Where do honeybees stop to go to the bathroom?
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 10 2020
When I go for a walk with my best friend, he canβt help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks theyβre so adorable!
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 17 2020
When do you stop at green and go at red?
When youβre eating watermelon!
π︎ 16
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︎ Feb 15 2020
Where do you go if you want to stop a water flow by wedging in hundreds of small furry animals?
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 03 2020
That's what I call a stop and go
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︎ Sep 22 2017
How was traffic today? It was stop and go.
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︎ Jan 25 2019
Dad: "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you'll go blind!"
Son: "Dad, I'm over here..."
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 04 2019
We were watching Elsa sing, "Let It Go" on Disney + when the video started buffering...then stopped. No movement on the screen at all.
Yup. It's definitely frozen.
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︎ Nov 14 2021
I was in italy for vacation with my family, my son was about to go outside when I stopped him.
I asked where he was going, He said he wanted to rome around.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 15 2021
I was asked if I was going to stop singing Oasisβs βWonderwall.β
π︎ 30
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︎ Oct 18 2021
I confide in my pet duck but I'm going to stop.
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 15 2021
I had to stop going to the local comedy coffee shop.
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 04 2021
I'm usually pretty easy going but when my wife asked me to stop acting like a flamingo
I just had to put my foot down.
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︎ Jul 23 2021
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, its going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Iβm going to stop calling them βpencil sharpenersβ
And start calling them βpencil shortenersβ. Weβll see how long my family can take it
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︎ Feb 08 2021
My wife says Iβm addicted to auctions but sheβs wrong. I actually stopped after going onceβ¦
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︎ Jul 26 2020
I was going to stop but I got carriaged away.
π︎ 99
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︎ May 27 2020
Why did people stop going to physical media distributors?
>!Cause it was a CD place!!<
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 26 2020
I couldn't stop laughing when I heard what they're going to call Biden's healthcare plan.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 06 2020
My wife said she's going to leave me if I don't stop with the click bait
You wont believe what happened next!
π︎ 98
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︎ Feb 28 2020
Is it the position of the full stop or going to prison is better than marriage?
π︎ 84
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︎ Apr 17 2019
Same applies if she stops footballs from going in the goal
π︎ 18
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︎ Jul 09 2019
Dad, you have to talk normal and stop speaking in single letters. Canβt you see Iβm going crazy?!
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︎ Mar 18 2020
A miner was on their way to work in their new car, when a police officer stops them and asks: "where are you going, where do you work, and who's car is this?"
π︎ 18
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︎ Dec 14 2019
Iβm going to stop working and start breeding horses.
Itβs a stable business.
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︎ May 21 2019
My wife thinks it's really funny to stick first class stamps to my back. I've asked her when she's going to stop.
She says she'll keep me posted
π︎ 18
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︎ Nov 09 2019
My wife and I had to stop going camping together.
It got two in tents.
(This is my first post in this sub, and the rules say all puns must be explained, so: βIt got too intense.β)
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︎ Mar 25 2019
I tried to go on a diet, but stopped after 7 days.
π︎ 18
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︎ Jan 06 2019
I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.
βMore bang for your buck.β
π︎ 17
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︎ Sep 11 2018
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 01 2019
I stopped going to my chiropractor,
But then I figured I'd give him another crack at me.
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 29 2019
Why did the right wing daddy not stop his daughter from going out in a sleeveless dress?
Because he recognized her right to bare arms.
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︎ Jan 07 2019
What happens when you stop going to your meditation group?
π︎ 18
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︎ Jan 05 2018
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
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︎ Jun 18 2021
A co-worker stopped me ansked where I was going with that 3 Hole Puncher
I told them I have a hole lot of punching to do.
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 03 2017
My kid really needed to go to the bathroom, so I stopped by a corner store so he could go. 5 minutes later I see him being escorted out by police officers.
Kid crying: βWhat Iβm sorry what did I do wrong?! My dad told me to go take a leek!β
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 24 2018
Did you hear about the narcoleptic who stopped going to church?
He was a collapsed Catholic.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 10 2018
I'm going to stop using seat belts...
They do nothing but hold me back.
π︎ 14
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︎ May 23 2018
I didn't believe my wife when she told me she was going to divorce me if I didn't stop quoting the Monkees...
π︎ 17
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︎ Dec 28 2016
A lumberjack goes into the woods and picks out a tree to cut down.
Just as he swings back his ax to begin his first chop, the tree cries out : "Wait! Don't cut me down! I am a talking tree!"
The lumberjack momentarily stunned stops, but then goes back to chopping down the tree saying, "Well then mate. I guess you're going to just have to dialog!"
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︎ Nov 10 2021
So my dad and I stopped next to a cemetery getting ready to go on a dirtbike ride...
Me: "A cemetery... huh?"
Dad: "Yep. I guess you could say people are dying to get here."
Me: "sdjfiojsdiofajdiafjioadsjf" slowly dies inside
π︎ 13
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︎ Jan 04 2018
A guy walks up to his son and says,"Son, if you don't stop touching yourself, you will go blind."
Son says,"Dad, I'm over here."
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 13 2019
I had to stop going to this comedy coffee shop
π︎ 34
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︎ Jun 13 2021
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