Avoidance coping Puns

Any advice on how to get past avoidance coping? Like what can I do to help prevent me from going down a cycle of avoiding things in life. Examples of stuff I tend to avoid are; bills, dishes, vacuuming, normal chores. And I have a hard time sticking to a healthy diet. I have gained about 30lb in a few months, combined with working out so some of that weight is muscle but I can tell that I have more body fat than I used to. My body fat is targeted in my core area, around the stomach and the sides and some on the chest.

I need help to get on a good track for the new year. I want to be healthier and keep up with bills and chores. So any advice helps. Thank you for your time in advance.

I was recently reading about the long term psychological trauma effects of being humiliated in public and how humiliation, rejection, bullying, etc can have long term negative mental health effects. It was a very brief passage in a different context but it got me thinking about AvPD, how and why it develops and I reckon it is probably very significant, but don't have much actual data.

Have all of us with AvPD been significantly impacted by humiliating events? Anyone who really hasn't been humiliated but still developed AvPD?

I'm wondering how much a focus on dealing with that sort of trauma could improve our situations.

Has anyone already fully cone to terms with these sorts of issues and found direction and aspiration instead of avoidance as a result?

I hope everyone is coping well with everything.

Looking for some advice on how people cope with this. I think I have done really well getting lists and reminders put together. I am MUCH more aware of time and what needs to be done on a given day and that's been a massive leap in my life (my wife is happy! :D)

However, I'm finding myself struggling to still do those things. I can sometimes get into a groove and daisy chain my tasks together and get a lot done but a lot of times I'll have nothing really going on, look at a single task and just...not. What sucks is I really want to handle that task. It may not be fun but I am very aware of how it would benefit me to do that thing. It's like this subtle but powerful current that forces me off into a different direction. Curious how others are coping with this.

I live in a country in which access to meds is very limited. I am on concerta, but it isn't working well and apart from that and ritalin there are no other ADHD meds.

My ADHD, anxiety and executive dysfunction are ruining my life--I keep postponing meetings, not answering any messages, even procrastinating making a list of tasks because I know I'll freeze and feel inadequate due to the size of it and all the things that have needed to be done since ages but that I never did. I am halfway to dropping out of university because I kept missing classes, and anxiety/fear of questions and judgement make me avoid going back to campus--I'd dropped out a few years before and was finally back on track, but now I'm again not giving back assignements, ghosting classmates and group project partners and teachers, and avoiding anything linked to my uni or places where I could meet others. I even struggle to go to my place of worship because I was extremely depressed during the major holidays, and while the people there are lovely I feel inadequate and am afraid of seeing them and answering questions.

I don't talk to my family about this, because my father in particular tends to fret and make me far more anxious. He's basically half convinced that my autism and ADHD and general disability make me unable to do anything, and it just makes everything worse. Even admitting a tiny failure to him means he will be hovering or interfering in my everyday life, trying to control everything. He means well, but it's the worst.

So basically, avoidance is my major coping mechanism for ADHD and it keeps getting worse. Any tips/advice on how to deal with this? on being able to confront things head on and actually get back on track, and convince myself that people don't hate me for not showing up to anything?

I notice that one of my most negative traits right now is coping by avoiding anything stressful. I honestly feel like this is ruining my life right now. I wait until my bills stack up and feel like I’m panicking when I’m making the phone calls (for some reason my doctors are unable to bill my insurance properly, and I keep getting $1000 to $5000 medical bills in the mail. I am currently waiting for a call-back from an Urgent Care for a $900 bill for two COVID tests that I got last year, despite having both Medicare and Medicaid at the time; they did not bill Medicare properly and keep sending me this bill.)

I get stressed or anxious about something, and my first instinct is to avoid the situation; if I try to face it, I often get feelings of derealization or fogginess. I’m sure this avoidance began as a child as a coping mechanism but it feels like it is ingrained within me.

Do any of you guys deal with this, and have you found useful ways to at least deal with some of the stressors in your life? (I have had many years of talk therapy and medication; some mindfulness and CBT-type therapy, but not as much as I’d like).

