This is just going to be a huge rant/story, and I just joined this sub today after my "Christmas Gift" from my mom and an angry exchange of text messages. Sorry about the wall of text, I'm sure a lot of you may have similar stories.
Flash back 30 years ago to 1992. I was living in a suburb of Salt Lake City. My faith had been wavering since I was about 9 years old, but that's content for another post. I'd always been pretty inquisitive and read a lot in science, nature, and books and whatnot. My parents, for members of the LDS church, were pretty liberal, but still attended church every Sunday (they'd go to Wendover to gamble a bit, and R-rated movies weren't verboten in our household, and *gasp* are card carrying members of the Democratic Party). I had been rebelling a little, typical teenage stuff. I did run with a rougher crowd than most. They were more fun than the really religious kids, but I still maintained my religion, went to church on Sundays, and made sure to get good grades. I was in 9th grade, taking seminary at my junior high, we were reading the Old Testament start to finish. As I'm reading the bible, it just seems to be making less and less sense with the whole omnipotent/omnipresent/benevolent God thing we'd been hammered with our whole lives.
This created a major crisis of faith. I started reading more in the scriptures, I was praying a lot, but never getting any answers. I guess the holy ghost didn't like me enough to talk to me. I went to the temple and did BFtD and it just seemed weird and creepy. I was desperately wanting to believe. So I went to my bishop and got the recommend to have a Patriarchal Blessing. This was ultimately my last ditch effort. I wanted the revelation that came with it. It said I was leader in the war against Satan on the right hand of god, in fact I was general and then a bunch of other stuff. My parents were moved and filled with pride, but I felt nothing, emptiness. It felt contrived, fake, hollow, and frankly like a religious version of a newspaper horoscope. It made me sad because I couldn't accept it, it wasn't real and it still doesn't feel real. Nothing short of God or an Angel talking directly to me face to face would have changed my mind at that point. I left the church and never looked back. But my parents...ooh...they're still convinced I'm coming back into the fold.
So, it's Christmas time (Merry Christmas everyone). I'm a pretty solid atheist now. To me, anything supernatural can make a fun
... keep reading on reddit ➡so for context, I'm an 18 year old guy who just moved into college about two weeks ago. I've been out for five years now and though I don't consider being trans to be a part of my daily life, I am very open about it and do advocacy work often. I joined the LGBTQ+ group chat before arriving on campus as I thought it'd be a nice community to have. I ended up being the only trans person that joined, which was fine, but I kinda became the token trans person that people looked to.
There's one girl in that group chat who I at first thought was really cool, we'll call her Anna, she seemed interested in what I had to say and wanted to be around me. But she's said a few things now that I feel have crossed a line that I didn't necessarily explicitly establish and I don't know if it was my responsibility to do so.
One day we were with one other girl and the two of them were talking about their periods. I wasn't jumping in, obviously, I've been on T for 3.5 years and also that makes me dysphoric. But Anna turned to me and said "Just curious, how does being on testosterone affect your period?" It caught me off guard so I kind of just mumbled "it stopped" but she kept pushing for more info and eventually I changed the topic.
A few days later I was at dinner with Anna and another person and out of nowhere she says "I don't know if this is transphobic or not, but what were your t*ts like before surgery?" This one really caught me off guard. Out of all the times I've talked with people about being trans, all of the questions I've been asked, etc, I have never been asked a question like this. I didn't know how to react, especially because we were with another person, so I just said something like "I don't know, I never really looked at them because I didn't like them," she kept pushing, asking me what size they used to be, etc, and eventually I was able to change the topic but not before answering these questions.
