The rectangular advertisement is bordered by your hairline and eyebrows and the width goes along your eyebrows, tip-to-tip. The income only applies to your waking hours, but it is not location dependant. You can choose to sponsor any major brand or company. (HeadOn is not included). Once you choose, it can never be erased and it remains on your head 24/7, BUT you can still switch sponsors at will. Deliberately covering it halts your income while it's covered.
So without going into too much boring details most of my job entails working with proprietary VoIP systems but every now and again I deal with other things. This is one of those times.
So I received a client saying since he had a member of my team apply some changes to his service he had been getting popups. He blamed it on the software/site we use when a client can't do it for themselves. Bollocks.
Without blinking I responded that sounds unlikely as I use this every day of the week and I've never encountered any issues, we wouldn't pay for something that isn't secure and most importantly we wouldn't subject our customers to it. Anyway he still was insistent on it.
He said every 5 minutes a popup came up that couldn't be closed. He said he had to open task manager and kill the process explorer.exe. Perplexed I asked if he meant iexplore.exe, he said said no.
Anyway I thought it sounded odd, I remoted on and poked around. He was right, explorer would pop up with adds for random things, no option to close, alt f4 done nothing. For the record it was Cutwail, kinda interesting.
I let him know this had nothing to do with us and the only reason I was even thinking of helping was this was a change of pace for me. I leafed through the results of whatever AV he was running and it was a bloody minefield.
I advised him that his copy of Windows XP would be coughing, sputtering and very, very sick if it were a person. If it were a person I would shoot it in the face.
I fired up a copy of SuperAntiSpyware and proceeded to let that run. Now I let him know it would take a while and I had other matters to attend to if he didn't mind me taking a look periodically to check on progress. No problems.
Anyway a few hours and far too many detections later I had his system as clean as I'm willing to spend time on it. I still advised him to nuke it from space.
Anyway, I said I had to leave the office, said there were a few small things that had to be done, how to do it and explained why his system was farked, and he could quite frankly use killing it because his hardware is ancient, XP is no longer in service, and to fix everything it's just not worth it but hell, I fixed his reported issues as well as a load of others.
Now I'd be happy with a 'Thanks, Inuit-Joe' but man was this guy rude. I'm sorry, was taking time out of my day to fix your issue and get treated with rudeness.
People are weird, you can do the simplest, most basic task for one and they
... keep reading on reddit ➡
"The Enemy Improved Himself Today, Did You?" - Combined Military Authority Inspirational Poster
"I told you yesterday, no!" - graffiti at the bottom of the poster.
"WE'RE ON AN EXPRESS ELEVATOR TO HELL!" - unknown, LV-426 Incident, Pre-Glassing
"I might not be able to win, I can make sure I don't lose." - Unknown
"A Terran only knows his true self during hardship and strife, all else is a mask he uses to pretend to be what he is not." - Treana'ad Proverb
"Your blows are as effective as your advertising." - Razor Wit Wendy, The Hamburger Wars.
There was a thick mist on the floor that came up to Natraya's knees as they moved down the hallway, the lemur grinning like he just invented sexual intercourse and was about to inform the galaxy of its methods. On'trak the Tukna'rn was behind her, dragging his thick metal girder that covered in clotted blood and gore.
"...go round and round," the lemur was singing. His voice had a harsh nasal buzz.
Probably because he had two purple crystals from a shard pistol jammed up his nose.
A door whooshed open and a spawn lunged from the other side. The lemur, without looking or breaking stride, popped its head off with a backfist just by lifting it's arm, bent at the elbow, and rotating the shoulder.
The spawn fell back and the door whooshed shut.
"The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish," the lemur kept singing, swinging his arms freely, his fists surrounded by faint misty blue nimbus. He had thin tendrils of blue electricity arcing along his musculature, up and down his spine, and the three red lights at the base of his skull burned defiantly.
Natraya knew she was smiling, a wide crazed smile. Her nose had stopped bleeding and her headache was gone, instead she felt like there was a steady buzzing inside her head. A warm, buzzing feeling that made her spine tingle and her fur feel like it was electrified as it stood on end. She no longer felt like a tiny fur covered live young bearing reptile in a world full of bigger beings that could hurt her whenever they wanted.
