used to have a fear of hurdles ,but I got over it.

There you go everyone! Hope you all enjoyed it and if at all cheered your day up! Feel free to leave some feedback :)

Cheers

  • KingAaronCOC
๐Ÿ‘︎ 52
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KingAaronCOC
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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I just picked up my car from the mechanic...

Iโ€™d love to say they did a good job, but it feels like itโ€™s really braking.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PHPWarrior
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Wanted to make an extra cheesy Valentine for my SO who hates commercial holidays but loves puns.

"I camembert if Iโ€™ve told you today, but just in queso I havenโ€™t, you're looking sharp! I havarti accepted you stilton love โ€œcheesyโ€ holidays, but ricotta think things can only get feta with a little roman(ce)o. It colby just me, but I swiss you very much when weโ€™re apart. Itโ€™s cheddar when weโ€™re together because then I donโ€™t feel provolone. I think we go gouda together, and I want to grow mold with you. Wheel you brie my valentine?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 42
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/acertaingestault
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2016
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A husband comes home and finds his amputee wife lying in the bathtub with the shower head on, crying.

He feels pity at the sight and asks "What's wrong, love?" She turns to him and says "I can't stand showering without my legs"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ironfist221
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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On a more serious note

Hey r/dadjokes. So my dad passed away suddenly about 6 months ago. I just wanted to let you know that this subreddit makes me feel closer to my dad, because he would have loved all the jokes posted on here. So thanks users, and to all the amazing dads out there telling these jokes.

Here's a favorite one from my dad.

When I was little, my dad told me he invented the door. He said he invented the door because he wanted privacy in the bathroom. And I believed him for years.

Love you, Dad. I miss you.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
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Dadjoked my *now* ex-girlfriend while she was breaking up with me.

So, today my girlfriend broke up with me. To keep it short, we were together for a few month and everything happened really fast. Bla bla bla, she said something about how she always felt comfortable around me but never could develop any strong love feelings for me.

She: "This week I was thinking a lot about us, our relationship and future and I took off my 'cheesy being-in-love-glasses' Me: Well, I know you're still wearing your contacts..." (she actually did)

So I got that going for me which was nice. But now I'm sad.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 296
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Germerica
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 77
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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