Currently in the process of uniting a kingdom
Did you ever hear about the police unit that had a drug duck instead of a dog?
It was excellent at detecting quack
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head
It's awful to see someone you love mugged.
News channels when Boris Johnson visits the Queen of the United Kingdom...
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
I bought an Xbox to put next to my cabinet filled with photos of boars
Now I have an Xbox and a game console
Watt is the unit of power?
You'd be impressed with the display cabinet I have at home, full of saltwater and semen.
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
I found the mushroom kingdom.
I am TOADally content now
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
The Secretary of State will be Biden's first confirmed Cabinet member.
After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
How much does the entire United States cost?
Nothing, because it's a free country
What unit of measure do pirates use?
What's the opposite of Manchester United?
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
How do you call an army unit of babies?
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?
Because he wanted the right to bear arms.
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
What do you call a detective dog's party held in the United Arab Emirates?
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...
She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
And Jesus said "come forth and win the kingdom of heaven!"
But I came 5th and won a teapot.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
What do you call the kings and queens of the beverage kingdom?
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
He’s assembling his cabinet.
My coworker was trying to reorganize his filling cabinet and got stuck when he discovered a bunch of documents about Italian dictators.
I told him to file them as Mussollaneous.
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
What is the opposite of isolate?
I went to a supermarket in the United Arab Emirates, but all the shelves were empty.
There was literally nothing Dubai.
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
WWE decided to stop John Cena pay-per-view events in the United Kingdom.
Because when John Cena visits UK, EU can't see him.
Ba dum tss
What did the haunted spice cabinet say when December arrived?
What do you call the kings and queens of the coffee kingdom?
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