Champagne Salon Puns

My Best Friend's birthday is this weekend and she wants to drink champagne and get a pedicure :)

Yeah, so title says it all. We've been paying off our student loans for about 10 years, and are close to paying them off completely and now I want an amazing Champagne to celebrate and looking for tips. I could go Krug or Dom, or Cristal, but maybe there's something more special still. Budget is up to 400 bucks, but it doesn't need to be that much, just needs to be super memorable. I love complex full bodied champagne, lots of yeasty characteristics and am not afraid of a little oxidation. So throw your recommendations on me!

I’ve been married 8 years. I’m 30, my wife is 33. We have two kids; a boy (5) and a girl (3).

I get up every week day at 4:00am. Clean up the litter box, walk the dog, sweep up the house (no vacuum because everyone is still sleeping). I fold the clothes that had dried overnight in the dryer. I check the children’s laundry baskets, and start new loads.

I go for a three miles run in the dark at 5:00am. I’m showered and on the road by 6:00am. I commute for an hour and a half to a job I’m not particularly thrilled about but I’m good at it and I’m paid well. I’d rather be home building furniture and learning to be a chef.

Officially I work from 8:00am to 5:00pm but we rarely finish at the office before 6:30pm. I drive home another hour and a half.

When I get home the house is a mess. There’s no dinner. I’m starving. Did they eat? Yes they did. Uber Eats. Did they order anything for dad? Maybe, if I’m lucky. Wife will be on her phone. Daughter sometimes sleeping, sometimes not, son sometimes sleeping, sometimes not.

I’d like to spend time with them, but I need to eat. Bowl of cereal or TV dinner, then.

I check the laundry machine. Yep. Laundry from this morning is still there, and a huge pile that didn’t even get started is next to the machine. I put the first load into the dryer and start the next ones.

Wife lectures me on how stressful and hard her day was. How hard can it be when I hired a day nanny.

Oh she means stressful drama with her friends. Oh yes, tell me about what a bitch Brenda is and what a perfect mom she thinks she is and how she’s fake. My, that’s so interesting.

Yes, a blowjob would be awesome. Oh wait you didn’t say blowjob, you said bill, as in the bill for all the just had to have things you ordered off amazon today.

She tells me about how I never have time for any of them and how I’m an absentee father and I need to “step up” my contribution at home. Well, this weekend I have to mow the lawn and paint the garage and do all sorts of other chores you insist need to be done only by me, I’m sorry if there’s not two of me and I can’t go on play dates with you and go to champagne brunches where you all pat one another on the back and tell one another how brave and hard working you are to be sitting in a restaurant paying $50 for a plate of food at noon on a weekday for a three hour lunch and yoga afterward when your husband gets a Stouffer’s TV dinner that he heats himself.

I’m sorry I can’t be like the J Crew family in the ad and be

I was finally able to have a first official date with my newest SD! 🥳 It was a lot of fun because we got to experience a couple of new things! In the weeks leading up to our first date, I looked up activities we could do, places where we can have brunch or dinner (depending on his schedule). I made some reservations at a Brazilian steakhouse as he mentioned he loves a good cut of meat and this specific one was new to me, but it had good ratings. He isnt from here so this was new to him too. We had a blast! Just digging in and chatting over some red wine. The conversation just flowed and the meat kept coming in. Service was amazing and fast. I was talking about how I drink just about anything or I would at least try it once.

I said I liked sparkling wines and champagnes to which he then asked if Ive ever had Krugs? Never heard of it, but Ive had Dom before and I liked it. He said I have to try it and once we headed out he drove over to a liquor store and luckily enough they had it. He also said I can get something else if I wanted. I went over and got the Hibiky Harmony. I was going to get it anyways but it was nice that he offered. The sweetest part was when he handed me his credit card and dropped me off so he could find parking. He trusted me that much apparently and this was our first date. He kept encouraging me to get whatever I wanted but it was his money and I didnt know him well enough to feel comfortable asking him for stuff.

