Pull up your fainting couches Rasputinsignors, this is the third installment of the Rasputina Joke Archive.
For those uninitiated to the ritualistic ways of a Rasputina recital, the whole affair is peppered with jokes inserted interstitially amongst the melodies. With each era of Rasputina touring comes a new collection of unlikely, incongruous, and inconceivable humor bursted from the tightly corseted mind of Melora Creager.
https://preview.redd.it/y2mmf4z6t3c81.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=60b03d8d8d1b3cf7a27aa33cc3e44cb7d09a0c2d
Rasputina with Kulashaker November 7-23, 1896 / February 2-20, 1897
When Howard Hughes called me up last night, I didn't know what to think! Was he going to try to send me to some school in Hollywood, where they make you walk with a book on your head? If some eccentric, billionaire, hypochondriac aviator thinks he can tell me what to do...
Does extensive corset wearing require the use of a uterine plug, and where can I get one of those?" Uterine plugs, I mean.
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After Orson Welles masterwork, "Citizen Kane" was cooly received by the public he descended into obese debauchery. After Howard Hughes ran TWA billions of dollars into the ground, he continued doing what he had always done; namely prodding the golfball sized tumor on his forehead with a fountain pen.
It's a good thing we're all graduates of the Oklahoma Horseshoeing School, because we're too big to be jockeys.
As for Mr. E. Leon Rauis, no one but us knows of his mainlining formaldehyde, the iron shackles for maintaining his slender ankles...It's almost sad that you will never hear of this.
We all attended the Government School on the Reservation. That's where we get our seething mistrust of "The Man". And you know, "squaw " was originally our people's word for female genitalia. Let's not even get into "BuckEye"!
Sometimes we're afraid you'll think that we're pansy-ass fags for doing what we're doing, but we bet that each of you has a place in your heart o
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
Just to clarify, 12345678
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
Do your worst!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
It was about a weak back.