a few other small things happened but the biggest one happened just two nights ago. we were in a group of seven or eight people, all from this LGBTQ+ group chat, and I was joking about how I love liking women and am glad I don't like men, and she interrupted and said "well you had the chance to be a lesbian" - to which I said, no, not really, I never had a choice at all, and she said "you just would have been a depressed lesbian," and I said "no I would have been dead." The whole situation just really hit me hard because it's become clear that when Anna look
... keep reading on reddit ➡Like many people who want kids, I had grand ideas about what kind of parent I’d be when I had kids. Only a few things actually stuck and one was, I wasn’t forfeiting peeing in peace. When my kids became toddler age and could understand, I told them unless they’re bleeding or the house is on fire, don’t bother me in the bathroom. Anything else can wait. It did take a few times of the door jiggling or them passing me things but eventually they stopped and learned the boundary. (Equal respect, I don’t go in the bathroom when they’re using it once they can use the toilet on their own)
My kids are now 8, 5 & 3. I have a friend with a kid who’s also 3. We were talking about the kids and she told me “yeah, I haven’t peed alone since (child) learned to walk”. I replied that I nip that in the bud early on. She asked me to explain, so I told her above. She said that’s mean and I said no, it’s setting a boundary. My 8 year old would hate it if I walked in on her. She said that we should always be accessible to our kids. I said if it’s truly an emergency, they know to tell me. She kept arguing and finally I said, “Its not my fault I have boundaries with my kids. You don’t. That’s cool.”
Well, this offended my friend. She says I’m a mean mom. Am I being an ass?
Hello,
Due to the global chip shortages, we've had to order FPGAs ourselves as our overseas PCB assembly group could not source them. So now we have received the boards without the FPGA and we gave a try to manually hot air them on but could not properly do so without a couple/many pins shorting or the chip simply being misaligned. We are now sending them to a local board shop to solder and x-ray verify.
Is there a way to use JTAG/Boundary scans to perform on board testing to see exactly which pins are shorted/misaligned? We are using Spartan 7's.
A couple months ago, I noticed that a neighbor I'd repeatedly seen at his window was walking down our street (my window is directly across the street from his but obscured by trees). I introduced myself and said, hey, don't mean to be creepy but you live next door, no? We chatted a bit and shared friendly waves anytime we passed each other down our street.
A couple weeks ago, I was running an errand after being out of town for a month, so he casually walked with me for a bit. As we're talking he mentioned that "His female friend wants to meet the stalker girl from next door" aka me, because apparently they like to have threesomes so that's why she wanted to meet me. I guess I was caught enough off guard that I also mentioned that I've had threesomes in the past that went well and we exchanged phone numbers *face palm*
Since then, he has been texting me sometimes, and told me that he wanted to set up a meeting between the 3 of us yesterday. At first I decided that I'd go along with it because I felt like I had gotten myself into this mess by "consenting" during that awkward conversation before. I got more and more nervous/anxious about the prospect of meeting up with these 2 people at my neighbor's house that I finally decided the best thing to do was just text him and tell him how I was feeling.
I didn't apologize, I simply stated that I decided that I didn't want to meet his friend, and that I didn't feel comfortable with the prospect of going over to his house alone. I didn't leave room for negotiation, and told him I hope there are no hard feelings because we see each other like at least once a day.
Fortunately, he took it really well, and thanked me for my honesty. I feel SO relieved that I came out and said how I was feeling, and put my foot down before any more expectations were created.
It was hard to bring myself to do it, but I think I was able to gracefully rectify the situation. Don't ever feel like you have to go through with something, even if "you initially accepted" - you always have a choice to change your mind.
I don't understand what even happened? I don't want to assume that she has npd or bpd but its the only thing that makes sense? We broke up on May 13th because I accused her of cheating. She denied it and said I just need to take a step back and process things. Fast forward a week and a half later I see the guy I suspected at the bar and he was like I had no idea she had a boyfriend but yes I slept with her a few times... she admitted to it after I knew the truth and presented the evidence. I was crying and we cuddled for a bit then I left and thought I wouldn't see her again. May 29th I walked home from the bar and found myself going by her house and asked if I could crash. We slept together and then I drove her to the airport for a wedding the next morning... then nothing. She ghosted me. We were together for six months and I was happy but being cheated on in the past I had doubts. I let my guard down when she reassured me that she loved me and would never do that to me. This card from my birthday in March is the only thing I have left of her. Is she going to come back around ever? I've had no contact since Monday when I dropped her things off but she's been stalking my socials ever since and left me on delivered. What do I do? I feel as though I'm unlovable, I thought she was really the one. But now it's like I never existed?
I’m in an Earth Science class right now and my book says that convergent boundaries can happen between continental vs. continental or continental vs. oceanic but when it talks about divergent and transform boundaries, it only mentions oceanic plates and nothing about continental. Are these only found in the ocean?
