Wire you insulate?
Because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Investigators determined he was not a bouncer.
With a Luigi board
And is disqualified from the limbo contest
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"
Mom: *staring at dad
Dad: ...*clenches fists
Mom: ...don't!
Dad: *sweats profusely
Mom:
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter
So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)
Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...
We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying “Hi” as a new animal rotates in.
So Wife goes, “Here comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”
And Son waves and says “Hi!” and giggles.
Wife: “And there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”
Son: “Hi... toots”
Wife: “Yes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”
Son: “Hi!”
Wife: “That’s the ‘Hi of the Tiger’”
Me: “... 💀 💀 💀”
Wife: “You love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”
Hi, I'm the president of a high school club called future investors and I need a few puns to accompany an advertisement on facebook/instagram.
Here it is: "Invest your time into something meaningful.. like FUTURE INVESTORS! I promise that you won't be a-loan, as you'll form a lot of bonds (and hopefully have a high ROI) by joining! Don't be a laughing stock and come to our first meeting on 9/19"
My Little Sister: No! What happened?!
Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.
My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES
Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.
My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?
Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)
I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN
Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?
Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!
My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!
Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.
My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.
Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.
My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.
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I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.
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I really love my family. Lol
I said “Yeah, I have my volume up high because I’m deaf.” She replied “hi deaf.” ....I’m so proud
I want to quiz you on it.
First question: What was it called?
A: The Heir to Heaven B: Hi, I’m Up High C: Girls Rule the Afterlife
>!Whatever you answered, it was wrong. It’s Nun of the Above.!<
Me (bank teller): "Hi, what can I do for you?"
Customer: "I'd like to make a deposit and if you could withdrawal some warm weather and deposit the cold I'd be happy with that too!"
The man then looked down at his kid who was grinning from ear to ear and gave him a high five. Had a nice chuckle after that one.
So I tried to use a dad joke on my mom. And it didn't go so well. She told me to do the dishes, I said ok and seeing as I'm in the middle of reading a dad joke, I said just a moment. So she just replied "seriously?" What said was"seriously I'm high" what I wanted to say to her was"hi I'm seriously.
