No escape from reality
👍︎ 5k
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the lions that escaped from the circus last night?

I heard they went straight to the juggler

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Jagerjj
📅︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the computer hackers escape?

They just ransomware.

👍︎ 36
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Some animals escaped from the zoo and caused ruckus!

It was otter chaos.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/RayInRed
📅︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you here about the dwarf climbing over the wall to escape prison?

He fell!

It was a little condescending.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Othon1
📅︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
"Officer, how did the hacker you were following, escape ?"

"Don't know he just ransomware"

👍︎ 113
💬︎
👤︎ u/magop7
📅︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
No escape
👍︎ 55
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller

👍︎ 13k
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A dwarf clairvoyant just escaped prison

Police say there is a small medium at large

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/ashh640
📅︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
👍︎ 32
💬︎
👤︎ u/elanstake
📅︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press Shift-Control-Escape on her PC?

She wanted to see the Task Manager.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How did I escape Iraq?

Iran

👍︎ 36
💬︎
👤︎ u/DukeACola
📅︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?

You could say it was a well thawed out plan.

👍︎ 16
💬︎
👤︎ u/livelylou4
📅︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Fire Escape
👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/u-dragon
📅︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched a dwarf escape from prison today. As he climbed down the fence, he smirked at me.

I thought to myself, "Hmmm, that's a little condescending."

👍︎ 91
💬︎
📅︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
No escape from Realy tea..
👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
We should call Ctrl + Shift + Escape shortcut on windows the "Karen shortcut"

Cause it lets you speak to Task Manager

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Socra16
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 12k
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
So how did you escape Iraq?

Refugee: I ran!

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/TechNippon
📅︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the guy who escaped prison covered in wasps nests?

He broke out in hives.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
True story. An emu escaped a farm in my area and was running around the suburbs..

Police tried to get it out of that area, but it was rather emuvable...

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
There's no escape
👍︎ 3k
💬︎
📅︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tiny phycic who has escaped from prison

A small medium at large

I'll see myself out

👍︎ 20
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?

The newspaper headline read ‘Small Medium at Large’.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when a panda escapes the zoo?

It causes a panda-monium

👍︎ 18
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📅︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dwarven convict who can talk to spirits and escape prison?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
There is no escape
👍︎ 62
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
2 crazy men were trying to escape from a mental facility...

but the only way out was from the roof. They got up there, before realizing they didn’t have any rope. One guy says, “Oh yeah! I’ve got a flashlight! Ill point it to the ground and you can climb down the beam.” The other guy says, “What, am I crazy? I’d get half way down and you’d turn it off!”

👍︎ 21
💬︎
👤︎ u/Carasius
📅︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I escaped the WW3 draft.

I guess you can say Iran from it.

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
To escape the Coronavirus, I wish I’d had time to isolate myself on Noman.

Noman is an island.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Microwaving a TV dinner without opening the package to allow steam to escape is the best way to cook it!

It will be bursting with flavor!

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s no escape
👍︎ 16
💬︎
👤︎ u/SweKrieg
📅︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Control
👍︎ 186
💬︎
👤︎ u/xxanthis
📅︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the panda escape the hunter?

Bear-ly

👍︎ 15
💬︎
👤︎ u/Flare1206
📅︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the man escape the Middle East?

Iran

👍︎ 30
💬︎
👤︎ u/Aviic115
📅︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A child psychic who was arrested for shoplifting has escaped police custody.

It has been reported that a small medium is at large.

👍︎ 15
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Some filmmakers were secretly trying to murder the lead actor in a low-budget flick, but he got wind of the plot and managed to escape. They took the existing footage and shopped it to different producers, but it was roundly rejected by everyone for the same reason.

It wasn't up to snuff.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/jeromocles
📅︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The pandas escaped from the local zoo

There was complete pandamonium

👍︎ 28
💬︎
👤︎ u/Oz_Boi
📅︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You guys hear about that dwarf psychic that escaped from jail?

He's a small medium at large

👍︎ 10
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
“Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?”

“No idea, they just ransomware.”

👍︎ 8k
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.

. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

“Nobody puts baby in a coroner”

👍︎ 32
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't the police catch Pablo Escobar?

