Helle Puns

Guess that's why they call it paradice

Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.

Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder

It was an unexpected Journey.

Dad: There’s no whey in hell.

Aren’t men allowed to laugh?

At the end of the day, its night

Turns out it was a Type-O

Cockwise.

He was dead lifting.

Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!

You boil the hell out of it...

How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

That's last time I buy off-brand tires...

Cuz they can't walk

"Damn you..."

Dante’s in fur now.

I don’t know why I’d be in the shower that long, just think of the water bill that’d make!

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story. At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???

Mitochondrion.

The steaks were too high.

Sinner citizens!

Because they have literally no chants in Hell.

I responded, "Who the hell is Oliver B.??"

Annoying

He said, “Like everyone else, I’m working from home.”

... spent all weekend making this coffee table. I didn't think much of it until i saw him attaching some hoses, a water tank, a dirt tank, a fan, a propane tank and a timer. I asked him what the hell he was building and he said "Well twice a day it's going to shoot either fire, water, dirt or air." I sat there stunned and confused and just said "But....why?" He said "Why? Well that's because it's a periodic table of elements."

He said: "I heaven't"

When I took my first bite I said, “What the Hell Mann?!”

Cos you sure as hell took my breath away, girl!

Is paintball a form of Enterstainment?

Hell Toupee!

I guess I shouldn't have taken the Lord's name in vein.

Pair of dice, LOST.

I asked in response if she thought it was “Birth-while”

You take water and boil the hell out of it!

You boil the hell out of it

You boil the hell out of it