Hey so it’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month and i thought why not write a sweet script of comfort and support to all genders and identities because even though it is not talked about it happens to everyone at some point.
To Hear My Fill of my own Script- Listen to the person who wrote the words speak them HERE
Here are a few links to other VA who did an amazing fills of my script and they have stood up to raise Awareness. THANK YOU to each of you.
M4A u/Rynosoar94 Click HERE
F4A u/bbwxjenna Click HERE
F4M u/KokichisDommme Click HERE
M4A u/HanginIn78 Click HERE
The important thing to take away from this is know that it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t asking for it and you didn’t deserve it.
I know that the pain and anxiety it causes can live with us, as a permanent scar that we never really get over, we just learn to live with it and we can turn our pain into something positive and i thought why not start with raising awareness this Month.
Each of you deserve respect, reassurance and understanding, when you have been through something like this it can make it hard to open up and trust someone but not everyone is going to mistreat you, that's one thing you need to know.
I understand this is a very taboo subject, in that its not talked about enough, well i am here to say let’s talk about it and let’s stand up to Sexual Assault. No one deserves to go through it and when someone says NO, then No means NO.
If you have been affected and want to speak out, then you can go on google and find a sexual assault helpline where you can seek help. Remember I believe in you and you can do this...
Here are Some Informative and Support Via Pictures CLICK HERE
SYNOPSIS
*You are haunted by something
... keep reading on reddit ➡Lately I've taken an interest in Highlander and the more I looked at him the more I realised he is an incredible character on paper, held back by incredibly antiquated design, some really useless moves and his main mix-up not working against anything. So I sat down, looked at his whole kit and started analising everything realising he is nearly the strongest character in the game, (design wise) simply screwed over by the fact he is old.
Here is the study where I talk about the injustice that is being done to Highlander. He literally has the two strongest forms of offense in his kit but he is gimped by old design and REALLY BAD NUMBERS.
Here's the link. If you're interested that's the long version of the changes Highlander needs and how all of them are simple numbers or some animation recycling. With the new wave of unique executions we can start hopping again for new animations but until that dream becomes reality, Highlander can still be made into a menace with no new animations and some number tweaking. He is literally amazing without the bad numbers, I am outright shocked!
Well, for those who don't care about the numbers, here's how a proper Highlander would look like if the god damned numbers are Fixed!
TL;DR changes:
Heavies:
- Top opener heavies are 800ms and deal 24 damage with 500ms HA
- Side opener heavies are 900ms and deal 27 damage with 600ms HA
- Heavy finishers are 700ms, deal 30 damage and have 300ms HA
Celtic Curse
- Available 100-600ms into the forward dodge
- Can be soft feinted into CC. Alternate at 200-500ms into the animation
- Can be soft feinted into Offensive Stance at 200-500ms into the animation
- Increased forward momentum
- Hyper Armour delayed to 500ms into the animation
Celtic Curse Alternate
- 600ms on both sides
- Have Iframes from 100-300ms into the animation
- Deal 18 damage
- Cost 12 stamina
Celtic Curse dodge attack
- Accessible 100-500ms into the side dodge
- Is 700ms
- Deals 18 damage
- Costs 12 stamina
- Has Iframes properties which must be timed between 100-300ms into the animation
- Can be only soft feinted into Offensive stance at 300ms into the animation.
Offensive Stance
- Accessible from neutral at 200ms by holding heavy
- Accessible as a soft feint from any dodge attack
- Can and is always soft feinted into a dodge for 0 stamina cost
- Caber Toss from neutral removed.
Balors’ Might
... keep reading on reddit ➡You know, I really thought I was doing well. I respected the boundaries you set. Focused on me, and treated you as a part of my life and not as my life. You were - both directly and indirectly - giving me positive feedback and affirmations that what I was doing was good.
But apparently that wasn’t the whole truth. You didn’t tell me when little things bothered you. You smiled and let them go. You said that letting frustration build up is too much and now you can’t take it anymore.
What the hell? I feel like I’m being punished for something I didn’t know I was doing.
Why couldn’t you just tell me? I would have worked on myself and been mindful of your “pet peeves” as you called them. But if all reactions to me from you are positive, how the hell was I supposed to know there’s an issue?