Anyways, we went back to his hotel and damn, he had a nice view of the city! We put the Krug Grande Cuvée in the fridge to chill. It was Saturday night and we had plenty of time to just hang out. Ended up watching “Venom: Let there be Carnage”. Ive genuinely been wanting to watch this movie as I like the symbiote plotline and I always wanted to see a live action Carnage. We were just cuddled up on the couch and then we decided that it was time to open up that bottle. He let me open it and damn was that pop so satisfying to hear! It actually was tasty! He looked so pleased with himself for giving me a new experience and that he made me happy!

It honestly felt too good to be true. When we first met he told me he was only interested in oral and I was like, yeah thats fine, I like to perform oral on people anyways. He said, “No, I want to perform oral on you.” Took me by surprise. He wanted to go through all this for oral?? Men are weird. I dont personally care for oral done on me, but hey, if it makes him happy, why not? �

Next chapter up is New Jersey!

**Disclaimer for Jersey: I watched S1 and S2, but when S3 had that massive fight with Tre’s family, I bounced. The family drama was a little too real and like, this maybe shouldn’t be on tv question mark, for me. I didn’t rejoin until Jackie and Jennifer joined and then weaved in and out last season because of Tre. Because of that, this one was harder to me to know what was groundbreaking and what was already known in the in-between.

Repeat: There's a lot of info in each chapter, but I tried my best to keep out anything repetitive or something that is more considered common knowledge. Each chapter will get its own post because there's soooo much in some of them. I'm planning on going in order but spacing them out so as to not clog the daily feed. Also, I took notes on my phone while I read, so some names are shortened in bullet points after first mention, and if something is messed up in formatting or misspelled, I'm super sorry. Anything in quotes is straight from the book! I tried to leave my actual thoughts out of this.

Disclaimer for those who don’t know: Andy Cohen Books published this bad boy, so take that for what you will. Also, the copyediting in this book is HORRIBLE.

Link to OC. Link to NY. Link to ATL. Link to DC. Link to BH. Link to Miami. Link to RHOP. Link to Dallas.

• HWs who didn’t participate: Joe Gorga, Joe Guidice (though he’s not mentioned, he didn't particpate).

• Diana was set to be the star of NJ because of her personality, charisma, and wit.

• NJ was differ

#####Video content

Bubbling Under Top 25 Songs

Top 25 Artists

Hot 100 Songs

Hey guys, welcome to the end of 2021! It’s your resident Popheads chart statistician, ready to unpack a big year of pop as streamed by you! We’ll be looking at the most streamed songs and artists of 2021 plus more, so strap in!

###Pray for better days - The bubbling under

Before we dive into chart stats, I’d like to acknowledge some tracks from outside the chart. Two years ago Dude launched the bubbling under, highlighting the five most-streamed songs each week that hadn’t charted. It became a home for the underappreciated, the overlooked, and the tracks that had an audience but couldn’t put together a big enough week. Here’s my version from tallying up points for the highest 50 non-charting songs each week. The top 10 are listed below, the top 25 are in video form and the full tally is in spreadsheet form.

###The chart (Taylor's Version) - The biggest album bombs

A regular feature of the chart is the influx of tracks from albums in their release week, in many cases dominating the top end of the chart. The top 10 biggest album bombs for the year are listed below, with an extended list in spreadsheet form.

Good morning everyone! I would say it’s been a long time, but it’s only been a week lol. Let’s recap another season and get back to Monday nights!

My usual disclaimers:

1.  I already mentioned these might not be weekly, but just reiterating that here. I’ll do my very best. Again, I’ll do my best!
   

2. For sensitive topics, I won’t be adding any snark or attempting to do much recapping past the general events. I feel that these topics are too important for me to try and interpret fully, so I will always suggest you watch conversations with topics concerning race relations, SA, abuse, etc. in the context of the show. I will indicate these if and when they appear.
   

3. To piggyback off of the last point, I am merely a recapper! I will do my best to put things in context of the show, but please remember that this is like playing telephone. I’m going to inadvertently put my own spin on things. If I say something on here that makes you really angry at the show or a contestant, I highly recommend you watch the full clip or read a different recap to make sure I am not unfairly presenting the events.
   

4. These will probably be long because I’m opinionated and have lots of commentary. I’ll always do a very brief TLDR at the beginning for those of you who don’t have time to read it all. For those of you who do, I hope these are worth the time!
   