EDIT: Yes, I realize $900 is outrageous for two COVID tests, and yet… that is what they have on their itemized statement.

Long story short, I feel like all my life problems like depression and etc. boils down to avoidance coping.

I just can't force myself to do tasks if they cause me anxiety, fear or some other negative emotions. No matter how aware I am on how destructive it is. I'll just tell myself "Later" and just search for a dopamine fix.

Need to pick up a sock? Nah, I'll just wait until my entire apartment is ridden with dirty laundry.

Need to throw out chicken which has started to rot in my fridge? Nah, Ill do it when it STINKS BAD.

Need to pay a bill? I'll bullshit myself that I will later. Only to get fined extra for not paying.

Need to pay rent? Nah. Won't do it. Until after a few months I get kicked out.

I need to write my Masters Thesis? I'll do it later. I'll ignore my Mentor, until I get kicked out of my Masters program....

CBT didn't help me at all. I went to a psychiatrist, and they all just prescribe SSRI's, when I know it won't tackle the root of my problem. I have a suspicion that I am horrible at controlling my impulses, because of ADHD. But unfortunately, ADHD here in my country (Europe) isn't seen as a "real" medical illness.

The irony in all of that is that "I don't know what to do". I do. Start journaling. Start practicing mindfulness. Learn how to be mindful of my triggers and etc. But.... I just can't force myself. There's always something better to distract my mind.

Every time I distract myself from SH, it always makes me feel like garbage, because I didn’t actually solve anything. With most other problems in my life, avoiding it is the opposite of what the real solution it (ie, procrastinating). But with SH, it’s completely different, because I’m supposed to distract myself, but I then feel as if I’m cheating the system. Anybody else feel this way?

hi!! i just recently stumbled upon the term "avoidance coping" and i think it describes what i feel. does anyone have any suggestions on what to do to help stop it?

for instance, recently i tend to procrastinate schoolwork thats very stressful (like im doing right now). i keep cramming everything in one day and feeling like complete shit about it after but then i get lucky that my teachers arent too strict and ill do it all over again.

i also noticed that this can apply to my relationships with people, as since years ago ive always had a tendency to stop talking to people when it feels overwhelming. its not that theyre boring or mean, its just that it feels tiring and like im not sure what to say. ive even once ghosted my 4 year bestfriend who i was REALLY really close to. i am also currently in the process of ghosting two people right now, one's a new friend i dont really wanna lose but i havent talked to them for a month.

i could consider therapy but im not sure how to start it or if this warrants that. so im asking help here... thanks for the advice!

Avoidance has been my kind of go to. I'm not proud of it. Whenever I feel like I've disappointed someone or faced with an uncomfortable situation, shutting down to run away from the anxiety that situation brings up has always been my ideal choice. At times I couldn't physically open an email or text yet I'll be thinking about it constantly. It doesn't make sense... but it's something I'd do. I avoid when I should speak up,even when it sometimes means losing friendships, opportunities or meaningful growth. In the last two months, I've had some very difficult conversations with friends that were really hard to start but I'm super glad I did. Basically I'm working on this avoidance thing and making some progress.

I have sleep issues when it comes to sleeping at night - night terrors, insomnia, sleep paralysis, etc. But for years I’ve used naps as somewhat of a coping mechanism to shut off my feelings of stress and fatigue and I’ve gotten rid of the habit, but not the compulsion to.

I'm wondering if anyone else uses naps/daytime sleep as a coping/avoidance mechanism. Before the pandemic, I'd come home and nap every day after school regardless of how tired I was, and I was home alone so it was easy for me. At the height of my eating disorder, and especially in depressive episodes, I'd sleep the day away to avoid life/eating. Now, I'm still in my childhood home but I'm never home alone anymore so I can never relax enough to sleep during the day. I usually can't even sleep at night until I know everyone else is asleep.

Yesterday, I had an afternoon shift at work and kept telling myself I needed to nap a few hours before, so I could wake up and go to work. Same thing today with an afternoon class. I didn't either time but I just find the compulsion weird. I'm always tired to some degree, but I can't even physically nap anymore.