Remember how you pointed out and set boundaries before? You didn’t have to do anything except tell me. I did the work. It could’ve been just as easy as that.
Your justification for letting it build up was that you didn’t want hurt me. Well, life is pain, Sweetheart. I’ve been “clean” from self-destructive behavior for a very long time. You know that. All that would’ve happened was that I would mindfully process my feelings about the confrontation, and come back when I had a clear head to discuss solutions. That’s what I’m doing now, but obviously “I need a break from you indefinitely” is a bigger. fucking. mess. to handle than “I feel uncomfortable when you do xyz.”
I want to be better, and I really, really, really thought I was doing better. I wish you could have told me about the molehill before it became a mountain because this is hurting both of us.
I honored your boundaries. My one request was that you tell me when something is wrong so I could work on it, and you didn’t. Boundaries are a two way street, so don’t tell me it was all my fault.
As angry as I am with the situation, I hope that taking a break is good for you. Maybe we can come back to the drawing board once we process these feelings alone.
I'll try to keep this brief.
My boyfriend and I (both ftm) met this guy we both liked. We went out with him on a kind of date and we've been talking for about a year now. We seemed to get along really well, so he came over recently.
The first time he came over, we all got drunk, though in hindsight I'm questioning how drunk he really was. I wasn't super drunk, he didn't seem to be, my boyfriend was wasted.
Anyway, we got to kind of fooling around, and I tried to opt out. I tried to say it was fine for he and my bf to go off and do stuff, but that I was all good to not being involved. I had made out with him a little bit, but I wasn't really feeling it, hence I tried to opt out.
Well he got really close to me, putting his head on mine, telling me it was fine, we're all friends, asking me why I didn't want to, and after a while of this, I kind of gave in. After that point I felt like I had no choice but to go through with everything and I ended up having sex with him.
I have to do anal due to vaginismus, and he tore my vagina pretty badly (accidentally, when he missed) while trying to insert. I was certain this was an accident, but my bf had doubts. I'm still willing to write this off as an accident, honestly.
Fast forward to the second time he came over. He got us loads of drinks and I'm someone who struggles to turn down a drink. I was pretty hammered, to the point where he was asking if I was okay, cause I was slurring a lot.
At some stage (earlier when I was less drunk) he was standing over me in such a way that I knew he wanted something, so I tried not to make eye contact and stay on my phone while chatting to him. At some point I made out with him anyway, just to appease him.
I can't help but feel like all of this could have been prevented if I'd just had a spine and said, flat out, no.
Who else felt it was your fault you were sexualized because of your bubbly/friendly personality and poor boundaries?
I’m really struggling with this. Some background: I have been sexualized by my abusers since I was a child and so I had patterns of flirting without realizing it. Then I think men felt led on and would sexualize me. Of course this pattern is not my fault as it came from being groomed as a child as sexualizing myself was the main way I received love and attention. I’ve worked really hard over the last several years to break this pattern..
A traumatic event happened recently were some men sexualized me and one preyed on me. There is definitely a part of me that has felt like it was my fault.. I wondered if by mistake I was being too bubbly and passionate and they took it as me flirting and got the wrong idea.
Throughout my life, I’ve realized men would sometimes get the wrong idea with my bubbly/friendly personality and the fact that I had poor boundaries... so I learned how to change my personality and become more masculine because I felt like I had to do that to stop the sexualization and abuse. Obviously it shouldn’t be my job to control their feelings and actions (codependent much?!). Instead they should be controlling themselves. But I still struggle with this belief that I’ve internalized where I have to change myself to stop their behavior. After facing my trauma history over the last several years, I now dress super conservative, stopped wearing makeup, stopped doing my hair, lost my curves, worked on boundaries and act cold around men. I think working on boundaries is important but I don’t like how I felt I had to change my personality. Also, the sad thing is, I dressed super conservative with baggy clothes and I was still sexualized at a recovery group I went to recently. There really is no protection.
Who else related to blaming yourself?
It's dawning on me how I was raised to have no boundaries and how exhausted and unhappy it's made me in my adult life. My older, Nsister was allowed to be awful to me, without consequence, and to make comments about my body, well into my adulthood. Her insistence that she be allowed into my life, to visit whenever she wanted, when I did not enjoy being around her instability and toxicity, is another example. My parents insistence that I not live with my own fiancé 3 months before our wedding, to the point they insisted I come stay with them for the weekend and pretend to live there still while my grandparents visit. My mom wanting a key to my apartment and access to my google calendar.
