Old but gold
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
Comedic gold
π︎ 54
π
︎ May 16 2021
When I was at school I had it tough. Other kids would throw lumps of gold at me.
I was a victim of bullion.
π︎ 56
π
︎ May 01 2021
Iβm ready to share my Grandmaβs special Gold soup recipe: first you boil the water,
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 26 2021
What does a chemist say when he spills boiling gold all over himself?
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 20 2021
I pulled a muscle digging for gold....
no worries though, it's just a miner injury.
π︎ 24
π
︎ May 19 2021
If you want to get into the gold market you need a thick skin.
Thereβs lots of bullion involved.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 17 2021
My embarrassing hobby is covering the fifth letter of the alphabet in a thin layer of gold β¦
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
Chemist n Plumber
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Gold peanuts
π︎ 47
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Old But Gold.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
A SMALL CARTOON MAN.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
Old Gold
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Discord chats sometimes have gold
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
My daughter told me nothing rhymes with orange. I told her sheβs wrong.
Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
π︎ 172
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
What's the difference between Michelob ultra and pure gold?
One is a minor fined, the other is a miner's find.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
I grilled a chicken for two hours.
It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road...
π︎ 254
π
︎ May 15 2021
I love GOLD , but *A* is silent in it!#chem punsΖͺ(Λβ£Λ)Κβ(β
ο½β)β
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
OP's post is for context but the comments are gold
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
What did the Reddit user say after setting a bomb in a bank?
Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
π︎ 207
π
︎ May 13 2021
Gold walks into a bar
The bartender says "AU get out of here!"
π︎ 187
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Why donβt chickens like to mine for gold?
They might find a nugget.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasnβt awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ May 19 2020
Why did the non-binary prospectors head west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills
π︎ 790
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
This is gold
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
I just joined an online site for gold miner dating.
My first search for a mate brought no matches, but did give me plenty of prospects.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I couldnβt remember this guys name but knew it was Nate Gold-something.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
What do you call a dinosaur without gold?
π︎ 85
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
No need for gold. I'm fine with silver(ware).
π︎ 37
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
We had a bit of an awkward moment at home a while back...
My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.
A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 24 2021
How do gold fishes get old?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
My vaccine dad joke failed
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger"
I said as I was taking away his dental implant.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
Why does Beethoven dislike chickens so much?
Well, when you ask them who their favorite composer is, they all say Bach.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
i saw some joke about gold
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
The gold standard
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
I pulled a muscle digging for gold.
It was just a miner injury.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 24 2021
I pulled a muscle while digging up gold
π︎ 109
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
This is gold.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
I pulled a muscle while I was digging for gold.
π︎ 154
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
What did the non-binary prospector say to the other?
Thereβs gold in them/their hills!
π︎ 28
π
︎ May 20 2021
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