Go make a hole in the corner of the wall...

You know the drill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hybrid_na
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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There was an emergency when I used an impact driver to make a hole in the wall

It was not a drill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yobababi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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No arms, no legs, all lame

My dad tells these old jokes all the time and acts like it's the first time we've ever heard them each time. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the lake? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under the car? Jack What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the mail? Bill What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the doorstep? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in stage? Mike And his personal favorite... What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs above the window? Curt n' Rod

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luckj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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Pun Time!

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

I took a picture of a field of wheat, it was grainy.

Any others? Your turn!

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaRaequaza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2016
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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What do you call a men with no arms or legs?

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pond? A: Bob

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs under a car? A: Jack

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your mailbox? A: Bill

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall? A: Art

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pot? A: Stu

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting on a grill? A: Frank

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves? A: Rustle

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pot hole? A: Phil

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs at the bottom of a hole? A: Doug

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs at the bottom of a not as deep hole? A: Douglas

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door? A: Matt

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the floor at a barbershop? A: Harry

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs that works at a brewery? A: Bud

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs water-skiing? A: Skip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhinobird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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My buddy asked if he could crash on my couch for the night

Now he's paying me for the hole in the wall

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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One fine day....

...in the middle of the night.

Two dead men got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

drew their swords...

And shot each other!

How do you escape Prison?

Bang your head against the wall until it's sore.

Saw your bed in half,

Two halves make a whole,

Crawl through the hole,

Shout until you're hoarse,

Climb on the horse and gallop away!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyberplasm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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So Microsoft Office goes to Jail...

Word and Powerpoint get stuck together. For the first few months they hated each other but overtime they got to know each other better and became really good friends. After about a year Powerpoint found a hole in the wall to escape through. He really wanted to tell Word but he knew only he could escape or would seriously risk getting caught. So Powerpoint fled that next night but he left a letter to Word saying that he was sorry for leaving and explained that their friendship has changed him and the way he looks at life.

TL;DR Powerpoint escaped through hidden Access with a new Outlook, while Word is stuck in jail with Onenote and an Excel mate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazymanfish90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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screwing around with my wife.

After drilling a hole, inserting the plastic sleeve, then driving a philips head to attach the nanny cam securely to the wall in our baby's room...

Wife: "Good job! You nailed it!"

Me: "Actually honey, I screwed it."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TukisOfFire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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Old house renovations.

My dad and I were working on a 150+ year old house recently.

We go to fill the outer walls of one room with insulation, and while cutting out holes in the tops of them we smell something funny. Rats had made a single section of one wall the dedicated toilet. Without missing a beat my dad says "That's some shitty insulation."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackCloudie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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There's a hole in the nudist camp's wall

The police are looking into it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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A hole has been found in the wall of a nudist colony.

The police are looking into it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ugh_wasps
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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There's a hole in the nudist colony wall.

Police are looking into it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shashybaws
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Have you been to Ratatouille’s new restaurant?

It’s a real hole in the wall!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnyapplejack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

  19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  21. A backward poet writes inverse.

  22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

edit: formatting

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
🚨︎ report

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