"...swish swish swish..."
She'd learned that she could make them die.
She held up the bladearm, which was chipped and scratched now, and licked th
... keep reading on reddit ➡Author's Note:
Ended up having to rewrite a future chapter because I wasn't happy with where one plot point was going. It put me behind schedule, so for the sake of my sleep schedule I'm going to need to delay the next update to February 3rd. Thanks for your patience.
--
Rob's right arm tensed as he put his full effort into forcing it to move. The results were...mixed. Everything from his wrist upward felt adequate – more or less – but his fingers refused to do anything more than tremble like they were stifled by performance anxiety. After a minute of trying and failing to compel deadened nerves to obey his commands, Rob let out a sigh and collapsed backwards into his chair. "Getting there," he mumbled.
"That's wonderful news," Vythe proclaimed, aiming a wide smile at him that came across as mildly disturbing when combined with her pitch-black eyes. "This much progress in thirteen short days is remarkable, truly. Your arm should be completely rejuvenated within the next week."
Rob arched an eyebrow at the Fiend. "I guess I can't complain, considering you're managing to succeed where Regrow Limb couldn't, but didn't you guys say that fixing my arm would take two weeks, tops?"
Vythe and Zordred, the Physicians who'd been working on curing his Soul-Burnt arm for the past thirteen days, exchanged glances. "Yes..." Zordred began, taking a moment to clear his throat. "We may have...exaggerated the procedure's speed at that time." He shifted uncomfortably. "Not to worry, though! We didn't exaggerate its efficacy. Rest assured that, despite the slightly longer recovery period, your limb will be fully functional at the end of your treatment."
"In a week."
He gulped. "In a week. I apologize for-"
"Yeah, yeah," Rob said, with a dismissive wave of his left hand. "I was a scary Human with a scary soul so you didn't want to piss me off. It's fine, I don't care as long as you keep doing your thing." He grinned. "Honestly, can't thank you enough. Soon I'll be able to flip off people with both hands again."
Suddenly, their carriage hit a road bump, cutting off Zordred's reply as everyone was shaken in their seats. Rob's glass of water threatened to tip over, and in a panic, he instinctively reached out with his limp right hand to grab it. An instant later, he realized his error and reached out with his left hand while trying to pull back his right. This resulted in him twisting awkwardly, bumping an elbow on the corner of the table, and knocking over the g
... keep reading on reddit ➡I have compiled the entire saga HERE on a Medium post, thank you so much to u/calithetroll for recommending that platform!
Hopefully if Buzzfeed or anyone steals my work now I'll be able to point to that page as proof I compiled the timeline first. ANYWAY!!!!!
Where did we leave off?
January 2017 right? Alright. Stay with me for this y'all, I know we've been through a lot together at this point but when I tell you 2017 ends up being one of the messiest years yet... I'm not kidding. It starts off kinda boring - but stay with me here. If you chose to skip to wear it gets good, Scroll down to Oct. 2017. I made it big text for you so it's easy to find.
Alright. Lets get into it.
January 10 2017: Selena and Abel(The Weeknd) seen together kissing and getting close on a date. This is 2 months after him & Bella broke up. Dating rumors start
Jan 16, 2017: Kourtney and Bieber reunite for a night of clubbing together
Jan 16, 2017: Justin tells TMZ he thinks Selena & Abels relationship is fake/for PR
Jan 17: Bella unfollows Selena and shades Abel/Selena in an IG post
Jan 18: Kourtney "calls off" fling with Justin, lol.
Jan 21: Justin is asked by TMZ if he still listens to The Weeknds music. He replies "Hell no, that shit is wack". Lol
Jan 27-31: Selena and Abel go on another date and stay the night together, the next day they head off to Italy together for a romantic getaway
Jan 31: Hailey says shes [te
... keep reading on reddit ➡It goes as follows
*ഹിന്ദുമതം ശക്തമാക്കാനുള്ള 12 വഴികൾ*....
- ദിവസത്തിൽ ഒരു തവണയെങ്കിലും വീട്ടിൽ ദൈവത്തെ ആരാധിക്കുക.
- ആഴ്ചയിൽ ഒരിക്കലെങ്കിലും കുടുംബത്തോടൊപ്പം ക്ഷേത്രത്തിൽ പോകുക.