When I didn't want to finish my dinner plate, when I didn't want to wake up to go to church, when I overrate Halloween candy, I was yelled at, punished. I dissociated, withdrew because I was bullied at school, bullied at home. Books and computer were my only escape.
It's turned me into a peace keeper, push over, standing up for myself is so uncomfortable, I have a terrible relationship with food and I'm only happy when I'm losing weight, and I guess what is triggering all of this is some communication with family over the holidays, and gaining weight during quarantine.
Thanks for listening, hope some of you can relate.
In some discussions the one's opinion can turn out to be in the minority. These situations are diverse though.
You may have heard the saying "If everyone around appears to be wrong, you are the wrong one". On the other hand, the majority may not say or know the truth.
Your stance can also be ranging, from being very flexible to follow others, to standing your ground and remaining committed to what you think no matter what.
What would be the guidelines about where someone should switch from defending their position to admitting fault, in order to balance personal integrity of views and niceness of social interactions?
It's not that I don't have them, but I've never felt entitled to assert my boundaries. I grew up in a house where my thoughts and feelings were my mother's and I was an extension of her. I also experienced a controlling relationship in my teens, though I was never sure if it counted as abuse because he was a kid with his own problems and I think he was just hurting. But I did have to leave school to get away. And when I went to college, I repeated these pattern with a friend/roommate. Someone else told me it was emotional abuse, but my roommate wasn't t doing it on purpose and hurt people hurt people, so idk.
My last therapist told me I should have stayed in school when that kid and I were dating and that running away to a new school was the wrong decision, so it must not have been that bad even though we had every class together and he wouldnt leave me alone, calling 60 times a night and threatening to kill himself if I didnt say or do the right thing. Idk what real abuse is because since my therapist said that abuse in general just seems unclear.
So I've been in this toxic friendship for many years now and we've both had trauma in our lives, which we bonded over in a way. I failed to set up boundaries when they moved in with me and as a result they bulldozed passed. I did everything I could to make them comfortable and accommodate and I tried to be so mindful of their needs, but everything I did was wrong and criticized and never enough. I was constantly walking on eggshells and being blamed for their depression, and how horrible it was to live with me. Every mistake I've made in our friendship was never let go, often reminding me of when I did or said xyz years ago. Nothing was allowed to be private, and when I tried to keep some things for myself, I was told I wasn't being Honest and about how I was Lying. Regularly called delicate or pretentious. Even very personal boundaries like if scissors were left in the bathroom, they asked if I was doing "maintenance."
I was told I was the one who was controlling, because I liked my house kept a certain way (clean, meaning /all/ the food washed off of dishes and general cleaning up after oneself). So when I found something ditry, I would just take care of it, which meant to them I was making a statement about how they weren't good enough. But if I said something and asked them to step it up, I was bossy and particular and asking too much. In a text they lamented about how they never get good things and on
... keep reading on reddit ➡
It seems I attract these relationships. Romantic, platonic, family. Doesn't matter. I'm a doormat. It takes two to tango, right? I'm the Poison.
Additional tags- [Positive Affirmations] [Positivity] [Safe in my Arms] [Kissing] [Asking for permission to get closer]
Hey so it’s Also Sexual Assault Awareness Month and i thought why not write a sweet script of comfort and support to all genders and identities because even though it is not talked about it happens to everyone at some point.
The important thing to take away from this is know that it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t asking for it and you didn’t deserve it.
I know that the pain and anxiety it causes can live with us, as a permanent scar that we never really get over, we just learn to live with it and we can turn our pain into something positive and i thought why not start with raising awareness this Month.
Each of you deserve respect, reassurance and understanding, when you have been through something like this it can make it hard to open up and trust someone but not everyone is going to mistreat you, that's one thing you need to know.
I understand this is a very taboo subject, in that its not talked about enough, well i am here to say let’s talk about it and let’s stand up to Sexual Assault. No one deserves to go through it and when someone says NO, then No means NO.
