It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..
Just spent $1.50 just to fill up my tires at a gas station.
Must be due to inflation.
What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I have a big free of speed bumps
I’m slowly getting over it
What do you call gluten free Mexican cheese?
My friend tried to steal a copy of "Free Fallin'" from a music store...
He was arrested for Petty theft.
Well they are free (found on reddit r/technicallythetruth )
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge
The look on my face was priceless
My friend thought having his boat pulled to a lagoon would be free of charge. But, no...
For my birthday my brother bought me an elephant for my room.
I said "Thanks." He said "Don't mention it."
I got in trouble for trying to eat some hot dogs on a sunny day.
People at the dog park kept calling it "animal cruelty".
They call it 7-Up Free...
... but the moment I take it from the store without paying, I'm a criminal
Worker: Boss, can I have a week free around christmas? Boss: ...it's May. Worker: Oops, sorry, boss.
MAY, I have a week free around christmas?
What is it called when you sue someone for giving you a gluten free cake instead of a regular one?
How do you get free Mexican food at the beach?
Just dig your feet into the sand, then you will have buriedtoes
stolen from: food jokes
When I was a single man, I had tons of free time.
Now that I started listening to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
If anyone has any advice for cosmetic surgery that’s gone terribly wrong...
I bought my daughter a Dorito bed. After many hours of assembly I told her she was free to lay in it.
i have too much free time.....
From my own dad this morning... "I can row a boat, canoe?"
Feel free to downvote the shit outta me. I can take it.
It would suck not being able to eat bread :')
I tried to convince my wife to try this new Indian restaurant by telling her about the free appetizer.
She told me that was a naan starter.
How far is Kyoto from Tokyo?
about three right shifts away.
Amazon are offering free fast delivery on every electrical transformer this week
Just search optimus prime
What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat?
You get jail time for animal cruelty
I've been giving away dead batteries.
What do you use to buy Reddit coins?
I usually use my cREDDIT card
A man is washing his car with his son…
His son asks, “Can’t you just use a sponge?”
I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.
A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'
How much free space does Europe have?
Would anyone like some flat batteries?
From a friend: Krispy Kreme is giving away free donuts if you’re vaccinated.
Why not a cough-fee instead?
What did the depressed man in Saint Louis say?
“I live in a constant state of Missouri”
A guy was in a booth giving out free high fives
Another guy comes up to him and asks “do you have any down lows?” The guy said “sorry I’m all out, you were too slow”
Why did the web browser go to the salon?
To get it's thumbnails done
Did you hear about the time the Queen of England ordered every single non-English person in the UK to be killed?
My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
Used guitar, absolutely free.
Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
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