TLDR:

We meet Clayton and the women. Clayton is nervous. We meet some of the women. There are nurses and pilots and relators. One woman (Salley) was previously engaged and today was supposed to be her wedding day. She approaches Clayton before the limos and tells him she’s not ready to be in love yet. He tries to give her a rose anyway, but she rejects it. The rest of the women pull up in the limo. Claire tells people she doesn’t like Clayton (actually, she says she “hates him”) and he sends her home before the rose ceremony. Teddi gets the first impression rose. At the ceremony, roses are given to Serene, Susie, Eliza, Rachel, Ency, Sarah, Kate, Cassidy, Elizabeth, Kira, Shanae, Sierra, Mara, Marlena, Genevieve, Melina, Gabby, Jill, Lyndsey, Hunter, and Tessa.

· We start with a scene shot by Clayton himself, who is going to tell his mom some “exciting news”. I’m assuming it’s that he’s the Bachelor.

· He tells her and she screams and clutches her chest. I hope she’s just excited and not having a cardiac episode.

· We see a trailer. I’m not going to recap this.

· Jesse introduces himself. “I was the B

I had a coworker who was in her 40s. She was telling me how she only had one other job prior to this one. She was a hairdresser, and a damn good one too! Started at that salon at 19 making $6/hr and stayed 27 years honing her craft.

Over the course of her tenure, she climbed the ladder. She gradually took on more and more responsibility, earning the unyielding trust of management and solidifying her role as an essential component of the operation. And let me tell you, it paid off big time.

After 27 years, she managed to work her way up to a staggering $9/hr.

Sure, her and her two kids live in her mom's house and she's never been able to afford a car, but y'know what? Fuck that shit, the important thing is that she was a team player.

So to all you naysayers and anti-capitalists out there, just look at her story and remember what loyalty can get you.....

I've just read the thread about people naming "middle class" objects they own. But to me, they all sounded like very "upper class" objects. Such as a champagne sabre, saddles for their horses, original artwork and grand piano ...

Does "middle class" in the UK mean the same thing "upper class" means elsewhere?

In my country, middle class means people like office workers, doctors, teachers,... It means that you can decide to buy free range eggs because you're not so poor that you save each cent. Middle class means going on holiday by the sea once a year. Middle class people can afford to eat at a restaurant and take their dog to a dog salon.

Apparently, that's what would be called "lower class" in the UK?

Can anyone explain the British class system?

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Just wondering what you ladies do for your beauty routines. I have almost a zero-maintenance routine, and I tell myself it's about frugality and stoicism, but honestly I think it has just as much to do with my laziness and inability to maintain a routine lol.

I paint my nails at home once in a while, and I get my hair cut so infrequently that usually by the time I want another one, I've moved cities and have to find a new salon. I have one fancy skincare product that I'm supposed to use every night, but I forget half the time so it lasts twice as long :') and I have quite the tinted lip balm and lipgloss collection, but I'm pretty good about using everything up eventually (if I don't lose it).

I've been thinking of adding in "spa" experiences every so often, like a manicure with a friend or more regular haircuts with a regular stylist, just to feel a little more feminine and to be social with other women. These things are pretty expensive, yet I know so many women who do them on such a regular basis that it's hard to resist the pull! Did you know nice hair salons give out free champagne sometimes? The luxury of it all!

So, what's your take on beauty upkeep? Do you just not bother with it, or do you practice frugal alternatives at home, or do you just enjoy the ritual of regular trips to salons?

Section One: Assets and Debt Use this section to explain your current financial picture at large.

Retirement Balance $0 (I will be opening a Roth before the end of the year to max out for this year and start saving)

Savings account balance - $16,000

Inheritance- My mom died in high school and I received approximately $15,000 in survivor benefits that I saved and still keep as my safety net. Another family member recently passed away and I will receive approximately $75,000-$150,000 from the estate.

Acorns Account- $1,800

Checking account balance -$150 (I pay everything with my credit card and pay if off at the end of ever month)

Credit card debt:None

Student loan debt- Approximately $40,000 between my undergrad degree and law school degree. I plan on aggressively paying this off with my salary when I graduate and to pay it off in less than 2 years.