My mom has BPD and I have been NC for several years. Working to tackle some of the more disruptive coping mechanisms/habits that I developed due to my abusive childhood.

A lot of my childhood, I played dead. My mom would literally yell at me for hours over random stuff. She's trick me into getting in the car with her (we're visiting grandma, we are going shopping, etc) and then drive to an empty parking lot and just yell for hours. I remember her doing this when I was really young, like 6 or 7.

You guys probably understand all of this all too well so I won't go too much into her behaviour. But because of this, I developed a horrible habit of hiding/playing dead when I get stressed out. For example, I will often procrastinate by binging social media/gaming to the point where it can be considered dissociation. I'll have something I need to do for my job (working from home. I work in tech) and lose so much time distracting myself from the negative emotions that come with work. Ignoring the problem was the only thing in my toolbelt because any amount of caring or trying just made the blowout that much more devastating. I accepted it as a normal part of life and just let it pass over like one would a hurricane.

For so much during my childhood, nothing I did could avoid or prevent the blowout. It was inevitable. So some part of me has that same mentality in adulthood. A boss has literally never yelled at me. I have never been fired. I have never been physically attacked at work but a subconscious part of me is convinced this will happen.

So, I hide. I avoid work. I avoid my emails. A not very big deal becomes a big deal due to my inactivity on an issue. I hate this habit more than anything about me. I have been in an intensive therapy program with a great therapist but I haven't been able to shake this one through therapy.

Can anyone relate and have any tips/tricks/practices/mantras that helped them overcome their avoidance ways?

I am tired of allowing my ocd to shut me down. I am sick of it controlling my life. I figure there's other people out there who have been were I am so I thought I'd ask but your strategy to combat this tendency.

I get really bad social anxiety and often isolate myself and hide in my room. But when i am in my room I am so scared that someone is going to come in or something bad is going to happen that I can't calm down until i have checked the door is locked several times. Whilst locking myself away from everyone is the only way I can currently cope with my anxiety, it makes me so sad and lonely and I know its something i need to stop doing as I have started having suicidal thoughts. How can i lessen these behaviours? I just tried to sit in my room with my door unlocked and had a massive panic attack in less than 10 minutes.

Hi,

Any skills for coping with job rejection? Would appreciate any advice or recommendation! Just received the rejection from the job I was eagerly looking forward to joining. It was the best match for me based on my educational background and interest. I really wanted to join that place!

A bit of background: I have lost confidence to apply at other places and am already facing extreme anxiety when I do job searches or prepare for interviews and do online courses. I am absolutely avoiding everything for the past 10 months and can't bring up myself to do job preparation or even check websites for job openings. My anxiety is very high and this was the only job I was looking forward to joining and had a positive interview experience. Now I'm completely bummed again. I am hopeless as I fear I have no choices left for myself because of my self-sabotaging behaviours related to job search. I am extremely fearful to even open my laptop and continue the online courses I had paid for in the past 8-10 months. I'm absolutely terrified to look for jobs again. I have left many tasks incomplete: discontinued online courses, stopped getting back at potential interviewers, stopped checking LinkedIn, dropped exercise regime, gave up on my diet, stopped socializing and now I can not even step outside my room. I feel there is no future for me.

I am badly struggling and I want to break this cycle.

My therapist will do DBT with me but we have not yet properly started and still going very slow. I am helpless and I can't spend more weeks or months staying in this helpless state.

Any skill that will help me at least pick up my pace again after long 10-month break? Please help me. I feel mentally stuck for the past 10 months and have lost many opportunities and discontinued my progress and tasks to this neverending anxiety.

I have this impulse to clean things, which seems like a good trait from a distance, but I feel like I use it as a distraction from what I should be doing (working on my resume, looking for work, applying for new health insurance, replying to texts/emails, etc.) and I convince myself I can't do anything of those involved and important tasks until I take care of making my surroundings tidy. But that never happens. Once I finish tidying, I will keep distracting myself and avoiding the important tasks with more interesting things.

