Hey dad did you get a haircut?
No son I got them all cut!
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Hey girl!! Are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you everyday.
Hey Dad, you wanna come to Yoga class with me?
Dad: Namaste home instead
hey did you hear about the new shovel?
you: no
me: what, it's groundbreaking!
Hey did you ever hear about the psychic that only gives you good news?
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, “Hey, you missed a right!”
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
Don't worry, he's awake now.
Dad, hey can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?
Hey, did you hear about the 2 blind Cyclopos?
I got dad joked by my 3 year old daughter at dinner today: "Hey do you have a bun?" I asked her.
"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"
She's well on her way to being the dad I never had
My 8-year old ran past me and I shouted to her: "Hey, you lost something!"
She stops and ask "What?"
- "Your speed!"
She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"
- "What?"
- "Your hair!"
Oof.
True story.
Called my local restaurant for reservation. Hey are you guys open for reservations? They replied four to nine today
Looks like they are too busy today
My 10 year old son said, “Hey Dad, do you know why I want to shoot a hog?”
“So we can have hamburgers!”
He was serious but it still cracked me up.
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Hey... Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage!
Friend - Hey man could you call for some flowers for me from online?
Me - Yeah sure bro I will cauliflowers.
Hey did you hear about the new kind of Italian rap music?
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
“Hey, how come I can see right through you?”
“My son came out as Transgender today, so that makes me Transparent.”
“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
"No son, have you seen my dadglasses?"
"Hey son, would you like to watch the airplane take off?"
Hey baby do you have the Corona virus?
Because I can’t stop looking achoo
Hey kids, do you know why did the banana go to the hospital?
He was peeling really bad! Hahaha!!
I finally started to learn how to use a computer. My son said; "Hey Dad, you're getting betah".
And I said: "Betah? But I thought I was 1.0!"
"Hey Superman, are you a part of a gang?"
"Several, actually, depending on the day. I'm a kryptonight."
hey did you hear about the guy who cut off the left half of his body??
Son: Hey dad, you wanna play Among Us?
Dad: Sure, but what are we playing?
Hey dad, how do you feel?
I feel with my hands.
That was my dad’s go to, directly followed by: dad: can I make you a sandwich
Me: sure
Dad: (does magic hands) poof you’re a sandwich
It’s almost 3 years since he died. I miss his joke every damn day.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, I haven't seen your kind here before! What'll you have?"
Dad: Hey kids, did you hear about that crazy lady who got breast implants full of twigs and sticks?
Me: ...no, why? Is another one of your stupid jokes again?
Dad: No, no, no. I read it on my Yahoos and thought it was weird.
Me: Oh... yeah, that is weird I guess.
Dad: It would've been funny if that joke had a punchline, wooden tit?
Me: Dad, no.
Hey girl are you HTTP?
Because you're really insecure
Dad: "Hey, do you know where I can get a vocal ensemble?"
Music Director: "Don't you mean a choir?"
Dad: "Ok, How do I acquire a vocal ensemble?"
"Hey!! How long have you been chopping wood for?"
"Not sure, let me check my logs."
Hey, did you get a haircut?
"Hey bro, can you pass me the pamphlet?"
"Hey Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
Hey Dad did you get a haircut?
No son, I got them all cut
We were driving yesterday, and suddenly my wife turned to me and said, “Hey, you missed a right”.
I said, “Thanks babe. You MRS. right.”
[Driving] My wife: Hey, you missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right.
Hey dad can I ask you a question?
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