From a post about flasks in binoculars...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T4KUR1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Just like his father, Kim Jong Un takes a binocular wherever he goes.

For proper gander purposes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
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What do you call a white pair of binoculars

Albinoculars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1uvx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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I was using some power tools and my dad hands me binoculars.

He said I needed some supervision when working with dangerous tools.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rshambo_29
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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I went down to the binocular shop today

I'll tell you what, they saw me coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/867530niyain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.

I personally am on the fence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yarnell3131
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away

But then I realised I had the binoculars the wrong way round

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bustedseat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?

You paint its toenails red.

...

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

...

See how good it worksβ€½

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Dad, are those telescopes gay?

No, they’re binoculars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayKayComedy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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Teaching my 11yo son the Pythagorean theorem today.

A plane takes off from an airport in a diagonal ascent for 8km. 5km from the liftoff point a passenger flushes a turd down the toilet. Right then a farmer with a pair if binoculars watching the plane from directly underneath the aircraft sees the turd jettisoned, and exclaims. That's a high pot in use!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vmlinux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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Dad got us all on vacation

My family was staying in a vacation home last week. We noticed a pair of binoculars resting on the windowsill. We were all disappointed to discover they were fake and had just been placed there for decoration.

Mom: Darn. Now I wish we had a pair with us. Too bad there's not a place called "Rent-Noculars" where you can rent them.

Dad: Unfortunately, dear, you always have to buy-noculars

Everyone groaned except my dad and I who both shared a good laugh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slothboyck
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
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Wheres the owl?!

I came home form college so my dad and I could continue to watch the superbowl together. After halftime he came back wearing binoculars. He would hold them up to his eyes and look over the TV every so often. Then he said, "Son i can't find the owl."

Me: "What are you talking about?"

Dad: "Well don't look at me... the newspaper said the superb-owl was going to be on the tv today."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crispyjay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2015
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I knew it was coming the second I hit 'send'...

My Mom is big into birds and my folks have a friend who works in our local (small town) air control tower that let them come up from time to time to search for Snowy Owls (apparently they like the open plains that an airport provides). Anyways this is the text exchange between me and my dad:

Dad: (pic of mom with binoculars looking out the control tower)

Me: great pic! Seeing anything?

Dad: airplanes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_seed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2014
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My dad's first real dad joke in years

So I told him I was busy Sunday because I had to make sure I saw a friend of mine.

His reply: "Well binoculars aren't that expensive!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Decabus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
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Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away

But then I realised I had the binoculars the wrong way round...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cartoonboy73
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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