Also cleaning gives me a deep sense of satisfaction, which makes me feel better about myself for not doing the more difficult tasks. Because at least I'm doing *something* productive. I can also see the progress I make while cleaning, so it's very gratifying to me.

Wondering if anyone else here does this? I am undiagnosed, but highly suspish and looking to get tested soon. But I see how many of you struggle with cleaning and it makes me doubt my suspicions about myself?

Also I may have developed this habit to cope with growing up in a somewhat dysfunctional household. I have had to impulse to clean things since I was 6 or 7, and would regularly dust the furniture, wipe the counters and put away clutter as a child. This ties into people-pleasing too, like if make the house clean, maybe my parents would be happy. My parents were never happy during my childhood, still aren't.

I do not believe this is at an OCD level for me, but mess does stress me out.

I'm currently learning how to cope with The Dramatic Mess That I Am through dialectical behavioral therapy group classes and individual , I struggle with avoidance of tasks/work and procrastination. Usually it's depression-based. I know it's there when I think "I'm too tired" or "I don't have the energy" or "I'm not in the mood to do this" or "I'll do this later".

The game-changer for me is learning to cope with these feelings by constantly asking myself this question: "What if my emotions were not in the way? What if my emotions were not a factor in the situation? What could I do in my life, what could I achieve, what kind of experiences do I have the potential to have - if my emotions weren't in the way of me getting my shit done?"

In corollary, currently I'm working on stopping the judgment of my own emotions. When I procrastinate or avoid or get into my unhealthy avoidance patterns, I beat myself up. Really hard. Like, I think of myself as a failure, I can't reach my goals, I'm incapable of XYZ "simple" task, why am I so deficient and incapable that I can't JUST DO THE DAMN TASK.

But the voice always says "You didn't do the task, so you're a failure. You're always late. You over-promise and under-deliver. The proof of your constant failure is in your cycles of procrastination and reliance on pacifiers (food/alcohol/drugs, etc) to cope with the guilt and shame of being what you are - unfocused, ineffective, an under-achiever. The proof of your failure is in your mediocrity.

I learned that when I procrastinate or avoid, this narrative reel starts playing in my head. It's so harshly judgmental about my character as a person, capabilities, and who I am. These thoughts are paralyzing. Somewhere deep inside of myself, my tender feelings are getting their ass kicked by Judgmental Thought me. It's like, imagine you're trying to do a productive task, and you have this negative drill sergeant right behind you yelling in your ear that you suck as a person and you're a failure and you're broken. Like, who the fuck could get anything done?? This inner drill sergeant is upsetting me, being verbally abusive and unfairly judgmental, and it's compromising my mood. So how do I get rid of the drill sergeant? I check out... check out of myself, check out of my mind, check out of the task, procrastinate. All while Drill Sergeant never really went away. It just gets louder like SEE!! YOU CHECKING OUT AND AVOID IS LITERALLY PROOF OF YOUR FAILURE. So then I get racked

I'm just now realizing what a toll my avoidance coping mechanisms/numbing out are having on my life. I feel like I haven't accomplished so many of the things that I could have if I didn't avoid or put off projects and tasks that feel overwhelming. I have big passions and goals, but I find it really difficult to put in the daily work due to my anxiety around feeling incompetent and my innate avoidance of intense, uncomfortable situations. I certainly know how to work hard, but often this is experienced as a "mad dash" toward the end to meet a deadline. I generally always get it done, but just getting it done is not enough for me anymore as I want to build my career in a competitive field (visual arts) and overcome these self-sabotaging habits.

Any other 9s (or other types) have suggestions for practical/actionable tips to help move past avoidance coping? Or just can empathize? I want to overcome it but obviously just saying "stop avoiding" it is extremely unhelpful because I tell myself that 100x a day haha.

So I met with the doc about my adderall worked well for a while but now I’m having issues increasing the dose actually made those issues worse.

I have always taken in very large quantities of caffeine and nicotine. Doc obviously has wanted me to cut down and quit but I can’t seem to do it and still function.