- എല്ലാ ഹിന്ദുക്കളെയും തുല്യമായി പരിഗണിക്കണം, ജാതിയുടെ അടിസ്ഥാനത്തിൽ വിവേചനം കാണിക്കരുത്.
- കഴിയുന്നത്ര ഹിന്ദുക്കളെ സഹായിക്കുക.
- ഹിന്ദുമതത്തിന്റെ പുരോഗതിക്കായി ഒരു നിശ്ചിത തുക ചെലവഴിക്കണം.
- ഹിന്ദു തൊഴിലാളികൾക്ക് തൊഴിൽ നൽകുക.
- ഹിന്ദുക്കൾ നടത്തുന്ന കടകളിൽ സാധനങ്ങൾ വാങ്ങുക.
- നമ്മൾ താമസിക്കുന്ന പ്രദേശങ്ങളിൽ ഹിന്ദുക്കൾ ഒരു വൃത്തമുണ്ടാക്കണം.
- നിങ്ങൾ ഏത് ജാതിക്കാരനാണെന്ന് ഒരു ഹിന്ദുവിനോടും ചോദിക്കുകയോ പറയുകയോ ചെയ്യരുത്.
- ഹിന്ദുമതത്തിനെതിരായ വാർത്തകൾ പ്രസിദ്ധീകരിക്കുന്ന ടിവി ചാനലുകളിൽ പ്രക്ഷേപണം ചെയ്യുന്ന പരസ്യ ഇനങ്ങൾ വാങ്ങുന്നത് ഞങ്ങൾ നിർത്തും.
- ഹിന്ദുമതത്തിനെതിരെ പ്രവർത്തിക്കുന്ന രാഷ്ട്രീയ പാർട്ടികളെ ഞങ്ങൾ അവഗണിക്കും.
- വീട്ടിൽ നിന്നും പുറത്തു പോകുമ്പോൾ നിർബന്ധമായും നെറ്റിയിൽ ചന്ദനക്കുറിയോ വിഭൂതിയോ കുങ്കുമമോ ധരിക്കുക. സ്ത്രീകൾ ഇതിനു പുറമേ പൊട്ട് ധരിക്കുക.
കടപ്പാട് Fb: ഹൈന്ദവാചാരങ്ങൾ
👆ഇത് കുറഞ്ഞത് 10 പേർക്ക് അയയ്ക്കുക
Translation
* 12 Ways to Strengthen Hinduism * ....
-
Worship God at home at least once a day.
-
Go to the temple with your family at least once a week.
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All Hindus should be treated equally and should not be discriminated on the basis of caste.
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Help as many Hindus as possible.
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A certain amount should be spent for the advancement of Hinduism.
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Provide employment to Hindu workers.
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Buy goods in shops run by Hindus
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Hindus should form a circle in the areas where we live.
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Do not ask or tell any Hindu what caste you belong to.
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We will stop buying advertising items that are broadcast on TV channels that publish anti-Hindu news.
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We will ignore political parties working against Hinduism.
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It is mandatory to wear sandalwood, vibhuti or saffron on the forehead when leaving the house. Women should also wear bindi.
Attribution Fb: Hindu Verses
Send it to at least 10 people.
Should I be worried? I think of her as a sweet old lady. She has posted hindu related forwards but this one just made me uncomfortably alarmed.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
I. AM. BACK.
Happy new year and other various winter holidays, yadda yadda. Now that the madness that is the holiday season with small children has receded, I have returned to my normal writing routine.
This is chapter 6 of "Shadows in the Berkshires," an occult-themed fanfic set in the "Sexy Space Babes" universe. None of this is canon, I just play in the sandbox that u/Bluefishcake makes for us. Since it's been awhile, you may want to avail yourself of the links to previous chapters above if you've forgotten what's going on. When last we left our intrepid band of adventurers...
-----
Barya Vor’avis was going to die.
She was absolutely certain of this fact as she lay in bed with the worst hangover she’d ever experienced. A herd of angry turox were dancing around in her skull, pounding her brain into paste as they fed on the metabolic byproducts of the alcohol she’d consumed last night.
“Fuck...how much did I drink?”
