Let's see what y'all do to continue this
๐︎ 67
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Mar 10 2021
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereโs no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
๐︎ 14
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
๐︎ 133
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Barack Obama at our local church making continual โDing Dongโ noises.
I can see why he won the No peace Bell Prize
๐︎ 2
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︎ Mar 05 2021
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Mar 14 2021
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...
"Itโs cutting hedge technology!"
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Aug 10 2020
Happy Leonardo DiโCrabrio day continued
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jan 24 2021
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
๐︎ 35
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︎ Apr 27 2021
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
๐︎ 62
๐
︎ Aug 13 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโt.โ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโt be buried here.โ I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyโre still alive!"
๐︎ 85
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︎ Jul 26 2020
In these dark times, itโs important we all continue to make puns.
You know, to make light of the situation the worlds in right now.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Aug 31 2020
When the priest continued ministering, after having been officially censured, what did his bishop say to him?
What we have, here, is a failure to excommunicate.
๐︎ 6
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︎ Oct 02 2020
A priest was getting very annoyed with his young parishioners during dinner time and said if they continued misbehaving even the cutlery would be punished.
One boy said to another: "What? the fork in hell?"
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 18 2020
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries werenโt actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...
"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Aug 20 2020
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, โI heard a good joke today.โ Second dog replies, โGo on then.โ First dog continues, โKnock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
๐︎ 12
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︎ Sep 16 2020
It continues
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ May 09 2020
How do dancers ensure job continuity during the Covid crisis?
๐︎ 178
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Continue with this trend!!
I was hungry. So I Czeched the fridge. ๐จ๐ฟ
Nothing was there, so I was Russian over to the nearest restaurant. ๐ท๐บ
I grabbed some Turkey, but it was layered in Greece. I Haiti ting food that isnโt Swedened. ๐น๐ณ๐ฌ๐ท๐ธ๐ช
I felt like I could Italy food in my house. ๐ฎ๐น
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ May 14 2020
Iโm not sure why people continue to argue and complain about Star Wars
It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Jul 28 2020
Did you hear about the blind carpenter?
He picked up the hammer and saw.
(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Dec 06 2020
I would tell you a dad joke
But Maury Povich determined that I am not the father.
๐︎ 5
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︎ Feb 13 2021
the legendary revolutionary who continues to create ripples all around the world. ๐
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Apr 23 2020
Someone told me that getting older is like making a soup and continually adding more spices in as you age.
I guess that explains why all these old folks are so salty.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 21 2020
"Ivanka... I am your father."
๐︎ 424
๐
︎ Sep 29 2020
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
...
keep reading on reddit โก
๐︎ 12k
๐
︎ Aug 05 2020
What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs (continuation)
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Feb 20 2020
Due to PCOS, my friend bled everyday continuously for two years.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Mar 13 2020
My fiancรฉe asked if I could sharpen her pencil. After the pencil had been sharpened, I continued to sharpen. She said โokay thatโs enough!โ
I said โI was just trying to make a pointโ.
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Apr 06 2020
As we were watching a DVD, I asked my son, "Do you know Emma Watson's full name?" He shook his head and I continued...
Emmamentary Mydear Watson!
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ May 04 2020
Turns out that the coronavirus is set to cost the world 2.5% of the global GDP if it continues at the rate it's going.
It's very influenzial on the worldwide market.
๐︎ 10
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︎ Feb 28 2020
Everyone has been asking me about my plan to continue my career as a juggler when the quarantine ends, but Iโm not sure yet...
everything is still up in the air.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Apr 26 2020
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we canโt lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.
As much as it sucks, itโs better to be safe than SARS-y
๐︎ 3
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︎ Apr 17 2020
Here is one big if for the continued success of this sub:
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jan 14 2020
A guy is walking along, and he continues to walk. Eventually he walks into a well. Why did the guy walk into a well?
He couldnโt see that well
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 06 2020
Did you hear about the artist who gave up on his uncompleted drawing after accidentally breaking his pencil?
Apparently, there was no point to continue drawing the picture
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Jan 28 2021
Saw this on FB and had to share
A bus full of housewifes going on a picnic, suddenly fell into a river... they all tragically died.
Each husband cried for a week straight, but one husband continued for more than two weeks.
When asked why he missed his wife so much, he replied miserably: โMy wife missed the bus!!!โ
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Jan 24 2021
My pun compulsion continues...
Friend: I had a dream about a dragon last night. Its name was Fire Fawcett.
Me: It's too bad its name wasn't Uther, since it was a PUNdragon.
Friend: ...
Me: *bows*
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Jul 15 2019
My father, who comes from a long line of clowns, just retired and wants me to continue the family legacyโฆ
I've got some really big shoes to fill!
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Aug 21 2019
It's safe to assume that, once someone rises to the rank of Colonel, they will continue to be promoted.
Though I guess that's just a generalization.
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Mar 29 2019
A child was thirsty
So he asked his father for water. The father replied, "Can't you see I'm busy, get it yourself".
The child continued to ask his father for water.
The father shouted, " If you don't keep quite, I'll come and whip your ass".
The child said, " Please bring a cup of water on your way here".
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 24 2021
I wouldโve continued but with that one pun I was already in checkmate
๐︎ 27
๐
︎ Jan 16 2019
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer
The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
๐︎ 108
๐
︎ Sep 18 2020
Vampires continuously make bad decisions...
...because vampires donโt reflect.
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Oct 05 2018
It's also discontinuous
๐︎ 4k
๐
︎ Jun 21 2019
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโt.โ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโt be buried here.โ I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyโre still alive!"
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Jul 28 2019
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereโs no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Sep 08 2020
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereโs no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
๐︎ 35
๐
︎ Jul 22 2020
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, โI heard a good joke today.โ Second dog replies, โGo on then.โ First dog continues, โKnock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
๐︎ 31
๐
︎ Sep 17 2019
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