My main struggle all my life has been not quitting jobs and maintaining motivation for literally anything and now the struggle is back

She said I probably need a counselor because the issues are likely behavioral and medicine can’t fix everything. At this time I can’t afford a counselor so I’m here looking for coping tips.

Obviously when I get the adderall and it takes effect and then I have a monster and vape at that point I usually have about an hour or two of focus and motivation for the job. Once that slows down and weans off I’m bored and distracted and it’s damn near impossible for me to do anything outside of something interesting or something I really want to do. Not ideal for work and certainly not what you want when you work in sales it kinda ruins your sales.

The feeling I get when I try and make myself is almost like my body doesn’t respond to my mind or I’m like paralyzed I’m like I know I need to do this thing let’s do it and then nothing and this seems to continue until I get barely anything done or I get distracted by something interesting or until I pound another monster some coffee and vape some nicotine and this seems to be constant. I legit feel like what I assume a normal person feels like only with my adderall in full swing and usually at least 1 if not two monsters and a couple cups of coffee and vape.

It’s insane she said she thinks it’s behavioral

Anyone thoughts?

Just got over a two week hump of avoiding my class because I prioritized my work schedule over my class schedule so my midnight was the class time.

Except I didn’t warn my teacher the last time I missed class and went down the spiral of being a disappointment and messing up so the class isn’t worth doing anymore because what’s the point, I already messed up.

This sucks!! It feels so real while it’s happening. My teacher actually hated me, they actually thought I was stupid. That I wasn’t worth their time.

It felt like I woke up out of a two-week haze last night and I knew it was over-my mood was past. It feels so silly about the way I reacted. My medication helps with not feeling overwhelmingly bad about it, but I still don’t have the willpower to actually do anything about it while it’s happening because it’s like having a TV show in the background that you don’t want to watch. You look over every now and then hoping the channel changed except it’ll never change unless you change it. But it’s just background noise, the show has to end at some point, the remote isn’t worth looking for.

I talked to my therapist about how I hadn’t done anything for my class and he commented it was clearly avoidance and I was like I know!!! I’m incredibly aware of what I’m doing I just can’t see how I’m actually wrong until I’m out of the mood.

Just wanted to rant a bit since I’m starting to analyze my own actions and reactions more now that I can. It’s all about moving forward and up.

Although flip side, during this avoidance, I started to actually enjoy what I was doing while avoiding my class and that’s a whole other string to untangle with thinking it’s unfair how I’m trapping myself into un-fun stuff when I can finally enjoy fun things.

ADD is a trip.

Do many of you use avoidance coping mechanism?

I am very new to all this, trying to figure out where I fit into AvPD. It was suggested by my psychologist, we only had one session and I can't book another one until September.

I wouldn't say I am socially awkward and think of myself as an extrovert, anyone like me here?

Not sure if this is the right sub for this but I’ll post anyway. I have a really big assignment due soon which basically determines my retention in my grad program. I have been having an extremely hard time writing and have been constantly doubting my ability. A lot of stress and anxiety has been building and I’ve found myself snoozing my alarm for hours as a way to escape from what I have to face. I know that this will only contribute to my problems but does anybody have any advice on how to break out of this vicious habit?

I am no longer feeling depression or reacting to CPTSD, but I find I still do avoidance coping. I am chipping away at the problem by exposure therapy ... but GODDAMNIT I WANT IT GONE!

I’m asking because I think I’m using it in the wrong way.

Actual meditation (watching thoughts) is extremely traumatic for me because my past contains so much trauma that replays itself fully every time I meditate, not stopping until the memory is over or the session ends, and I will say that experiencing being abused as a child all over again, feeling all of it, with not even thoughts to distract yourself, and not allowed to react at all, seems to feel more painful than when it initially happened. Even when I can achieve being the observer, I’m basically willingly sitting down to watch child torture for an hour. After a session of thought watching meditation my mood is far more anxious and short. I used to meditate every day for about a year and I’ve taken a break for the past month. I also have a recent heart issue that starts occurring whenever I am breathing deeply, which has also encouraged me to stop until I can get it checked out.