If you have been affected and want to speak out, then you can go on google and find a sexual assault helpline where you can seek help. Remember I believe in you and you can do this...
SYNOPSIS
You are haunted by something that happened in your past and something triggers you and has you scared and feeling vulnerable, your significant other is here to tell you it’s not your fault, that the bad things that happened you didn’t deserve them, that you deserve to be respected and loved and understood and they provide you a safe place of comfort to come forward,
You are not alone, ever, there are many others who understand what you have gone through and you are not a victim you are a survivor, because you are an amazingly strong person and your significant other is more than happy to remind you of that.
To fill this Script Offer and raise Awareness CLICK HERE
I hope my words can help at least one person, it is always great to have a platform to get my positivity and words to help others. I always want to help, the community can get involved too. Please know that i care and i know all my amazing listeners and fellow VA's do too and my
... keep reading on reddit ➡Additional tags- [Positive Affirmations] [Positivity] [Safe in my Arms] [Kissing] [Asking for permission to get closer]
Hey so it’s Also Sexual Assault Awareness Month and i thought why not write a sweet script of comfort and support to all genders and identities because even though it is not talked about it happens to everyone at some point.
The important thing to take away from this is know that it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t asking for it and you didn’t deserve it.
I know that the pain and anxiety it causes can live with us, as a permanent scar that we never really get over, we just learn to live with it and we can turn our pain into something positive and i thought why not start with raising awareness this Month.
Each of you deserve respect, reassurance and understanding, when you have been through something like this it can make it hard to open up and trust someone but not everyone is going to mistreat you, that's one thing you need to know.
I understand this is a very taboo subject, in that its not talked about enough, well i am here to say let’s talk about it and let’s stand up to Sexual Assault. No one deserves to go through it and when someone says NO, then No means NO.
If you have been affected and want to speak out, then you can go on google and find a sexual assault helpline where you can seek help. Remember I believe in you and you can do this...
SYNOPSIS
You are haunted by something that happened in your past and something triggers you and has you scared and feeling vulnerable, your significant other is here to tell you it’s not your fault, that the bad things that happened you didn’t deserve them, that you deserve to be respected and loved and understood and they provide you a safe place of comfort to come forward,
You are not alone, ever, there are many others who understand what you have gone through and you are not a victim you are a survivor, because you are an amazingly strong person and your significant other is more than happy to remind you of that.
To fill this Script Offer and raise Awareness CLICK HERE
I hope my words can help at least one person, it is always great to have a platform to get my positivity and words to help others. I always want to help, the community can get involved too. Please know that i care and i know all my amazing listeners and fellow VA's do too and my
... keep reading on reddit ➡Who else felt it was your fault you were sexualized because of your bubbly/friendly personality and poor boundaries?
I’m really struggling with this. Some background: I have been sexualized by my abusers since I was a child and so I had patterns of flirting without realizing it. Then I think men felt led on and would sexualize me. Of course this pattern is not my fault as it came from being groomed as a child as sexualizing myself was the main way I received love and attention. I’ve worked really hard over the last several years to break this pattern..
A traumatic event happened recently were some men sexualized me and one preyed on me. There is definitely a part of me that has felt like it was my fault.. I wondered if by mistake I was being too bubbly and passionate and they took it as me flirting and got the wrong idea.
Throughout my life, I’ve realized men would sometimes get the wrong idea with my bubbly/friendly personality and the fact that I had poor boundaries... so I learned how to change my personality and become more masculine because I felt like I had to do that to stop the sexualization and abuse. Obviously it shouldn’t be my job to control their feelings and actions (codependent much?!). Instead they should be controlling themselves. But I still struggle with this belief that I’ve internalized where I have to change myself to stop their behavior. After facing my trauma history over the last several years, I now dress super conservative, stopped wearing makeup, stopped doing my hair, lost my curves, worked on boundaries and act cold around men. I think working on boundaries is important but I don’t like how I felt I had to change my personality.
Also, the sad thing is, I dressed super conservative with baggy clothes and I was still sexualized at a recovery group I went to recently. There really is no protection.
Who else related to blaming yourself?
Who else felt it was your fault you were sexualized because of your bubbly/friendly personality and poor boundaries?
