I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
I stopped and asked him what the matter was, he told me his dog had died. I gave my sympathies and offered to get him another one, he just looks at me and says "sure what would I do with two dead dogs".
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
I'm not really a mourning person.
When I asked him why so early, he replied with "the schooner, the better!"
A little too proud of this one...
So I’m on my usual Tuesday morning conference call with a bunch of vendors, coworkers, bosses, etc...
With his dog barking in the background one of my bosses chimes in and says “Just so you all know, I’m on the call but I’m outside right now having my roof looked at so I might be a little distracted”.
I couldn’t resist... With the instincts of a wild puma plotting against it’s poor defenseless prey, I pounce...
“Is your dog lookin at it?
Cuz he keeps saying ROOF!!! ROOF ROOF!!!”
I was immediately rewarded with a spectacular cacophony of groans and “that was awful”’s... It was glorious. I’m pretty sure I’ll get another promotion for it.
EDIT: So... no promotion... but in a pure, hilarious coincidence, I actually DID just get the news that I'm finally getting that raise they promised me at my last review. Too fuckin funny.
They're always a bit crabby
The nurse, my wife, and my mom discussing how he "came so early"
I interject with "I guess you could say he has a problem with, premature evacuation"
To my surprise they all actually laughed hard.
But my bike didn't feel like it. It was two tyred.
Wife finally agreed to cook breakfast and asked "What kind of eggs do you want?" (How do I want them cooked?).
After pondering for a moment I responded: "I think Chicken eggs today".
By that time she was slicing a bagel with a knife and with a furrowed brow made threatening motions toward me with the knife... :-D
I heard him pick up
Me: Oh, did I wake you up? Grandfather: No, no. I had to wake up to answer the phone anyways.
She's related to me, my wife, and her 2 sisters.
Anyway the joke I made tonight-
My in-laws had to the 2 older girls while we were at the hospital, and got home tonight. I looked down and realized I had a hole in one of my socks, and said "guess it's time to throw this one away."
My father in law said, "yeah. I've been getting holes in my socks and have been throwing them away, too."
I said, "Left and right?"
My girlfriend was driving us to into town early this morning for work, it was dark and we all had lights on. A waste disposal truck coming the other way narrowly misses us as it overtakes a cyclist on a blind corner. My girlfriend gets angry because of their stupidity, I wait a split second and say:
"I guess they're just a rubbish lorry driver"
It didn't defuse the situation...
Me, walking in the living room early one morning: Hey dad, why are you up so early?
Dad, sitting on the couch drinking coffee: Because, son, I was done sleeping.
Dad: Are you sure you don't want to bring this [additional phone charger]?
Me: Dad, I have so many chargers packed...they're going to think I have weapons of mass conduction!
He was slo-wakian'.
I have a stye on my eye, so when I was walking down the stairs this morning, I had a hot washcloth on my eye to keep the swelling down. My step dad was getting ready for work, and he was looking at me.
Me: "Stye"
Him: "No I think it's a washcloth."
At 7:30am
ME - Hey Boss, let me run something by you real quick...
Boss - Chuck, can you just walk it by me? Its still early...
At around 6:00 yesterday morning my dad was driving me to a thing I had, on our way a deer ran nerve-rackingly close to the car, my dad just said, "oh dear." And for the next few minutes had a little grin on his face.
