25 Hilarious Giving In Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Really giving it my awl here in the shop

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👤︎ u/nativewoodman43

📅︎ Mar 06 2021

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I felt uncomfortable with my wife giving me dirty looks in public

So I had to ask her to clean her glasses

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👤︎ u/invisible_being

📅︎ Mar 07 2021

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My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.

I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.

👍︎ 14k

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👤︎ u/Brucemoose1

📅︎ Sep 06 2020

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Today, in a cultural fair, I found someone was giving away free balloons to children

No strings attached.

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👤︎ u/manantyagi25

📅︎ Feb 13 2021

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Lunar new year in Vietnam is celebrated with lion dances, dragon dances, fireworks, family gatherings and meals, ancestor worship, and giving red envelopes to children and the elderly.

Thank you for coming to my Tết talk.

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👤︎ u/PM_ME_COOKIERECIPES

📅︎ Feb 06 2021

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A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.

He waited patiently.

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👤︎ u/noqms

📅︎ Feb 09 2021

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My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!

For now, they're just cell mates.

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👤︎ u/7_Pillars

📅︎ Oct 07 2020

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My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.

So we did it squid pro quo

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👤︎ u/NoMoreTerritory

📅︎ Oct 19 2020

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Four men are sitting in a hospital waiting room because their wives are all giving birth,

A nurse comes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations! You are the proud father of a pair of twins!”

“That’s funny...” the man said, “I work for Twin Peaks!”

Another nurse comes into the room and goes to the second man and says, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to triplets!”

“That’s funny...” the second man said, “ I work for the 3M company!”

Yet another nurse comes into the room and says to the third man, “Congratulations! Your wife has just given birth to quadruplets!”

“That’s so funny...” said the third man, “I work at the Four Seasons Hotel!”

The last man is groaning and whining in obvious agony, “What’s wrong?” the other men ask.

“I work at Seven Eleven.” He replied.

Happy Fathers Day!

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👤︎ u/NighTraiN7804

📅︎ Jun 21 2020

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I just learned that they're giving away soda in the Swiss mountains.

Apparently there's a guy up there just shouting, "Freeeee Colaaaaa"

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👤︎ u/roshamjoe_paints

📅︎ Sep 02 2020

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In the Disney animated picture, Ratatouille, Remy controls Linguini actions by pulling his hair, giving him a perfect palette. The little chef’s squeak is the only other voice Linguini ever really hears at home.

I guess you could say Remy is Linguini’s voice of season

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👤︎ u/JoelJoeyJoseph5111

📅︎ Jul 11 2020

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Why is giving blood easy in Taiwan?

Because everyone is Taipei.

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👤︎ u/zeek-lukhulu

📅︎ Jan 10 2020

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My company is giving yo-yos as our gift this holidays and we are trying to think of a pun to include in our greeting cards. Any ideas?

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👤︎ u/birdlawyer213

📅︎ Dec 03 2019

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I have commited several war crimes in uzbeckistan and am giving myself in for gassing hundreids of civillian houses

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👤︎ u/dog-loaf

📅︎ Dec 24 2019

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I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.

I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.

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👤︎ u/buggaboobooy

📅︎ Jun 13 2019

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What do you call someone giving blood in Portland?

An Oregon donor

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👤︎ u/wizard7926

📅︎ Apr 10 2019

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Someone has been leaving this stuff in my carport and then the neighbours complain about the mess. They’re really giving me the gears.

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👤︎ u/Irv-Elephant

📅︎ Apr 30 2019

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Which hurts more: a woman giving birth or a man getting kicked in the nads?

All I'm saying is...a year or two after being kicked in the nads, I've never heard a guy say, "you know what! I think I'd like to be kicked in the nads again."

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👤︎ u/BALTIM0RE

📅︎ Feb 12 2016

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How did the chicken feel after giving birth in the coop?

Eggs-hausted!

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👤︎ u/sirstrumalot

📅︎ Dec 14 2018

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I’m thinking of giving myself a vasectomy in the bathroom

But I’d have no balls

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👤︎ u/skimanjr_

📅︎ Jan 23 2019

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In the 1970s farmers attempted giving weed to cows in order to improve milk production. However, they concluded the steaks were too high.

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👤︎ u/RndmRanger

📅︎ Jan 11 2018

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In Ideological and physical thinking, being anal rentitive and not giving a shit both mean the same thing in two different realms.

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👤︎ u/Shum_Dit

📅︎ Nov 19 2018

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Today I got a $10k fine in response to giving a new song I heard a 3.14 stars

It stated that I was accused of "pi-rating"

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👤︎ u/CSKING444

📅︎ Mar 20 2018

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I bought something for $4.50 and gave the store clerk a five. Instead of giving me back two quarters he ripped a dollar in half and handed it to me.

There was no cents to that.

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👤︎ u/sum_buddy

📅︎ Jul 27 2017

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My dad was giving me a hard time and I said I wasn't in denial

"That's right, you must be in da Mississippi"

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👤︎ u/AJHubbz

📅︎ Aug 06 2014

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