I’m really struggling with this. Some background: I have been sexualized by my abusers since I was a child and so I had patterns of flirting without realizing it. Then I think men felt led on and would sexualize me. Of course this pattern is not my fault as it came from being groomed as a child as sexualizing myself was the main way I received love and attention. I’ve worked really hard over the last several years to break this pattern..
A traumatic event happened recently were some men sexualized me and one preyed on me. There is definitely a part of me that has felt like it was my fault.. I wondered if by mistake I was being too bubbly and passionate and they took it as me flirting and got the wrong idea.
Throughout my life, I’ve realized men would sometimes get the wrong idea with my bubbly/friendly personality and the fact that I had poor boundaries... so I learned how to change my personality and become more masculine because I felt like I had to do that to stop the sexualization and abuse. Obviously it shouldn’t be my job to control their feelings and actions (codependent much?!). Instead they should be controlling themselves. But I still struggle with this belief that I’ve internalized where I have to change myself to stop their behavior. After facing my trauma history over the last several years, I now dress super conservative, stopped wearing makeup, stopped doing my hair, lost my curves, worked on boundaries and act cold around men. I think working on boundaries is important but I don’t like how I felt I had to change my personality.
Also, the sad thing is, I dressed super conservative with baggy clothes and I was still sexualized at a recovery group I went to recently. There really is no protection.
Who else related to blaming yourself?
Who else felt it was your fault you were sexualized because of your bubbly/friendly personality and poor boundaries?
I’m really struggling with this. Some background: I have been sexualized by my abusers since I was a child and so I had patterns of flirting without realizing it. Then I think men felt led on and would sexualize me. Of course this pattern is not my fault as it came from being groomed as a child as sexualizing myself was the main way I received love and attention. I’ve worked really hard over the last several years to break this pattern..
A traumatic event happened recently were some men sexualized me and one preyed on me. There is definitely a part of me that has felt like it was my fault.. I wondered if by mistake I was being too bubbly and passionate and they took it as me flirting and got the wrong idea.
Throughout my life, I’ve realized men would sometimes get the wrong idea with my bubbly/friendly personality and the fact that I had poor boundaries... so I learned how to change my personality and become more masculine because I felt like I had to do that to stop the sexualization and abuse. Obviously it shouldn’t be my job to control their feelings and actions (codependent much?!). Instead they should be controlling themselves. But I still struggle with this belief that I’ve internalized where I have to change myself to stop their behavior. After facing my trauma history over the last several years, I now dress super conservative, stopped wearing makeup, stopped doing my hair, lost my curves, worked on boundaries and act cold around men. I think working on boundaries is important but I don’t like how I felt I had to change my personality.
Also, the sad thing is, I dressed super conservative with baggy clothes and I was still sexualized at a recovery group I went to recently. There really is no protection.
Who else related to blaming yourself?
Who else felt it was your fault you were sexualized because of your bubbly/friendly personality and poor boundaries?
I’m really struggling with this. Some background: I have been sexualized by my abusers since I was a child and so I had patterns of flirting without realizing it. Then I think men felt led on and would sexualize me. Of course this pattern is not my fault as it came from being groomed as a child as sexualizing myself was the main way I received love and attention. I’ve worked really hard over the last several years to break this pattern..
A traumatic event happened recently were some men sexualized me and one preyed on me. There is definitely a part of me that has felt like it was my fault.. I wondered if by mistake I was being too bubbly and passionate and they took it as me flirting and got the wrong idea.
Throughout my life, I’ve realized men would sometimes get the wrong idea with my bubbly/friendly personality and the fact that I had poor boundaries... so I learned how to change my personality and become more masculine because I felt like I had to do that to stop the sexualization and abuse. Obviously it shouldn’t be my job to control their feelings and actions (codependent much?!). Instead they should be controlling themselves. But I still struggle with this belief that I’ve internalized where I have to change myself to stop their behavior. After facing my trauma history over the last several years, I now dress super conservative, stopped wearing makeup, stopped doing my hair, lost my curves, worked on boundaries and act cold around men. I think working on boundaries is important but I don’t like how I felt I had to change my personality. Also, the sad thing is, I dressed super conservative with baggy clothes and I was still sexualized at a recovery group I went to recently. There really is no protection.
Who else related to blaming yourself?
