Where do honeybees stop to go to the bathroom?

The BP station.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BunchyBear
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 10 2020
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When I go for a walk with my best friend, he canโ€™t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks theyโ€™re so adorable!

He has awwtism.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/pippingigi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 17 2020
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When do you stop at green and go at red?

When youโ€™re eating watermelon!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 15 2020
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Where do you go if you want to stop a water flow by wedging in hundreds of small furry animals?

Hamster dam

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Octopus-Pawn
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2020
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How was traffic today? It was stop and go.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/oiyshi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 25 2019
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That's what I call a stop and go
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 198
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/that_guy_Peebles
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 22 2017
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A guy walks up to his son and says,"Son, if you don't stop touching yourself, you will go blind."

Son says,"Dad, I'm over here."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TherealZaneJT
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 13 2019
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My friend has been going on and on at me to stop doing flamingo impressions.

In the end, I had to put my foot down.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Eternal_Punshine
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 16 2021
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My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, its going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tombola201uk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 19 2021
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Iโ€™m going to stop calling them โ€œpencil sharpenersโ€

And start calling them โ€œpencil shortenersโ€. Weโ€™ll see how long my family can take it

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 55
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Grizzlyhorse
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 08 2021
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My wife says Iโ€™m addicted to auctions but sheโ€™s wrong. I actually stopped after going onceโ€ฆ

...going twiceโ€ฆ

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 449
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 26 2020
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In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheAzrael2013
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 08 2021
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I couldn't stop laughing when I heard what they're going to call Biden's healthcare plan.

JoeCare.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kellzone
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 06 2020
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Why did people stop going to physical media distributors?

>!Cause it was a CD place!!<

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/terectec
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 26 2020
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I was going to stop but I got carriaged away.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 99
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/orlanthi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 27 2020
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My wife said she's going to leave me if I don't stop with the click bait

You wont believe what happened next!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 95
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/karma-enigma
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 28 2020
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Is it the position of the full stop or going to prison is better than marriage?
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 78
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/star72846
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 17 2019
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We had a bit of an awkward moment at home a while back...

My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.

A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/THPSROCKS
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 24 2021
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A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.

"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"

"Why?" the boy replied.

"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"

The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/winklesnad31
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 02 2021
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Same applies if she stops footballs from going in the goal
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Doctordoom55
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 09 2019
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Dad, you have to talk normal and stop speaking in single letters. Canโ€™t you see Iโ€™m going crazy?!

O I C U R

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shimmywaffles
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 18 2020
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A miner was on their way to work in their new car, when a police officer stops them and asks: "where are you going, where do you work, and who's car is this?"

Miner: "mine"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/weetabix_gryphon
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 14 2019
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Grocery store merger

Just reading the the wall street journal. Stop and Go grocers and PDQ gas โ›ฝ๏ธ are merging. They will now be called. Stop and P

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bigboybeeracreamcity
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 18 2021
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I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 01 2019
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My wife thinks it's really funny to stick first class stamps to my back. I've asked her when she's going to stop.

She says she'll keep me posted

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cotswoldboy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 09 2019
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Iโ€™m going to stop working and start breeding horses.

Itโ€™s a stable business.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/JohnIsAnAsshole
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 21 2019
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I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. โ€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!โ€ I told her. โ€œCan you answer the door? Iโ€™ve been on my feet all dayโ€

โ€œYeah,โ€ she replied, less enthusiastic than I,โ€œbut itโ€™ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.โ€ She explained โ€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, whatโ€™s stopping them from overthrowing us?โ€ โ€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?โ€ She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

โ€œItโ€™s best not to worry about these things,โ€ I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

โ€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!โ€ โ€œThat future youโ€™re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.โ€ I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. โ€œDonโ€™t think on it now, have some faith!โ€ I told her.

Knock knock

โ€œNow let that sink in!โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/olemonheado
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 29 2021
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I got a box of Viagra teabags last night

They do nothing for your sex life but they do stop your biscuit going soft when you dunk it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AnPubLocked
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 27 2021
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The pennie joke

No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".

I hope you have a nice day!

P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Joshy2004194II
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 27 2021
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My wife and I had to stop going camping together.

It got two in tents.

(This is my first post in this sub, and the rules say all puns must be explained, so: โ€œIt got too intense.โ€)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MisterBigDude
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 25 2019
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I tried to go on a diet, but stopped after 7 days.

It was a weak effort

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Gibb0605
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06 2019
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I was walking past a field and saw a couple of guys stealing the steps off a fence.

A lady came up to me and said 'Aren't you going to stop them?'

I said 'No. That's not my stile.'

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thegasketmaker
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 16 2021
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I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.

โ€œMore bang for your buck.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SoVeryKerry
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 11 2018
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I stopped going to my chiropractor,

But then I figured I'd give him another crack at me.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bdiscer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 29 2019
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Why did the right wing daddy not stop his daughter from going out in a sleeveless dress?

Because he recognized her right to bare arms.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jarvedttudd
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 07 2019
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/billbixbyakahulk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 05 2020
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What happens when you stop going to your meditation group?

You get Dis-ohmmmm'd

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Elseebee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 05 2018
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My kid really needed to go to the bathroom, so I stopped by a corner store so he could go. 5 minutes later I see him being escorted out by police officers.

Kid crying: โ€œWhat Iโ€™m sorry what did I do wrong?! My dad told me to go take a leek!โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Chooboto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 24 2018
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Did you hear about the narcoleptic who stopped going to church?

He was a collapsed Catholic.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/procrastiprov
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 10 2018
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MATH JOKES

Iโ€™ll leave out the negative jokes here.

Only the positive ones!

You can tri to stop me,

Adding these together just makes it so much better.

We may be divided because of this,

But not all jokes are made equal,

But y=Mx+b jokes are great, yet at some point we have to draw a line. Itโ€™s an especially slippery slope to go down.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ColorfulStripedLion
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 06 2021
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A co-worker stopped me ansked where I was going with that 3 Hole Puncher

I told them I have a hole lot of punching to do.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mrguykloss
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 03 2017
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Iโ€™m going to stop clicking on r/dadjokes jokes.

The real joke is always in the comments.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ArsonGable2814
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 28 2018
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Dad: "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you'll go blind!"

Son: "Dad, I'm over here..."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/xevetv
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 04 2019
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I told my doctor that I broke my arm in 2 places

He told me to stop going to those places.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 02 2021
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