I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.

My kids are still able to get in the house.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Fun fact: Julius Caesar never told his men "Good job".

This is likely because he couldn't speak English.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmbasehore
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What is a good job for a fish that has perfect pitch?

Guitar tuna

Sorry, this is really bad even by dad joke standards.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sf340flier
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is picking vegetables a good job?

It comes with a great celery

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
In my job interview I was asked what some of my good qualities were...

Well my doctor always calls me patient.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReflexNL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...

Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are scarecrows so good at their jobs?

They’re outstanding in their field

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorelei178
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Good job coming dad. (3 year old son after he told me to come eat breakfast)

Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.

He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zvive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: "Nice job, these are good scones"

Me: "That's what I was scone for!"

Her: "Ugh." eyeroll

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ways_and_means
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are Police Dogs so good at their jobs?

Because they’re always pursuing leads.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maaatandblah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
there once was a farmer, who wasn't just good at his job.

He was out standing in his field

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversbenjamin5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a really good job at the park sweeping leaves,

I was just raking it in!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_good_one877
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.

Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A farmer isn’t just good at his job...

He’s out standing in his field.

Edit: Wow, my first ever silver! Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 354
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad said it was always important to make a good impression at the start of a job interview...

So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying β€œNice to see you, to see you....”. Only once did someone respond.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him β€œSo why do you think you’d make a good waiter” and the man replied β€œWell, I think I could bring a lot to the table”
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My job is telling genuine trees apart from fake trees. I was so worried I'd be bad at it but as it happens I'm quite good.

That's a real leaf.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoAdenine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
When my ex wife and I divorced, I handed her a letter saying, β€œGood job. Well done.”

I wanted things to end on a positive note.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I once got a job offer to work at a tennis sporting goods store.

But it was just a racket. 😞

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demaionewton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My ice machine was really cool, so I decided to encourage it... I said, "good job ice machine, you're crushing it."
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Egg say to the Ant that was very good as its job?

You're Egg-Shell-Ant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Being a Train driver must be a good Job.

In this role you always will find yourself on track.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Driconian
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Good job Bo!
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkorchids
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Some puns here do a good job at pushing the envelope. Too bad they'll always be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pirate_of_the_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2016
🚨︎ report
I hired someone to iron my clothes. They did such a good job.

I was really impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drCrankoPhone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
why was the seamstress so good at her job?

she tailored swift.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do auctioneers have to know to be good at their jobs?

Lots.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crunchybedsheets
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Good job we keep the glasses in the kitchen
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you say to someone that's good at their job at the ice factory?

You're doing an ice job

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/biphoenix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A scarecrow is not simply good at its' job.

It is outstanding in the field (on a (re-)post).

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Endopl4st
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Train conductors are really good at their job

Because they’re training everyday!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imelie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Most people have a good paying job, priests on the other hand have a god praying job
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/absurd-bird-turd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I graduated from University with Honors, but even after all that effort I STILL can't find a good job

It's a distinction without a difference

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My Red headed friend's job is delivering baked goods to stores.

He is the 'Ginger Breadman'!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trohl812
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the very unorthodox dairy factory manager say to his security manager named Shaun who was very good at his job?

"Nothing here gets past-your-eyes-eh-Shaun?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/limeadeboi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Good Job Son!

Dad: How is school going?

Son: Bad. Today the teacher kicked me out of class and made me stand outside.

Dad: Good Job son! You're and outstanding student now.

Badum tsss...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ammarbushra
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Scarecrows are really good at their jobs.

Usually outstanding in their fields.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccarron16
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I had a job at a tennis goods factory

I got fired for making a racquet

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yerrmayte
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Why is the scarecrow so good at his job

Because he’s outstanding in the his field

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BIG-poo-poo-face
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the scarecrow so good at his job?

He’s out standing in his field

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmill47
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are scarecrows so good at their jobs?

Because they are always out standing in their field.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilkCanMatt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
The farmer isn't just good at his job

He's out standing in his field

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CasperWithAJ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
That farmer isn't just good at his job

He's out standing in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm a farmer and I'm not just good at my job

I'm out standing in my field.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatJacko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report

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