BMW M Puns

So I went to my neighbour, who was an old lady. I said to her : Would you like some help around the house

She said : Oh yes, you can paint my porch

I came back to her 2 hours later and then said: Well, I’m done, but just to let you know, it’s a BMW, not a Porsche.

Dad: "So we finally put the BMW up on AutoTrader."

Sis: "Oh, wow. What'd you put it up for?"

Dad: "Well, we were thinking about selling it."

#1: Hey, can you spell BMW?

#2: Uhh sure... BEW.

#1: BEW? Where'd you get the E from?

#2: From the middle.

Note: I have little to no background to this. From what I gathered, #1 was trolling and #2 decided to troll back with a quality dad retort.

Friend's mom was talking about the high cost of her BMW's repair. "It was $1,500! For the freon!"

Friend's dad "Well nothing's fre-on a BMW!"

The two of us doubled over laughing; no one else caught it.

My dad's a doctor / teacher and his workplace was close to my university, so he often took me to class in this busted '83 BMW-320 which he bought brand new. This one time he arranged for one of his former students (John, now teacher as well) to take us, and he shows up in a brand new Audi A4. We get out of the car and i ask him:

-"Dad, how come John has a brand new Audi A4 and you're still driving the same busted car you've had since I was born?"

-"John doesn't have any children."

My dad who is an avid golfer steps up to the first tee today and says "You know why they call me BMW?"

Me: Why?

He proceeds to crush his drive down the middle of the fairway and says "because I'm the ultimate driving machine".

Dad asking me which car makers I liked better Dad: Audi or Cadi Me:Audi Dad:Audi or BMW Me:Audi Dad:Audi or innie crickets