Whoever thought it was a good idea to make a lower case L and and upper case i look the same must have been Ill.
Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
Turkey walks into a bar. The bartender looks a little confused and asks "who are you?" Turkey replied "I'm a wild turkey." Bartender replied "oh we have a drink named after you!"
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
Pirate goes to doctor to have groin pain checked. Dr. looks down pirates pants and says, “you have a captain’s steering wheel in your pants.”
Pirate replied, “arghh, it’s driving me nuts”.
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, “why is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!
2 cowboys were riding along and one saw a tree with bacon dangling from the branches. One called out saying "Look a Bacon Tree!" As they went closer to have a look they were confronted with a sky full of arrows. The other cowboy yelled:
This is no Bacon Tree, this is a Ham Bush.
That little girl must have had a long day because she looks bushed
A guy walks into a bank, walks up to the teller and asks, “Have you ever gone someplace and forget what you’re there for?” The teller looks at him, her eyes getting larger and larger.
The guy scratches his head with his gun saying, “I hate when that happens.”
hey, look, I have a joke
**of you to assume I can make a font joke**
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
I got a call at work the other day from a doctor at the hospital. He says "I have some bad news... It looks like your wife has been hit by a bus."
I said "But she has a great personality."
This community is a pun safe haven, but other subs have been oppressed by anti-punners. If you wish to join any pun war sub look in comments
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, did you know we have a drink named after you?”
The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink named ‘Steve’?”
A friend asked me to come and have a look at his broken extractor fan
I told him I don't have much experience in cheering up former tractor enthusiasts but I'll give it a spin.
A woman goes up to her boyfriend and says "honey, I have some bad news for you. I'm pregnant". He looks her with tears of joy and pride in his eyes and says ...
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "aww, honey look at the sheep." I relied...
How do you tell someone from eastern Europe to have a look at something?
Last night, my wife looks at me with a sudden realization and says, "We have to DO IT tomorrow!!"
My first thought was, "why is that not the goal for every day?"
When I asked OK but why, her response was, "We can't let the last day of the year end without a bang!"
My little niece got a pony for Christmas. She told me to look at its tongue ‘cause “it looked weird”. Told her I’d have to pass.
I didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.
It looks like we are going to have a good weather today, if I do say so myself.
I know on the outside I look competent, but deep down I have a debilitating fear that I'm actually in a bowl of spaghetti…
I guess you could say I have In-pasta Syndrome...
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