I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Buenosdillas
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Bob
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Just to clarify, 12345678
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
My dearest Tira,
I am alive and well. This is my second deployment to the front, as Colonial Legion High Command has decided that non-fatal or non-impairing injuries are no longer exempt from service. Meaning that while I've been struck four separate times with shrapnel and shot through the shoulder, I have healed too well, and they will send me back to the front for service.
It is eerie this evening, as strangely the long-guns have been silent for four days. Our position has fortified, but there are talks of the Wardens amassing munitions on the other side of [this section has been inked out, presumedly by intelligence officers reading mail]. Should this continue, they'll be able to shell us for two days and nights, of which nothing will be left standing. That is not unusual for us, but it is still of great concern.
The men here are a mixture of old and new to me. Familiar faces like Hassan and Gelt are here, my two squadron friends who have been with me through thick and thin. But Glair, the Wessen girl with the funny accent, is gone; she had apparently sacrificed herself a week prior by running into an advancing line with a belt of toxic gas grenades, throwing them about like a whirlwind to cease their advance long enough to allow our stationary guns to reload. They say that when they recovered her body, she was more holes than human. She is now replaced with a new youthful face, he reminds me of the Ackerns' child; spry and bright-eyed, unbaptized in the blood and muck of war.
We're stationed in a trench along [once more, this line is censored by heavy inking], heavily defended but heavily targetted. We can not lift our heads above the trenches without being shot at, and the seaborne gale brings with it constant cold rain. Our trenches are knee-deep with water, swimming with rats and bits of comrades blown to shreds by artillery from days prior that we've yet to fish out and toss as far from us as possible. The rats will surely eat the viscera.
Just the day before, we countered a Warden bayonet charge. It was a mess, they reached the wire and placed boots in our trenches. I myself had just enough time to mount my own gun-knife and lance it into the abdomen of my foe... A foe that looked at me with shock. terror, the realization of death and the final moments of mortality he faced. I wish I speared him in the heart, it would have been quicker- he had time to slink against the wall, half-windedly speaking (for it was his lung I struck)
... keep reading on reddit ➡“BOOM”?!
"That's what they're fighting about."
Because his Visa didn’t work.
Because the audience only responds in a low ha
