My coworker asked me why I was walking around like a duck and being so hyper, I told her "It's because I'm addicted to quack"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TonyDabis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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My friend is getting famous for his hyper realistic pictures of people enjoying different sporting events.

He really knows how to draw a crowd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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Hyper dog tries to eat batteries

At work we have a policy where you can bring your dog. Today Frank the dog was in the office. He is a super hyper dog all day long. During the day someone was changing out the batteries in the keyboard and Frank was trying to get the old batteries. Franks owner pulled him away and said no you don’t eat batteries. This was the point I spoke up and dropped the bomb.

β€œFrank, you don’t need batteries. You’re already charged up enough”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broncothrow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Some people see ADD as a problem

I prefer to see it as a plus

πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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"Huh, why are those big cats over there *blue*?"

"Oh, they're just a hyper-lynx."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jorg2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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How do you make a car go fast?

Put sugar in the gas tank. It’ll be hyper, until it crashes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AUTOSHAWT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who killed himself cause the doctor had to amputate his toes due to complications with diabetes?

I guess he was also lack toes intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperScopeSix
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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If I ever get invited to a Norse god masquerade party....

I’m going to be totally hyper. No way will I be Loki.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jalfredproofrock
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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The day my dad's dog died.

I was sitting in my room playing with my dog, his name is Buster. My dog was being hyper while getting used to his new home.

My dad walks in and starts telling me about when he was my age and got a new dog.

( Insert sad music from the world's smallest violin here )

Dad: "When I was your age, my dad got me a pooch. His name was Rocket. I got him when he was around 4 years old, so he was pretty big. One day, I was working on my dad's truck and had a bucket of old gas sitting next to me. Rocket was outside playing around, being himself and came up to me. I slid back under the truck and heard some gulping sounds. I look over and see Rocket drinking big gulps of the gasoline. I screamed at him," Rocket No! You don't drink that!" Then he backed up, stumbling. I felt my heart sink to my stomach, I knew something was wrong with him. He took off running around the house. He ran around the house 2-3 times. Then he just fell over.."

Me: "Dead!?"

Dad: "Nah, he just ran out of gas."

Fuck off, Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kurtcobain94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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My Doctor is a Dad

I went to the doctor with a hand injury from playing football (in the British sense). I hyper extended my thumb and I have a weird lump on the side. He said there's not much to be done about it. I asked how long the pain might last. He said...

"About two or three months... As a rule of thumb"

Bravo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/percymiracles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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Dadjoked my friends at a house party.

My friend was having a house party with about 15-20 of our group of friends. The music was pumping everyone was drunk , hyper and we were all in her living room having a great time. On top of the fireplace was this little elephant ornament.

So I gathered everyone around, turned the music off and made a big deal of making it seem like I had something really important to say. I completely killed the mood but all in the name of a good joke, amiright? I say, with as straight a face as I can manage, "Listen, I know we're all friends here but I think its time we all talk about the elephant in the room... It's right over there on the fireplace".

Cue groans and a few laughs. Mostly groans though... So worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/googitygig
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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