Told my friend about my problems today. He said "You know, it could be worse. You could be trapped in a dark, wet hole in the ground."

I know he means well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NimmPlays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2022
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Did you hear about the crook who tripped over a hole in the ground?

He felon.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/widowwannabe
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2022
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You don't wanna know what is the method to create a big hole in the ground.

It's boring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonnyGT40
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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My brother dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water then designed a moving staircase that was powered by it.

That well escalated quickly!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sempiterna81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"

It didn't help, but I knew he meant well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarryGoLocky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about the really deep hole in the ground?

Well... Well... Well...

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PickleFart69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What do you get when you dig a hole in the ground and fill it with denim?

A jean pool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Payasin70
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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I watched a guy drill a hole in the ground.

It was kind of bore-ing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stop_being_taken
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant: First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant. Fill the hole with ashes. Line the hole with peas.

And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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My friends are digging a hole in the ground to get water out of.

So I sent them a 'Get well' card.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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The most tedious job I ever had was drilling holes in the ground for water

It was well boring.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gil-Gandel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was your age and I didn’t have anything to do, I went outside and dug holes in the ground.

But it was still boring.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2021
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I can hear beautiful watery holes in the ground

You could say I hear pretty well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasamont
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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What do you call a neighborhood of holes in the ground where donkeys live?

A burro borrow borough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/copycat042
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I could never be good at holes in the ground for water…

...I just don’t know how to leave well enough alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuhnaydeein
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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I saw three holes in the ground

And I thought to myself 'well, well, well.'

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lilredb1rd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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When it comes to holes in the ground...

I'm not well-educated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbpehr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Quite literally this is the first joke my long-gone dad ever tortured us with: Well, well, well...

...3 holes in the ground!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uglypaperhaver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Those who do not know the difference between burro and burrow

Don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Starfreak900
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2022
🚨︎ report
I’ve been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isn’t helping

I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he’ll just say vaguely supportive things that really don’t help. He’ll say things like β€œhey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you’re not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.”

I know he means well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameOver_UserWins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife regularly confuses the words Burro, and Burrow.

She doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A student was writing a paper for school and kept mixing up the words "burro" and "burrow"

The teacher told him "you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKingOfRhye777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Daughter (complaining): :Daaaad, that's boring!" Son (overhearing end of conversation): "What's boring?"

Me (to son): digging holes in the ground.

mum: snigger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
People who write "burro" when they mean "burrow"..

.. clearly don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend always writes β€œBurro” when he means β€œBurrow”.

Clearly he doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm disappointed in the the overuse of Dad jokes in today's society

We're a fairly advanced society, we need jokes with content that makes us think. All these easy laughs are making us dumber by the second, and we just keep rewarding them with upvotes that convince the lazy among us to keep churning out lazy jokes. Comedy is one of the only common traits things in every society and culture on this planet and we may not always agree with what is funny, it's very subjective, but no society or culture has no comedy. It's one of the most effective unifiers in all human existence. Of course it's just my two cents, but we really need to avoid cheapening it. There are 6500 spoken languages in the world and this is the most widely spoken, the least spoken languages of course being sign language. Someone once said "a world without laughter would be like a world without warmth, a dark hole in the ground filled with cold water." I know they mean well, but I think it's worse than that. There are three unwritten rules for how comedy should function in the world. We have to learn to follow them or we're doomed as a people, forever, however just like there are two butts in the word "assassin", there are two caveats to this dire situation with lessons learned from the best there is. One is the lesson we can take from Switzerland, I'm not entirely sure what makes them so good at integrating comedy into their lives, but their flag is a huge plus. The other is the lesson we can learn from farmers who know how to put what's important first, how to put in the effort into growing something, and they are always outstanding in their field. We get too caught up in standard modalities of thinking and none of us are totally all right, in fact most of us are at least close to half left. In closing, the absence of comedy when you really think about it, is fear. Fear of the ups and downs of life, much like a fear of elevators. And just like a fear of elevators, we all must take steps to avoid it. Thank you for your time.

Disappointed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnemonikos82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend was like "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be in a hole in the ground full of water."

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TOYST_OF
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2022
🚨︎ report
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?

Well...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My nephew said he was trying to help out when he spilled a bucket of water from the hole in the ground...

I knew he meant well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celticdude234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying cheer up it could be worse you could be in a hole in the ground full of water

I know he means well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj121jj
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silverjaydog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the 3 holes in the ground say?

Well, well, well

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Ever hear the one about the 3 holes in the ground?

Well Well Well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MovCookie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water? No?

Well well well

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roxbob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChingChongMan123
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you seen the 3 holes in the ground?

Well, well, well....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeW2017
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about three holes in the ground, filled with water?

Well, well, well

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chio182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeIrishGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well....

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call 3 holes in the ground filled with water?

well, well, well...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serpentofnumbers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Have you guys heard the one about the three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DailyAncap
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
🚨︎ report
Well, well, well…

If it isn’t three holes in the ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProcessNo1956
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Well, well, well.

Three holes in the ground.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Well... Well... Well...

If it isn't 3 holes in the ground...

πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nordic_pain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend always writes β€œBurro” when he means β€œBurrow”.

Clearly he doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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