Awkward Silence Puns

Friend: watching TV show called Sunday "I wonder when Sunday ends."

Me: "11:59 I think."

I replied, "It's the basic structural component of the universe..."

To which I responded “It certainly will when you take it out.” I accepted the long awkward silence that followed as thunderous applause.

My kids were discussing allergies at the dinner table. I told them I'm allergic to prison... because it always causes me to break out.

Usually my dad jokes are met with awkward silence. This one however got a few legit chuckles. 😁

Me being half baked asked how else would he get to his room?

Awkward silence for about 5 seconds then the dealer starts laughing and then everyone else. I got complimented on my dad joke.

I’m not dad, I’m just baked.

Waitress: my name is ashley if you need anything.

Me: what is it if i dont?

Everyone: groans and awkward silence

Me:”wonna hear a knock knock joke?” Friend:”sure” Me:”ok, but u have to start” Friend: suspiciously “ok, knock knock” Me: “who’s there” Awkward silence follows.

Allegedly, this happened a generation or two back in my family:

After having given birth to her first child, a far out aunt of mine was asked by a younger girl if it didn't hurt to push out a baby. Her husband broke into the conversation saying "No, of course not! If I could get seven pounds into her, then of course she could push seven pounds out!"

And there we sat, the entire family, in total awkward silence...

I don't have any children -- but I do have a great dad-joke sense of humor. This happened this weekend, and I'm quite proud just saying it on the spot:

Friend: Do you know who's opening for the concert tonight? Me: No, what time does it start? Friend: I don't know, but the doors open at 8. Me: Oh, I didn't know the doors were still touring.

followed by awkward silence, then a look of anger, and a look of defeat*

"me so happy having this soup..." an awkward silence followed by a terrifying realisation: "apparently i'm ready to be a dad..."

To get to the idiots house.

[Awkward Silence].

Ok, I'll try another..

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

My father and I both go to do an annual check up.

The doctor is really friendly and is asking us personnel life questions.

Then the doctor randomly says "Well, have you guys had 'the talk' yet? Have you talked about sex"

Awkward silence.... my dad says

"What's that?"

My uncle walked out of his bedroom wearing a green sweatshirt. My mom perked up and exclaimed in all excitement, "That's my favorite color!" My uncle, unflinching and without missing a beat replied, "Caucasian?" And gives the most wry smile in the midst of a racially awkward silence. I inappropriately giggled. I might be kicked out of the family.

P. S. I know it's not my dad, but he's a dad to some of the people who were in the room. So it counts.

As part of my job (I'm a cashier) I'm required to ask people how everything was. Almost every Dad says the exact same thing: "terrible". They then stare at me to see my reaction. When I laugh it off, they say "but what if I Had been serious?" In a very condescending way and make me feel bad for laughing. What I usually do is say "You're not being serious are you?" They say no with a little laugh and an awkward silence follows.

My friends suggested I take my acting to the next level and act genuinely concerned, turning the situation around. But I think there's a funnier solution. Any help?

Another thing: Our food rocks. There's no way they're being serious.

The conversation went this way:

Me: "Knock, knock!"

Dad: "Who's there?"

Me: "A dull pencil."

Dad: "A dull pencil... who?"

Me: "Nevermind that, it's pointless."

My answer was then followed by an awkward silence while I waited for him to get out of the bathroom. After he got out I got a pat on the back.

So yesterday my friend, her mum, her grandad and I got into a packed elevator going up and the usual awkward silence happened. Grandad out of nowhere says quite loudly "So, how's everyone's day going?" most of the elevator stayed quiet while my friend and her mum went bright red until this fella on the other side just says "things are going up now". I couldn't help but snort in laughter while everyone else kept their silence

Me: "I honestly don't think I've ever seen one in my life; maybe I have but just didn't know."

Co-worker: "Really? I think I've seen quite a few."

Me: "Yeah. Oh, so they're big in the UK then..?"

Co-worker: "Not really, they're the same size all over the world usually."

cue awkward silence before he kills himself laughing...

My dad was picking up my mom for their first date. While she was still getting ready, my dad and grandfather were sitting in the living room in awkward silence. My grandmother, cleaning out the refrigerator, said, "Oh! I forgot we had dates in here!" My mother went running to the kitchen exclaiming, "Ohh! Dates!!"

My grandfather looked at my dad and said (deadpan), "Hear that? She's hungry for dates."

My roommate asked us if she should curl her hair or straighten it Guy Roommate 1: "We like you so much better with curly hair" Guy Roommate 2: "Yeah, you're such a bitch when you straighten your hair" Me: "Seriously, your hair goes straight to your head!"

... (awkward silence followed by berating me with anti-pun comments, jealous)

Edit: grammar stuffs

We were watching TV and a pizza place came on, and I said to her, "I feel like pizza." "Really? You don't look like one!" awkward silence "YUS I MADE A TERRIBLE DAD JOKE!"

Sitting in a restaurant the other day with my mom and dad. Mom hadn't finished all of her quesadilla.. Waiter walked over...

Waiter: "Wanna box for that?" Dad: "Nah, but she'll probably wrestle you for it."

Awkward Silence

We were eating Indian food;

Dad: "Son, if one day you have an Indian Girlfriend it'll be your Spice Girl."

Awkward silence

Me: "Well..."

Awkward silence

"What do you call a 3 legged donkey?"

"A wonkey". Followed by an awkward silence.

My dad and I were saying our goodbyes looking into the bed of my pickup. I parked under some nut tree so there was some in the bed.

There was an awkward silence and then my dad goes "Wow, this truck is nuts..."

Classic...