A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
The old man would be proud
My oldest this morning as he brushed by me on the way to the bathroom:
“I have to take a pee”
Me:
“Why don’t you leave one instead?”
The look I got: “🤨”
Shey be the Bitch, man !!!
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
There was a locked metal box at an auction. The auctioneer said it was from the 1920’s and owned by really wealthy man. There could’ve been some really valuable stuff in it or it could just be empty. I didn’t want to bid anymore than $100 on it.
I thought it was a safe bet.
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
You will never be as lazy as the man who gave a name to the..
Did you know the Apollo 11 astronauts arm wrestled to decide who would be the first man on the moon?
A man walks into a doctors office. “What seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. “It’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. “Blimey!” Says the doctor, “how do your trousers fit?” “Like a glove.”
If the silver surfer and iron man teamed up, they'd be alloys!
A man came to the doctor and said "you have to help me I'm shrinking", the doctor turned to him and said "I'm sorry you'll have to be a little patient"
If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children, can the children be considered ice cubes?
A group of people went into a maze to find a centaur. As they entered one man told the group: “Don’t bother going to the middle”, They responded: “Why?”, He replied: “They don’t like to be the centaur of attention”.
If the Tin Man ran for president, what would his slogan be?
The man believed to be the last living carver of Mount Rushmore has died.
His legacy will forever be carved in stone
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."
"And he won?" I asked.
"Well, no..." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk!"
If the Invisible Man had acne would he be spotted?
The tallest man in the world must be depressed.
He has no one to look up to.
Wife and I are at my son’s yellow belt ceremony and we see that the grand master’s name is Soon Man Lee, I chuckle she doesnt get why. I look her dead in the eyes, he’s not manly yet, but he will be soon. Now she thinks I’m damaged in some way.
Can a man be French if he wasn't born on the mainland?
Son: dad, what does it mean to be a man? Dad: It means to be the one that command! To be the one that take all the decisions at home.
One day I want to be a man like mom :)
I gave up Quarter Pounders and now I’m half the man I used to be.
What did the Italian man call his soon to be wife?
Fool me once shame on you, teach a man to fool me and I’ll be fooled for the rest of my life
I applied to be a door man but didn't get the job due to lack of experience.
Which surprised me, I thought it was an entry level position.
A man with no arms walks into a church and asked the priest if he could be the new bell ringer.
The priest said he was unsure if he could hire him, but would give him a chance. The man went to the bell tower and started running into the bells head first to make the most beautiful sounds the priest had ever heard. Unfortunately, on his second attempt the man missed the bell and fell out of the tower and died. The priest ran outside to the body and asked the gathering crowd if anyone knew who he was and they all said no, but his face did ring a bell.
A few minutes later another man walked up and claimed that the armless man was a dead ringer for his brother.
A man walks into the doctor's office and says "Doc, I want to live to be 90"
Doctor: "Do you drink alcohol?"
Man: "No"
Doctor: "Smoke marijuana?"
Man: "No"
Doctor: "Do any other drugs or partying?"
Man: "No"
Doctor: "Fool around with a lot of loose women?"
Man: "No"
Doctor: "...what to you want to live to 90 for?"
The hipster version of a dad joke could be called a man pun
If I could be half the man my father is...
I would be a pair of legs.
I want to write a story about a man who wants to be the best Chinese food chef. But he needs to get his life together so he can focus.
I'll call it "Wonton Distraction."
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door."
"Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."
"And he won?" I said.
"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the jerk."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