Car- $28,000 (I bought a car knowing I was receiving the inheritance and approximately what my salary would be relatively soon and decided to buy a nicer car that I normally would because I didn’t want to have to go through the process again relatively soon.) I will probably pay this off once the estate settles.

Section Two:

Income- $60,000

Income Progression: I had a series of jobs and internships through undergrad that all paid about $15/hour. In law school, I started working part time at my current firm hourly making $2,000-$3,000 a month (depending on my availability with school.) I worked full time for the summer and started receiving my current salary. I went back to part time during the school year and working when available, but they kept my salary the same. I expect to make approximately double once I become an attorney next year.

Main Job Monthly Take Home: $3,910

Any Other Monthly Income Here

Section Three: Expenses

Please include ALL expenses relevant to you. Here's a good place to get started:

Rent - $725 for my half of an apartment

Renters insurance- $72 paid annually

Savings contribution- $1,300 to replenish the cash I spend on law school tuition

Investment contribution- $90-100

Electric -$50 (depending on the time of year)

Wifi/Cable/Landline -$40

Cellphone -$45

Subscriptions -$30 (Netflix, AppleCare, Spotify Music, Study Aids)

Gym membership -$25

Pet expenses -$50

Car payment -$500 (I pay more than the minimum)

Car Insurance -$70

Gas -$150

Day One

8 AM- My boyfriend, S, and I wake up kind of hungover. I’m convinced food

Long shot, but I live in the area (Ealing/Brentford) and I’m trying to find some of the filming locations

I know quite a few (flats, salon, beats flat) but struggling to find the champagne steam room and Ramada inn (from Ipswich episode)

Any Brentford locals know of spots used in filming???

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

My buddy is officially an orthopaedic surgeon and he’s coming down from Geneva to spend some time in Amsterdam with me to celebrate this amazing milestone.

He has quite an expensive taste due to being a spoiled guy from a wealthy family so I want to buy something special. Would the Salon 2006 blanc des blancs le mesnil brut fit the bill? Price wise it obviously fits the bill, it’s about 800 bucks around here.

I’m contemplating going for Roederer or a Selosse instead. Unfortunately my experience with these high ends champagne is quite limited. Selosse being my favorite but out of my price range for regular drinking (duh)

Thanks in advance.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

Pilot on me!!

Hello Weddit!

I've secured my dress and veil for my September 2022 wedding (yay!). I'll be wearing the Anne Barge Langham dress and Anne Barge Laurel chapel veil, both in pearl. I'm including a photo of the dress, which I'll be customizing with covered buttons down the back, and the veil (from the AB website, as I had to special order it, and which I'll be customizing with a blusher to walk down the aisle). Now I'm trying to complete the look, and am interested in high quality vendors/salons/designers for earrings and hair combs/pieces! (I'm trying to think about this well in advance in case I want or need to order something custom made.)

Some more details:

1. I'll be wearing my hair in a low chignon (it's curly, as can be seen in the photo).
2. The veil is super long, so it'll come off for the reception.
3. I'll have some fairly minimalist floral henna on my hands, which hopefully will match the lace of the dress. It won't be nearly as heavy as a lot of bridal henna, but I probably won't wear anything else on my hands or wrists (except my rings!) because it'll already be a lot of "look." (The henna is not cultural appropriation FYI; my fiancé is South Asian and we're doing a mehndi the night before in combination with the rehearsal dinner.)
4. As my something borrowed and/or old, I'll be wearing a very simple diamond and silver necklace that belonged to my great grandmother, was handed down to my mother, and which both women wore at their respective weddings. (This necklace (https://media.tiffany.com/is/image/tiffanydm/QuickLink_464x464_EverydayDiaNecklaces?$tile$&) is not it, but is extremely similar.)
5. I think I want to wear a big-ish earring with some floral motifs, and matching hair combs/barrettes to go above and around my chignon. Something like this (https://www.jenniferbehr.com/collections/bridal-earrings/products/heather-earring-1?variant=Champagne) and this (https://www.jenniferbehr.com/collections/bridal-combs/products/phillipa-comb?variant=Champagne) but silver. I love porcelain flower features, but I'm a bit trepidatious about color matching because of the unique-ish dark/warm/buttery cream color of my dress.
6. To set the scene, the w

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.