However, mindfulness, just coming into the present moment and being there, can keep me happy for days. I don’t have to think about anything other than what is going on around me, I can handle a lot more stuff that would otherwise upset me, and I can enjoy things I otherwise wouldn’t. The past few weeks have been amazing since I’ve just been experiencing everything and not thinking about anything else. However I think that the happiness I get from this is not healthy. I think I am using mindfulness to avoid facing the trauma. If a traumatic memory comes up in daily life I just pull myself into the present moment, and don’t have to deal with it anymore. I am also guilty of just deciding to think “positive thoughts” instead of facing a situation for what it is. For instance if I’m having an unpleasant interaction at work I can think about my pets and be positive and able to keep my cool in the situation. It’s a cop-out and probably unhealthy, but my ego keeps being like “As long as you’re happy and positive you’re okay!” but I know that may not be true. I’m confident that I’ll get over the trauma eventually; I had a traumatic event a few years ago and I’ve gotten over that very well through meditating, but I was an adult when it happened and it was significantly less damaging than the childhood stuff, so it was a lot easier to rationalize and forgive.

I’ve beaten depression, Tourette’s, anxiety, and 90% of OCD and become clean of all drugs in the past year because of all that I have learned therapy- and meditation-wise (th

Do any of you guys resort to "avoidance" to cope with situations that trigger your anxiety/panic? I've come to the realization that this is my primary coping skill and it's causing more damage than it's preventing. I'm a survivor of emotional/mental abuse and neglect. For my entire childhood and adolescence I found that the best way to avoid my parents' wrath was to "fly under the radar" as much as possible, hiding in my room or staying late at school, or driving away and living with friends once I was old enough. Eventually it turned into drugs and alcohol in my 20s. Anything not to feel so afraid all the time.

Without writing a novel, right now ALL of my trauma is being dredged up again full force. I live with my Father-in-law who makes me extremely anxious. On the whole he's a nice guy, but there's been some conflict recently that has brought my panic roaring back. So I hide just like I used to. We use a communal kitchen and I find myself literally frozen when I hear him down there; I scramble to make meals for my kids as fast as humanly possible and literally run back up the stairs. We eat upstairs now and I've even started ordering food to avoid him. He used to be at work most of the day, and I'd feel some relief, but now he's been off to start packing up the house to sell it. The moving/selling the house is what brought all this on. I was dragged from house-to-house as a kid, and I attended over 7 schools between kindergarten and 5th grade. So, upheaval of any kind makes me regress really badly.

I just want to curl up in bed and never come out, but I have two small children and now we're moving so I cant afford to do that. But the anxiety has escalated into panic. If I can't manage "flight" I "freeze" and my body literally locks up and I cant move. I hope someone can offer some advice. Thanks for reading.

Hi all, this is the longest game I've finished and would really love some feedback. It's a weird, surrealist/fantastical model of when I was in a bad way and coping poorly.

Here's a link: Chapel in the Hole

Thanks for reading/playing, hope you all are well.

I'm sure many of you are familiar with concept of avoidance coping but perhaps not the name of the term itself. In psychology, avoidance coping or escape coping is a maladaptive coping mechanism characterized by the effort to avoid dealing with a stressor.

I made a previous post about an assignment that wasn't difficult, confusing or out of reach but that I could not stay on task with.

I tried a lot of strategies to complete it but ultimately I was too late. I ran out of time. The prof will never accept it. Thankfully my academic standing is apparently less dire than I thought. The school is going to let me take classes this fall but I must raise my average.

The last 6 or 7 weeks of my life I haven't had much going on. I had my exams, and a long exam break allowing for a completely open timetable to complete my assignment. So, I've been in various settings free from distractions, drugged up, persistently avoidance coping for the last 6 or 7 weeks.

I only ever managed to get a few sentences out at a time before backsliding into avoidance coping.