He has the escape key in him.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/L-Sollies
📅︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
She escaped from the sLab
👍︎ 105
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My pet parrot Nico escaped yesterday and hasn't been seen since.

All I have now is a Nico-less cage.

👍︎ 98
💬︎
👤︎ u/ShadyNZL
📅︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the North Korean hip-hop crew that escaped to the south?

it was called Run DMZ.

👍︎ 32
💬︎
👤︎ u/cuank
📅︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you wanna know how I escaped ISIS?

Iran

👍︎ 519
💬︎
👤︎ u/Iamgej
📅︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman escapes from a church?

Christian Bale

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A criminal in Tokyo, Japan lost the police by escaping to the nearest mountain.

He is now a wanted Fujitive

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

👍︎ 8
💬︎
👤︎ u/JoeFas
📅︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Escape to Witch Mountain

That mountain

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Watch out for the escaped horse....

He's unstable

👍︎ 21
💬︎
👤︎ u/B-man44
📅︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever someone suggests I try bondage I tell them I can't because the thing I put in my mouth keeps escaping.

It's a running gag.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/Vesurel
📅︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.

(unless there's a touchpad)

👍︎ 35
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t see an end, I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape – I don’t even have a home anymore!

Definitely time for a new keyboard...

👍︎ 122
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey who tried to escape the roasting pan?

He was foiled.

👍︎ 8
💬︎
👤︎ u/Thisb0i
📅︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A midget clairvoyant conman escaped prison.

The headline read: “Small Medium at Large!”

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/ZonieDrew
📅︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Escape

Dad :Have you heard how i escaped Iraq? Son:Did you ? How dad? Dad:Iran

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/havocprim3
📅︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad was very upset when our bunnies escaped.

It’s his worst fear - hare loss.

👍︎ 963
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
An escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods ....

.... it was a clear case of criminal in tent.

👍︎ 162
💬︎
👤︎ u/MrNakamura
📅︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw an escaped convict today who had gone bald.

guess it really was a close shave.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a midget escaping jail the other day...

I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I saw a an escaped convict dwarf climbing down a wall...

I have to tell you, it was a little condescending.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/jesslees24
📅︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
People who aren't impressed by pictures of a Black Hole clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation.
👍︎ 2k
💬︎
👤︎ u/Sur5er
📅︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My step dad pointed at a pea which had escaped from a bag of peas

and said "it's an escapea"

👍︎ 20
💬︎
👤︎ u/samurai731
📅︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting on enough shifts

👍︎ 99
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic dwarf who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/The_Dets
📅︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fortune telling dwarf who escapes from prison?

A small medium at large!

👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 112
💬︎
📅︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a three foot psychic that escaped prison ?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 89
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Psychic Dwarf that recently escapes from a federal prison?

A small medium at large!

👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dwarf clairvoiyant who just escaped jail?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 11
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped.

It was otter chaos.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A four-foot-tall fourtuneteller escaped from prison.

He was a small medium at large.

👍︎ 164
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?

She wanted the Task Manager.

👍︎ 18k
💬︎
📅︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a midget psychic that's escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/Rathabro
📅︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from jail.

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/Tevvi94
📅︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How did i escape iraq?

Iran

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic dwarf who escaped prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 31
💬︎
👤︎ u/awburrou
📅︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 2k
💬︎
👤︎ u/puggoamber
📅︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gnome with ESP that escapes from prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dwarf psychic who escaped from prison?

"SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE"

👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?"

"No idea, they just ransomware."

👍︎ 123
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic dwarf who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 15
💬︎
👤︎ u/The_Dets
📅︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
So how did you escape Iraq?

Iran

👍︎ 55
💬︎
👤︎ u/Obsidi3
📅︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a midget psychic that just escaped jail?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
''Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?''

No idea, they just ransomware.

👍︎ 17
💬︎
👤︎ u/simplyGagi
📅︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 5 foot psychic that escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 260
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How did I escape the Middle East?

Iran.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short psychic who just escaped prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 127
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call a psychic midget who just escaped prison?

A small medium at large.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

I’m sorry

👍︎ 355
💬︎
👤︎ u/Itz_MEx
📅︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from jail?

Small medium at large.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/johnblu5
📅︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic midget, escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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