What’s the sign of a really dedicated hot dog eating contestant?

They relish the competition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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One cat sees another cat eating a hot dog PLAIN, and says

"Hey Cat, 'sup?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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There are no losers when eating hot dogs. Only wieners.
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wyllyam1111
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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My dog Minton has a terrible habit of eating shuttlecocks....

Bad Minton.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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I recently caught my dog eating my Scrabble tiles

I lost it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/An_Imperfect_Guy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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My dad won the local hot dog eating contest

He's an Oscar Myer Winner

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Caught my dog eating branches that has fallen from a tree

His poos were really sticky.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alii-b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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Caught my dog eating a candy bar and quickly took it away.

Now he's one ruthless son of a bitch.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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My dog acted like he hadn't been eating out of the cats' litter box...

...but I could tell he was full of shit

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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I sent my parents a picture of me shaming my dog for eating a 5 dollar bill

My dad said she had expensive taste

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yimjames
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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My dog wouldnt stop eating the furniture so I decided to put him down.

This morning I called him fat and said he had no friends.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomDrunk88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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Eating a free hot dog.

Friend: How does it taste?

Me: Quite good, frankly.

Friend: Do you practice puns?

And that's the proudest I've ever felt.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/highlander24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Why did the ducks eat the dog?

Because it was pure bread

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeatsbyChrisBrown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I think not letting my dog eat water melon is makings her sad.

She's a little melancholy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theMeatman7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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In a dog eat dog world

every dog goes canineballistic

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otherbanana1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?

A dog with a bark worse than its bite.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hour_Scarcity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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What do dogs eat for breakfast?

Woofles.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarsideSC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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What do you call a dog that eats other dogs?

A caninbal.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ovidianu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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It's A Dog Eat Dog World
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drinkingink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog?

Put it in a man bun!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever heard of the buffet that lets you eat free if you bring your welsh cattle dog?

I hear its a real corgishborg.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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I have to stop taking my dog to the park, all the ducks keep trying to eat him

I guess that's what I get for buying a pure-bred

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pooka_pook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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It would suck not being able to eat bread :')
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarknesTheElite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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Have you heard of the dogs that eat metal?

They're ferrousius.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tr4ckh3d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What does an Italian dog eat?

Dog Ciao.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IshtakStern
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Hyper dog tries to eat batteries

At work we have a policy where you can bring your dog. Today Frank the dog was in the office. He is a super hyper dog all day long. During the day someone was changing out the batteries in the keyboard and Frank was trying to get the old batteries. Franks owner pulled him away and said no you don’t eat batteries. This was the point I spoke up and dropped the bomb.

β€œFrank, you don’t need batteries. You’re already charged up enough”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broncothrow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Sitting at the dinner table, (kid) can dogs eat corn? (Wife) No because they will turn into corn dogs (dad) that was corny
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyler232
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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What's the name of that dog that likes to eat other dogs? Oh thats right, it's the...
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryFahrenheit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What bone does a dog not eat?

A trombone.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marekatrek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
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I eat my hot dogs cold

no bun intended

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonerwashington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2014
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It's a dog eat dog world out there...

In other words, life is ruff.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoopskyPotatos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Wife: The dog can not eat an entire heirloom tomato.

Me: Well of course not, those are meant to be passed down.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandaman184
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the exterminator let his dogs eat steak for dinner?

He lets the pesticides

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nomorepleaseno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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I'll agree
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TripleH6699
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Watching some movie where a bunch of dog sledders end up having to eat the dogs

He points to the cats and goes

"If we eat them it'll be a cat-astrophe!"

Ugh

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rybaka1994
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhena_lahrie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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My dad made his first dad joke in a long time

For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max

During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said β€œwell then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”

I reply, β€œwell what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.

And without hesitation my dad replies, β€œwell he can’t lay eggs”

πŸ‘︎ 746
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asian_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?

Bad minton.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milchhmann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do dogs eat for breakfast?

Pup-Tarts.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsKilLikeMine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do dogs eat for breakfast?

Woofles.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
What bone won't a dog eat?

A trom-bone.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NewGenRain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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