Carry Me Carrie Puns

I told him it's a long story

but when I go to parties, I make sure to bring Extra

Now that I’m an adult, I realize it was just a ferry tale.

but then it clicked.

https://xkcd.com/2607

hot dog cart: I'm sorry we're out of buns but you can still have the hot dogs

Me: "No thanks. My Anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns hun"

Because they don't have pockets.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

It's my social insecurity card

But I told her I've carried them every day since they've been born. What's the big deal?

I told her it was a long story.

I said "It's a long story".

Caveman 2: "That depends on how fast you carry the club."

(Yes, I'm aware of the anachronisms.)

"They become brain-dad!"

Now my robberies have gotten a lot more successful.

I told her to baguette.

I mean I would carry more but my hands were tide.

Now he’s a chili dog.

I can’t tell you how many times it’s saved my ass.

And I said jerry can

I quivered when she gave it to me!

Sadly, he lost his case.

"You'll slip and fall." She said.

I replied "Don't worry, the soil will keep me planted."

He asked me to give him one, so I gave him my electric bill.

I said 'oh it's a long story'

but that's not the case.

Just something to take the edge off.

The nerve of some people.

... I responded, "no thanks, I need to practice my powerlifting."

Just so I can tell people that I have a Riesen for everything I do.

"thanks for the help" i said

"Don't mention it"he said.

When it’s a bag full of money, that’s how.

I was reading the relationships ask reddit thread and read some to my SO. I came across a comment saying

"Don't look for a girl you want to treat like a princess, look for a girl you want to treat like a partner.

Its very true. I don't mind carrying my SO, but I need to know she can carry me if I feel down."

She looked at me and said "can I carry you sometimes?"

And I said "of course you can, sometimes I don't like walking."

She glared at me and then proceeded to get off the bed.

Because they don't make a .46!

They never saw a lie they couldn't improve

Hosey.

As they both got home, the parrot started swearing at its new owner. Saying profanities and talking trash to its new owner!

The guy was obviously angry, but didn't know what to do about it. So he put the parrot in the fridge for 5 minutes. Surprisingly, when he opened the fridge after those 5 minutes, the parrot has changed behavior for the better.

"I'm sorry for all those bad things I've said to you. I realized I've made a huge mistake, and I hope you forgive me for that"

The guy is dumbfounded, but pleased with the parrot's attitude. He forgave the parrot, and as he started carrying the parrot to its home, the parrot asked:

"Tell me, what did that chicken there say to you?"

Today my daughter (7) found a random plastic eyeball that fell off a toy in our yard. She carried it around with her all morning while she was playing different games. When it was time to clean up I noticed she was putting away all her toys except the eyeball.

I asked her: “Are you putting the eyeball away too or are you leaving it out?”

She replied: “leaving it out”

So I said: “Oh, so you can see what you’re doing?”

The stare… then huge eye roll. Then back to cleaning up.

I helped her finish putting away her toys and she came up behind me and pushed something against my back. I turned around and it was the eyeball.

She said: “Daddy, I’m keeping my eye on you!”

Proud moment. I hope she never gets tired of the dad humor!

then it clicked.

I call it my jingle bell rock

I call it my jingle bell rock.

It is my jingle bell rock.

I call it my jingle bell rock.