Six or seven weeks of avoidance coping has left me feeling pretty terrible. Having the same small goal everyday all day for approximately 50 days and getting nowhere and ultimately failing to meet my goal (of finishing the assignment) has left me in a state of reflection.

Here are some of my thoughts.

ADHD meds (adderall in my case) don't help with avoidance coping. They help with focus but if I'm simply too overwhelmed and stressed I will not produce any results regardless of how drugged up I am or how good I feel.

I'm not sure I want to continue with my studies this fall. I'm pretty burnt out from sacrificing everything else in my life to do an assignment that's ultimately not going to be accepted and still not finished (but is actually nearly complete now). I could've worked a full time job or gone away on vacation or camping and now that school is starting again I feel too burnt out to continue. (edit: I sacrificed a lot of opportunities to do other things to work on my paper but I spent all the time avoidance coping. As i mentioned in my previous post, I actually handled everything else in my life that I had been previously procrastinating so that's a nice plus.)

If I could give my past self from July some advice I would say to just turn in what I had, even if I would only hav

It's very bad. Been 3 months since I did anything productive. And I'm 18 so I need to work towards a career.. .. I don't know how to stop avoiding things

Last year I was off sick for about 6 weeks with anxiety and depression. My workplace has been really supportive, giving me accomodations and being nice to me about the time off, etc. When I'm functional, I am good at my job, and I've had some surprising, positive feedback recently.

However, I'm still struggling. I'm probably off sick for a day or two once a month, and I was trying to stop that. I want to be doing better. But it's all got too much again.

I keep forcing myself to power through and try and appear as functional as possible. There was a day I worked from home and couldn't stop crying, so pretended not to see a message asking for a call. Another day I sneaked out of an event hours early, because I was panicking about doing group work and the fact I hadn't found my intended seat.

There are things I avoid doing and they catch up with me. Currently, I avoided asking for help with getting access back to my work account. This involves a phone call, and asking someone in work to speak on the call, too. Now I've been needing this account for a few days to access something. I could ask someone else to get the thing from the account but I'm too embarassed. It's like I'm scared of people noticing I'm not very functional. And with this thing, I've left things a while through avoidance, and I didn't even do annny work yesterday because I just slept and cried all day. I'm scared to go into work incase I can't cope and / or keep avoiding.

I'm considering going back to the doctor's to ask for time off. But I don't know if this will help me. I can't stop avoiding things and hiding. I don't know why I'm doing it entirely, but I can't stop it and it terrifies me how it keeps catching up with me.

I'm just scared. I guess I'm looking for advice / support.

I don't know if it's okay or time to just accept I need time off and that I'm not coping with stress and work (I have a lot of stress from family circumstances as well). I don't think I'd lose my job for this, but that does scare me. I also feel guilty for it, like I should be trying harder maybe or just manage. It feels bad to let them pay my sick leave (again). It doesn't feel right. But what can I do?

I want to get better, but it feels really helpless and impossible sometimes. I've been an adult for years and I'm still behaving like this.

I have a few tasks that to most people seem easy and stress-free. Every single time they come up, I find myself avoiding them and putting them down low on the priority list.

Instead of beating myself up again, I decided to ask myself why I do this. It took some digging but it seems that whenever I think a process to complete a task is obnoxious or that I know there’s a much more efficient way to do it, I almost protest the current process by not completing the task because “it’s ridiculous and I’d rather be having a appendectomy than do this thing”. Also, processes that have a lot of tiny steps that are in a procedure document that is hard to follow in outline form are very often avoided by me.

Another reason is because I hate being interrupted when I’m doing something. My brain works in such a way that I like things to flow consistently and non-stop from start to finish. If I get in my zone and something forces me out, I am agitated and hyper focus on the agitation. Then I get anxious that there will be another interruption. There goes my productivity and my mood-right down the tubes.

I’ve been doing this for my entire adult life in office jobs. I actually know now that office positions with email and admin tasks are the total opposite of what I am good at. Of course, my manager isn’t too keen on hearing that so I just apologize and get the tasks done. I know it’s a problem and I don’t have any real defense. I suck at some stuff. I’m great at others. Such is ADHD life.

