Formal vs Casual
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What’s the difference between a guy with formal wear on a bicycle and a guy with casual wear on a unicycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teriyaki_sauced
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Official song of nun's formally leaving a convent:

Linkin Park's "Breaking the Habit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...

It was quite suity in there!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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What should you do right after you have sex in a large formal dining room?

Tablespoon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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It's written so formally and then they bust this out.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Addyiscute
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Wow, how formal. Transformer..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwsumHotSauce
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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I like more formalized martial arts than Muay Thai.

I’ve started studying Muay Suit and Thai.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Today I found out what Bill Nye’s formal name is.

It’s William New Years Eve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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A-dress by a formal man-or in a then present-dential fashion.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldSchoolJedi80
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Who would win in a fight between a bunch of formal clothing?

No one! It would be a tie!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mumpledump69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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What do you call a more formal version of Shanghai?

Shang-hello

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpookyMarijuana
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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A doctor was asked if he had any formal shirts

He said "I have only casualties"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanPitza
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle just below the knot.

 

 

Then ask someone, "which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?"

 

After they guess, let in unravel and go, "Its a tie!"

 

...continue doing this to every single person you can in the room wearing a shit eating grin the whole time, until your wife pulls you aside and tells you it's time to leave (out of embarrassment and frustration).

 

now you get to go back home and do Dad stuff as you please!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakjaklivs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Mality, Mality, Mality, Mality.

Now that we’ve got the four malities out the way, we can begin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdee43
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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I attended a child’s birthday party of a rich friend of mine, and it was extremely formal.

For fun, we went Roberting for apples.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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When I was a kid, my school was so formal that we didn’t have a gymnasium

We had a Jamesnasium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kibasoul
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Why wasn’t the electricity invited to the winter formal?

Because, It doesn’t know how to properly conduct itself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benhrash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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What do drag queens wear to formal events?

Tuckceedos!

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πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
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What do you wear to a formal southern dinner?

A collared green shirt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingGorilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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What did the dad say when his son disregarded his recommendation on formal wear?

Alright, suit yourself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alydm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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I went to a VERY formal Italian restaurant last night.

They only served bowtie pasta.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SweetShakes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
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Potential tenent: What is upstairs?

Landlord: Unfortunately, stairs don’t talk.

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πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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I saw this formal wear delivery truck driving around Los Angeles last night.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopeghostandy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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Why did the two melons have a big formal wedding?

They cantaloupe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justext
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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What do you call a man who falls off a rocky ledge but holds on long enough to

Cliff Hanger... Or Mr Hanger if your being formal.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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The time my Dad went above and beyond the call of duty, at a formal dinner party

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolloxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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So a teenage boy asks a girl out to prom

He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo.

So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.

Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.

On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!

So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?"

So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?

There's no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinityglitches
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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it all

The title says it all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nesano
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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I own only two types of clothesβ€” I wear my gym clothes when I exercise.

For formal occasions, I wear my James clothes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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How does a logician explain why long lines form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people do have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaperSpock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Do you want to know what the benefit of being Swiss is?

Well the flag's a plus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ignat980
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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This is in the lobby of the materials science building at my school imgur.com/Wr1XsFG
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πŸ‘€︎ u/surzzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2013
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A dad joke in Arabic!

In Arabic, there are two firms: formal and colloquial. In the formal form, generally when you want to ask someone how they're doing you say "Kayf al-haal" which means "How is the state of being?" Literally asking how they are. In Kuwaiti colloquial however you say "wishlonak" which means the same thing colloquially but literally means "What color are you?"

My friend calls me and says "wishlonak" and I immediately respond "Brown!" And then burst out laughing at my own cleverness.

After typing it out I feel really lame

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamza78ch11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2016
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I made up a real groaner today, so of course I had to tell my son.

One day at a US immigration office, a man walked in seeking citizenship. The desk clerk began the usual questioning: "name, occupation, country of origin"? The man replied, " Juan Martinez, illusionist, Mexico".

During the process Juan made small talk and displayed his talent as an illusionist. The clerk found him to be a charming, funny, and charismatic man, which put the normally grouchy clerk in a great mood!

The clerk was so enamored by Juan, he let him skip the formalities and allowed him straight into the US.

After Juan left, a coworker asked the clerk why he would allow a man to just walk in to the US. To which the clerk responded...

"For once in my long career working in immigration, I was truly amazed and entertained by a potential citizen, so I decided to waive a magic Juan"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/churnplunger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2015
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Need some help with a pun

I need to ask my SO to formal and her favorite movie is High School Musical. It is also important that there is a pun involved in the sign. I need a pun that combines both of these elements. Thank you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USS_Leonidas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
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Dad joke from my law professor today

Professor: In the past, only contracts that involved a certain degree of formality were enforceable by the court. This required a business person who wished to create enforceable contracts to have to bring a seal around with them. Does anyone realize the practical difficulties of carrying around a seal with you?

Class: (No answer)

Professor: Well you would have to bring fish to feed the seal, a trainer to watch the seal while you are away conducting business. It would be rather ridiculous

Class: ....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Pizza_Puncher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
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Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O too” β€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your β€œstyle.”


I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies β€œFor you, no charge”.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: β€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.” β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Dadjoked by my student

I teach history, I want to introduce new technology used in WWI (specifically trench warfare) so I ask "why did both sides suffer such great casualties?"

My student: because they skipped all the formalities

Me:.... internally groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2014
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Breaking fashion news! This summer men will be wearing a rubber wheel cover.

It's formal, a tire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
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Renaming the charity closet at school...

Our school offers "gently used" semi-formal wear for kids who can't afford to get new things for every dance. It was originally called "my sister's closet" but then It started carrying boys' clothes too, and they wanted a name that didn't sound like a boy might be borrowing his sister's clothes for a formal dance.

"We want something catchy" a student said. "Like...my cousin's closet."

I piped in. "How about the small pox closet? There's not many things more catchy than small pox!"

Single word reaction after an exasperated groan: "no."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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My husband just got me over salad...

I asked if it was well dressed (as in enough dressing).

He responded that it was semi-formal.

Sigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pufflehuffy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
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What's the difference between a guy with a formal wear on a bycicle and a guy with casual wear on a unicycle:

Attire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0theoneandonly0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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