Friday to Sunday Puns

A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.

"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

Any time we'd go to drive somewhere... "And we're off like a herd of turtles!"

"What would you like to eat?" "Food." "What kind of food?" "Edible food."

"If you're American outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom? European!"

"I'm thirsty!" "Hello Thursday, My name's Friday. Would you like to go out on Saturday and have a Sunday?"

And then, of course, he convinced me (or maybe I made it up in my little head?) that if I drank enough carrot juice I would be able to see in the dark, haha.

Wish I could remember more... He passed away when I was 8 or so. I'll happily share more if I remember them sometime. Heh, when he told my sister and I that he had cancer he insisted he had probably just swallowed a big crouton. :')

I was trying to read the daily specials, but from my seat I could only really see Sunday's. I asked him what the rest of the days were. He said, "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday."

It was Sunday dinner and my mom was telling the family about the last day at her old job.

Mom: Yesterday was a sad day, oh wait sorry, Friday was a sad day, yesterday was saturday

Dad (sounding sincere but knowing exactly what he is doing): I'm sorry to hear that honey. So is today the saddest day?

after a confused look from my mom, and a shared smirk + head shake from my brother and I, my dad then begins giggling to himself and basking in his own cleverness.

Friday night I came home and found out my dog destroyed my mattress.

Saturday after work we went out and I bought a new one.

Sunday it was delivered. Made the bed, laid on it. She asked me how I liked it and I said I wasn't sure.

"Oh, I guess you have to sleep on it!"... I groaned.

Me: Hey Dad! I'm thirsty!

Dad: Glad to meet you ! I'm friday, come over saturday we'll have a sunday.