I've been searching all over YouTube for my favorite U2 song
But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
If someone asks you to chop all his firewood for him, should you be nice and do it for nothing?
For my son's third birthday, I am gifting you all with this joke.
How is a child like a salamander?
Because they axolotl questions.
I found out a way to make money in the summertime. When you go to bed, you turn off all electronics except for one......
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't used their muscles at all for the past year?
Did you know NASA sent cheddar to the moon to say sorry for all the misconceptions?
For all of you people that have Only Fans…
When do you plan to upgrade to air conditioners?
what do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?
Did you know the lead for Nickelback has been in the nativity scene across all 50 States for 30 years?
He stopped doing it after 30 years. He's played a sheep, a cow, Joseph, and even Mary once...
It turns out he never made it as a wiseman
Have you heard about this new meal plan from Leonardo DiCaprio? He used it to get in shape for all his roles, and now he’s letting everyone else in on it for $10 a month.
It’s called the Pay Leo Diet.
If a gang of clowns is coming for you and all you have is a butter knife,
you need to go for the juggler.
My Grandpa used to say, “If it wasn’t for me, you’d all be speaking German right now.”
Lovely man… terribly bad foreign language teacher—no idea why the school hired him.
PSA for all guys who are bald and unhappy about it: you should tattoo rabbits all over your head...
Because from a distance they look like hairs.
(I blame all of you for this!) To whomever stole my rock tumbler... I WILL FIND YOU!!
No stone will go unturned!
🤗
Did you hear they shared the recipes for all Heinz condiments online?
Yeah, they’re open sauce now
I understand that you guys all like to distribute the playing cards for each hand that we play during poker night…
But if you could just let me do it, that would be the ‘ideal’ situation.
My army buddy said his unit saw a plane flying overhead with a banner saying, "Thank you for all you do."
It was not what they were expecting when they called in air support.
I have a cow joke for all of you...
You probably haven’t herd of it.
A lil joke for my swiss ppl out there (you have all my love)
https://preview.redd.it/phwxjjhktcz61.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=f977c05db5fe9ea3e65904f04f47b6f6d9438c4d
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
What do you call a procrastinator who has others do all the work for them?
Please answer soon, thanks!
Heres a bit of advice for you all
Did you hear that McDonalds gave all their employees large laptops for Christmas?
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
For all you Newtonian physicists out there...
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
For those of you who are asking where they store all these nice jokes
It's saved in the dad-a-base
This isn’t mine and I don’t know who made it, but it’s been on my phone for so many years and I haven’t seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
Meeting famous YouTube stars at PAX East calls for all the puns...
Who wrote the song: "All I want for exile, is you"
My 9 year old returns with another joke for you all!
What is the stupidest thing in the universe?
A black hole, because it's so dense!
For all you Photoshop fans out there
A pun I thought up driving to work this morning and sketched for you all!
I have a question for you all
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Thought you all might enjoy the art I made for new ears eve
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: “Ugh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”
“That was pepper spray.”
Got me!
I've got a joke for all you mind readers out there
Son: "Hey Dad, Happy 25th Anniversary. Jeez! Almost all my friend's parents are divorced. What did you have to do to stay married for this long?"
Sorry I’m late for cinco de Mayo. What do you call churros that have sat out on your counter all day?
A bilingual pun for you all
You can ask Rick Astley for his collection of Pixars movies all you want
He's never gonna give you Up
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. “Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.
For all you Mario fans out there...
For all you folks living with diabetes... (My daughter and I both have type 1.) Here’s the joke — What do you say when the waitress at the Mexican restaurant asks you if you want sauce with your carne asada?
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