To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.

Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smelly_Anus69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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When’s the worst time to have a heart attack?

During a game of cherades

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghastbuster95
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I have the heart of a lion...

And a life time ban from the Central Park Zoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Why did the pig have a heart attack

Too much bacon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/templaknight13579
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."

"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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To have a heart tack
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dragun82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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I have the heart of a lion, the eyes of a hawk, the brains of a chimpanzee

Not to mention a lifetime ban from at least three zoos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GGgetRekt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
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I don't have the heart to tell you guys...

So in a few days I'm supposed to get an ultrasound on my heart and I want to lighten up the mood a little by making a few puns about the situation. Can you all help me with some real clever ones? Anything about shortness of breath and heart problems would be amazing :)

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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Officer pulls over Mr. Heart: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Mr. Heart: I wasn't even moving! Officer: Exactly! You're under cardiac arrest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BonesofGold9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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A man is going to have a heart transplant

But then he had a change of heart.

Thank you, George Carlin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdheath
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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I have the eye of a tiger and the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I have the heart of a lion…

And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I have the heart of a lion.

And a lifetime ban from London Zoo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merulius
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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I have the heart of a lion.

And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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I told my wife I have the heart of a lion...

also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaseth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Yaknow, I have the heart of a lion!!

And a lifetime ban from the NYC zoo..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wildM4N04
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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I have a heart of a lion.

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meltedpickless
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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The worst time to have a heart attack

is during a game of charades

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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I have a lion's heart

And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewShoulderNeeded
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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