She rolled herself out of bed, every movement a stab of blinding agony as she staggered to the bathroom. Opening her medicine cabinet, she popped a couple of painkillers and filled up a cup of water to chase them with.
Twenty minutes and a hot shower later, the painkillers had kicked in and she felt a bit more like a person and less like a walking corpse. She was pleased to find that Past Barya had remembered to put the leftover pizza that David had given her in her refrigerator before she’d passed out, so Present Barya grabbed a couple slices to reheat.
“David…”
She still couldn’t believe what had happened the night before. How long was I talking with him? she wondered. It had to have been at least a few hours! She rapidly thought of all the things they’d said, half-remembered snippets of conversation playing back in her mind.
“Oh, no, did I really say that when I tried the pizza?” she muttered, horrified, as the pizza finished reheating. She pulled it out of the reheater and blew on it to cool it off a bit. She tentatively took a small bite. “Oh. Ohhhhhh.” She closed her eyes and smiled blissfully. “Okay, never mind. I’m not ashamed after all. It really is that good.”
She walked over to the table and sat down, pulling out her omnipad to check her messages as she ate her breakfast.
... keep reading on reddit ➡I (22M) keep on hearing about girls in the 20-25 age range that periodically get botox injections in their lips and forehead.
What’s most concerning is that they talk about it with nonchalance and often make comments along the lines of “girl your lips would look amazing with some botox” or “you need to do something about that wrinkle in your forehead” to girls their age who have never done it.
The brainwashing is real. One hour spent focusing on self acceptance and loving yourself would go way further than injecting botox into one’s face and several thousands of dollars down the drain.
The botox industry has been making a conscious effort to advertise and capitalize on younger women. I wonder if in the future it will be normalized for teenagers to get injections to correct wrinkles that wouldn’t even show up for another 30 years.
The thought of putting a weird substance under my skin for purely aesthetic reasons makes me wanna puke. And most importantly, IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. Enjoy having duck lips and foreheads that look like it is going to explode for the rest of your life. In my opinion older women with wrinkles and natural lips are way more beautiful than you, who look like a Braz caricature of yourself.
EDIT: People in the comments made me notice I’m complaining about fillers more than Botox.
Hopefully this is the correct subreddit for this post, if not please redirect me.
Me and my friends play this game where we write down a celebrity or person's name on a piece of card and pass the card to the left, they then place the card on their forehead and ask yes or no questions until they guess their celebrity/person. We call this game "Genghis Khan" because of a Churchill advert from a few years ago when the Churchill dog plays this game with a celebrity and right at the end of the ad guesses the name on his piece of card and says "Genghis Khan" in his stupid voice.
If anyone one knows the name of the celebrity or could find the advert for me i would then be able to prove to everyone that i'm not making it up.... unless no one here remembers because then i will definitely sound crazy.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
One of the sayings you'll hear is "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Well.
Okay. Sure.
If you have a tattoo that says "I SUCK DICK!" right across your forehead, what are the chances you are actually an elite educated bachelor?
I mean. Maybe. Sure. If you want to be difficult, I'm sure SOMEONE out there who has dicks tattooed all over them has an IQ of 164, alas, I have not met anyone in my life that resembles that, and also... look at the fucking media, look at the stereotypes propagating... yeah. I don't think I'm really wrong.
People have a million ways they let you know they are worthless. I used to work in advertising. Did you know that entire promotions are based around zip codes? They've deduced people with similar lifestyle decisions and incomes live in the same zip codes. If you want to promote a product, just email all the surrounding zip codes of an already acquired customer.
People are not unique. People are predictable, stupid, annoying, cumbersome, and worthless. Most people you can get along with for about a few minutes of conversation- then past that comes the bigotry, the lifestyle decisions, the shortcomings that make a person. You probably could figure it all out by looking at a person’s fucking zip code!
What's my point? I don't really have one. I'm just a twink-ass pathetic nerd who writes these rants because I took too many philosophy and English classes and put it to use by posting stupid rants on r/Misanthropy!
I'm predictable too. My point is everything is predictable! Sure, there's outliers in life, and you should always give people the benefit of a doubt... but honestly? People are just fucking disappointing, man.
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
He lost May
It really does, I swear!
And boy are my arms legs.
