Frozen Peas Puns

When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!

..."The backyard is full of them, we don't need any more!"

"You said you wanted "Frozen" stuff!"

While choosing a frozen vegetable to eat with dinner I handed my oldest a bag of peas to place in the cart. He looked at them reluctantly. I asked if they wanted to pick something different. After neither boy answered me I said, "speak now or forever hold your peas."

Both sons AND a nearby stranger gave eye rolls!

EDIT: I've never been to the front page before. Thanks for all the love fellow dad jokers!

You cut a hole in the ice and put frozen peas around it. So when they go to take a pea, you kick them in the ice hole.

So we're grocery shopping and I picked up a bag of frozen peas. Apparently there was a hole in the bottom and peas went everywhere. I look up at my husband and he says, without missing a God damn beat, "honey, quit peeing on the floor."

First... dig a deep hole in the ice. Then, dump a full package of frozen peas in the bottom.

Now, just wait for the bear to come take a pea & kick him in the ice hole!

OK... so did you ever notice how every time you spend 4 days alone in the woods and you make it out without a scratch or even a mosquito bite, and you're feeling all peaceful and relaxed and at one with the universe, you're not home 20 minutes and unloading the back of your truck when you slam your right shin into the trailer hitch... and amid the flashing white stars around you, your fists clench, your teeth grit, your body tenses and every "mean, nasty and ugly" word you ever read, heard, uttered or even imagined ("Wait... is #*&%#@!!! even a word??? Oh what the heck? It works!") goes tearing through your brain.... and eventually it passes and you keep working, surprised you're not even limping and it doesn't hurt more than it does... and almost an hour later, when you're finished and getting undressed to take your first hot shower in days, you see a lump on your shin the size of Rhode Island... and the first image that pops into your head is John Merrick yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!... in fact, it literally looks like a second knee on your right leg... so you spend the rest of the evening keeping it elevated and icing it on and off, alternating between a blue gel pack and a bag of frozen peas.... and when you go to bed, you keep the gel pack on while you read and then take it off before you go to sleep... and then you wake up around 3AM and decide to check your shin and the swelling has gone down quite a bit... but since you still have several hours before you get up, you decide to ice it again... but the gel pack on the floor is no longer cold so you get up, walk to the kitchen and open the fridge... and after taking a bite of leftover pizza from last night (because... well, you're here and what the heck?), you go into the freezer, grab the bag of frozen peas and take them back to bed with you... but they're all frozen into one big solid ball and well, that won't do... so you lay the bag on the bed to pound it once or twice to break them up, but instead the bag bursts open and suddenly there are frozen peas sprayed all over the bed and rolling onto the floor... and all those words from yesterday come rushing back into your head as you kneel to gather them all up... but suddenly your anger completely vanishes and you can't help laughing to yourself as you think, "gee, I can't remember the last time I pea'd the bed in the middle of the night"???

While making dinner, The Wife spills a bag of frozen peas on the floor. She's instantly red faced.

I knew I had to tread carefully

"Man, if the dog did that you'd be yelling at her for peeing all over the floor."

She tried so hard not the laugh and she failed.

There are a number of ways to catch a tiger, but following these simple steps will guarantee success:

1. Dig a huge hole in the middle of the forest.
2. Fill the hole half way up with ashes.
3. Take some frozen peas, and put them all around the edge of the hole.
4. Wait.
5. When the tiger comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

I was reminded of my own experiences with my dad in the kitchen by /u/85FurnaceFuneral93 's post.

Cooking dinner, it came time to add the frozen peas to the pot. However, as he pulled them out of the freezer, he spilt the bag on the ground.

"Oh no!" he said "I just pea'd all over the floor!"

First find a frozen lake. Cut a hole in the ice large enough for a polar bear to fit in it. Take early peas and place them around the hole roughly 2 inches apart. Go hide. When a polar bear goes to take a pea... run up and kick him in the ice-hole!

We have a few drawers just below the cooktop, and one of them was open while my wife was pouring some frozen peas into a pot of boiling water. One of the frozen peas missed the pot and I told her "You just peed in the draw." All I got from her was a smirk, but I'm happy with that.

1. Cut a large hole in some ice.
2. Place some frozen peas around the hole.
3. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, run up and kick him in the ice hole.

First, go out on a frozen lake and cut a BIG hole in the ice. Then, take a few handfuls of peas and sprinkle them evenly around the hole. Finally, when a polar bear comes up to take a pea, run up behind him and kick him in the icehole.