What did Velveeta call their new line of designer brand cheese?
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Two inventors died and ascended to heaven. There, they met each other and with their brilliant minds created a brand new form of fire making utensil.
It was a match made in heaven.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Apple just released their brand new round-shaped product
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︎ Jul 27 2020
A neighbor who's a hog farmer just showed me his brand new enclosures for his piggies...
I wish he'd stop flaunting his new shoes.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet
Iβve been having a blast
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Did you hear that Tesla is entering the lifestyle brand market with a new cologne?
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︎ Jun 30 2020
I bought my friend a brand new elephant for his room.
He said βThanksβ
I said βDonβt mention itβ.
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︎ May 05 2020
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20
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︎ May 30 2020
Itβs tough to come up with a new brand of bug spray.
You always have to start from scratch.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
What did the bird say when it found a brand new brick wall?
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︎ May 06 2020
Brand new star sign
I didn't win the competition to name a new star sign, but I was awarded a constellation prize.
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︎ Feb 24 2020
Why did Captain Kirk flush the brand new toilet?
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︎ Dec 14 2019
My son's nursery school just bought some brand new air fresheners...
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︎ Oct 19 2019
Breaking news! They're renaming the Henry brand of hoovers....
They'll be called J Edgar from now on
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︎ Mar 21 2020
I had to take the brakes off my brand new car today.
They were just slowing me down.
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Brand new protein powder, not even filled half whey
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︎ Mar 20 2019
My other friend (the one not mentioned previously) got wind of a brand new invention for serving frozen confections...
It was an ice cream scoop.
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︎ Oct 18 2019
I'm way, way too proud of my company's April Fool's bit: YOUcalyptusβ’, a brand new brand by Sheets & Gigglesβ’
imgur.com/gallery/JolTuiG
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︎ Apr 01 2019
I heard the local country club has a brand new driving range...
I want to swing by and see it.
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︎ Aug 03 2019
What did the bucket with the hole in it say to the brand new bucket?
βIβm not fillin well.β
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︎ Jul 18 2019
Disney is coming out with a brand new movie later this year...
Its about a beautiful woman who falls in love with the town baker. Its called 'Beauty and the Yeast'
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︎ Sep 10 2019
Brand new protein powder not even filled half whey
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︎ Mar 21 2019
Starwars is launching a new brand of toilet paper.
It's made specifically for your dark side.
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︎ Sep 04 2019
"What do you think I should spend on a brand new tennis racket?" asked my son.
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︎ Jul 15 2019
Bought a brand new Tesla Model 3 yesterday and the interior smells a little funny...
It's got kind of an Elon Musk
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︎ Mar 25 2016
Exciting information....a brand new calendar is coming out next year!
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︎ Nov 03 2018
Buying a brand new prosthetic arm is technically buying second hand
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︎ Jul 15 2017
We just got brand new hardwood floors and my wife wanted to slide down the hallway in her socks (true story).
Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!
Me: That's "Risky Business" honey
Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!
Me: ....ok dear
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︎ Feb 06 2019
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︎ Apr 03 2018
My friend just spilled coffee on his brand new jacket
So I said to him, βhey, at least it has a silver liningβ
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︎ Dec 18 2018
Turns out that new Call of Duty brand frames are available through LensCrafters' website!
Press F to pay for specs.
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︎ Dec 14 2018
What do you call the natural smell of a brand new Tesla?
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︎ Feb 25 2018
What did the President decide to name his brand new canoe after leaving the store?
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︎ May 08 2016
A new French Fry brand for the elderly has been launched
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︎ Dec 05 2017
For Valentines Day i bought My wife a brand new fridge
I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it
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︎ Feb 16 2017
My friend is a fan of the band "Brand New"
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︎ Nov 15 2013
I'm going to make a new brand of thermal underwear...
I'll call it Kelvin Klein.
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︎ Mar 04 2017
I tried a new, exotic yogurt brand today
Didn't like it too much. I guess I'm not cultured enough
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︎ Jun 15 2017
What do you call a brand new show airing Fridays on Fox?
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︎ Oct 14 2016
What did the chameleon who came into contact with a brand new rocky environment think?
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︎ Nov 09 2016
I'm giving away a brand new television. Problem is, volume is all the way up and can't be changed.
"Can't turn that down."
(Stolen from Gus Johnson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-w0h3g07aE )
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︎ Dec 02 2016
Hey, I just bought a brand new t-shirt...
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︎ Jun 27 2015
My Aunt and Uncle - brand new parents - came to visit me today..
They hadn't seen me in a while so they were asking about my life..
Aunt: So how's your relationship life going? Are you seeing anyone?
Me: No.. Not anymore
Uncle: You should really get your eyes checked then! There are three of us here!
(including their beautiful daughter)
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︎ Feb 26 2015
I drew blood trying a new brand of razors.
they're really cutthroat.
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︎ Apr 08 2016
Brand New Dad Joke Tonight
Back story: My grandfather works for Kraft Foods (they make mac and cheese). We live about an hour away from a town called Nazareth.
Dad: Grandpa said his company got sold and is moving to Nazareth.
Me: They sold Kraft?
Dad: Yeah, and they even changed the name.
Me: What is it?
Dad: Cheeses in Nazareth
Many laughs ensued
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︎ Apr 11 2014
From βnoob raidβ My sonβs nursery school just bought some brand new air fresheners.
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︎ Oct 20 2019
I tried a new brand of toilet paper
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︎ Jul 07 2016
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