My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary?
How do you get up votes on reddit?
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Less a dad joke, more a dad observation.... People lament on the first fish evolving to live on land and wish it had just stayed there so we don't have to get up early to go to work.
But then we'd have to go to school every day.
“What do you get when you put a penis on one eye and a vagina on the other eye?” (FYI My 5 year old daughter made this up)
A guy walked into the doctor with a carrot in his ear, asparagus up his nose, and a half an onion on his head like a hat. The guy says, "Doc, I just don't get why I'm always sick."
The doctor replies, "Well, you're not eating right."
I’ve been moonlighting as a taxi driver in London to get in a bit of extra money in. I’ve got a pick up late on the 24th at 221b Baker Street.
Looks like I’ll be driving Holmes for Christmas
Wrote a verse on how homeless people constantly get arrested over made up charges.
Why can't the bike ever get up on time?
You have a 2-door car you want to display. You get it detailed. You put it on a platform so everyone can see it. You set up special lighting so all the details shine.
You have just staged a coupe.
What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?
My 8yo daughter made me proud and came up with this: I don't get why pirates go around on boats...
They should be in the arrrrmy
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car
So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases
I’m saving up to finally get LASIK on my eyes next year.
Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...
It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?
Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
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