The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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While on my early morning walk I came across a man look very sad

I stopped and asked him what the matter was, he told me his dog had died. I gave my sympathies and offered to get him another one, he just looks at me and says "sure what would I do with two dead dogs".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sinkingfish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Why didn't the Athenians like to get up early in the morning?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I hate early-morning funerals.

I'm not really a mourning person.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/limeyptwo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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My grandfather used to wake up very early every morning to go sailing.

When I asked him why so early, he replied with "the schooner, the better!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/armlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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Early morning work groans are the best groans

A little too proud of this one...

So I’m on my usual Tuesday morning conference call with a bunch of vendors, coworkers, bosses, etc...

With his dog barking in the background one of my bosses chimes in and says β€œJust so you all know, I’m on the call but I’m outside right now having my roof looked at so I might be a little distracted”.

I couldn’t resist... With the instincts of a wild puma plotting against it’s poor defenseless prey, I pounce...

β€œIs your dog lookin at it?

Cuz he keeps saying ROOF!!! ROOF ROOF!!!”

I was immediately rewarded with a spectacular cacophony of groans and β€œthat was awful”’s... It was glorious. I’m pretty sure I’ll get another promotion for it.

EDIT: So... no promotion... but in a pure, hilarious coincidence, I actually DID just get the news that I'm finally getting that raise they promised me at my last review. Too fuckin funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoGaborio
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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Why shouldn't you wake a crustacean up early in the morning?

They're always a bit crabby

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McKrabby7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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My third son was born yesterday morning, 3 weeks early.

The nurse, my wife, and my mom discussing how he "came so early"

I interject with "I guess you could say he has a problem with, premature evacuation"

To my surprise they all actually laughed hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_little_too_late
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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Early morning excitement
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdenial
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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I think my dad comes up with his best material early in the morning. imgur.com/a1mfKTn
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schismatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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I wanted to go for a ride early morning.

But my bike didn't feel like it. It was two tyred.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahulsk2008
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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I have to host an early morning staff meeting tomorrow, does anyone have any good openers for an early morning meeting to break the ice?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Famoustitles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Early morning breakfast joke

Wife finally agreed to cook breakfast and asked "What kind of eggs do you want?" (How do I want them cooked?).

After pondering for a moment I responded: "I think Chicken eggs today".

By that time she was slicing a bagel with a knife and with a furrowed brow made threatening motions toward me with the knife... :-D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chargen2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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I called my grandfather one time early on a saturday morning.

I heard him pick up

Me: Oh, did I wake you up? Grandfather: No, no. I had to wake up to answer the phone anyways.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViddiV
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2016
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I'm a dad again (as of yesterday early morning!) - 3rd girl; not related to the joke.

She's related to me, my wife, and her 2 sisters.

Anyway the joke I made tonight-

My in-laws had to the 2 older girls while we were at the hospital, and got home tonight. I looked down and realized I had a hole in one of my socks, and said "guess it's time to throw this one away."

My father in law said, "yeah. I've been getting holes in my socks and have been throwing them away, too."

I said, "Left and right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
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Got my girlfriend on an early drive this morning.

My girlfriend was driving us to into town early this morning for work, it was dark and we all had lights on. A waste disposal truck coming the other way narrowly misses us as it overtakes a cyclist on a blind corner. My girlfriend gets angry because of their stupidity, I wait a split second and say:

"I guess they're just a rubbish lorry driver"

It didn't defuse the situation...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingSantas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
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Early morning Dad Jokes

Me, walking in the living room early one morning: Hey dad, why are you up so early?

Dad, sitting on the couch drinking coffee: Because, son, I was done sleeping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bowmanian
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Dad-joked my dad on the drive to the airport early this morning:

Dad: Are you sure you don't want to bring this [additional phone charger]?

Me: Dad, I have so many chargers packed...they're going to think I have weapons of mass conduction!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emzul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
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Why did the Czech Republican's neighbor never join him for his early-morning run?

He was slo-wakian'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctor_shemp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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Early morning dadjoke

I have a stye on my eye, so when I was walking down the stairs this morning, I had a hot washcloth on my eye to keep the swelling down. My step dad was getting ready for work, and he was looking at me.

Me: "Stye"

Him: "No I think it's a washcloth."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/floodimoo123
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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Early Morning Dad Joke

At 7:30am

ME - Hey Boss, let me run something by you real quick...

Boss - Chuck, can you just walk it by me? Its still early...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChuckMastaT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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So my dad and I were driving really early in the morning...

At around 6:00 yesterday morning my dad was driving me to a thing I had, on our way a deer ran nerve-rackingly close to the car, my dad just said, "oh dear." And for the next few minutes had a little grin on his face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SOPA_NO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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