So what do you all avoid at work (or really anywhere)?

Hi guys! I've been struggling with avoidance coping for a long time now. I always have a mental list of things to do and can be ambitious but I get overwhelmed when it comes to actually doing it. Then I just shut down, make excuses, and end up doing nothing at all. I've realized this has been really debilitating because it makes it hard for me to do even simple tasks. Then I beat myself up and it lowers my self esteem. I've decided to finally stop this cycle by writing down what I'm avoiding, why I'm avoiding it and why I should still do the task anyway. I want to post it on here so I can be kept accountable and maybe it'll inspire some of you.

Here goes: I really need to clean my room and organize the messy piles on my chair and desk and closet. I've been avoiding it because I have to make a bigger mess before rearranging things. I also have to make difficult decisions about what to throw out. I'm going to do it anyway because I can't get the results I want without putting in the effort. I know I will have a greater peace of mind when my environment is tidy.

I'll post an update once I've made some progress. Good luck!

At work I procrastinate by reading internet articles about psychology, self-help (Ha! The irony!), and news. Totally unrelated fields.

I disabled my facebook newsfeed at least, but I feel have a combination of internet addiction and avoidance. What has helped you break them?

Hi friends :) I'm 23 and I've been dealing w this shitty disease since I was 14 (but remember my first signs showing around 8 in my head) I have been in therapy before but right now really cant afford it without insurance the visits are insanely overpriced. I mostly suffer from pure O, daily intrusive thoughts same couple things over time I've gotten better at keeping them quieter and getting less anxious and obsessive but this week they have been constant intrusive thoughts about mass shootings since the synagogue shooting. I am a gay Jewish woman and the Pulse shooting left me feeling the same way. Because they were both places I could have been and been killed just for my identity, nothing I did, just who I am, it made me crazy paranoid and anxious. I have spent the past 5 days googling shootings getting depressed about humanity, crying about the evil people who exist, and then coming up with mental lists of how to stay safe and not be a headline.

I would normally ask my therapist but I really want to blacklist all sad news, shootings, politics, violent crimes, and avoid them but I dont know if that's kinda a compulsive behavior to avoid all these things. Anyone have some perspective to offer me? (not asking for professional help just perspective from others who have OCD)

TDLR; Is avoiding the news and blocking it to help my intrusive thoughts and obsessive reading about mass shootings (and making myself anxious and depressed bc I suck lol) or is kinda compulsive to blacklist everything?

I've read many different takes on how to deal with rumination caused by grief. It feels like there are two schools of thought, which leads to therapists giving me conflicting advice. I'm hoping that maybe I'm misunderstanding somewhere. These schools are:

When a painful memory of your ex a lost loved one surfaces – distract. Avoid. Disengage. "Stop it!" Thoughts are like a plant, the more you water and tend to them, the more they grow. The more you indulge them, the more prominent they will become. The desire to dwell on the past can be dealt with be simply ignoring the thoughts that try to ensnare you. This approach seems very CBT to me, but DBT therapists might combine this with radical acceptance. Rather than strictly ignoring the thoughts, they are mindfully acknowledged, met with acceptance (usually in the form of mantras), and gently let go.

Feelings don't just go away because you want them to. You can’t just take a feeling, put it on the shelf, and expect it to sit there. It will keep nagging at you and poking at you. Your brain is trying to tell you something: I’m hurting. So by using a coping strategy of avoidance, you are in effect trying to repress the painful feelings in a futile way. They will come back, probably in the worst possible moment, and it will hurt just as much. So, let yourself be sad. Embrace it. Welcome it. Feel the full weight of your emotions. Perhaps set a time limit so you don't go from healing a wound to just picking at it (easier said than done, though).

As you may have guessed, I'm going through some grieving now myself, and am at a loss for how to deal with the incredibly strong urge I have to ruminate when stuff triggers memories.

This is what I’ve been hearing from my new therapist (cognitive behavioral therapy).

I believe I am making very good progress with mindfulness, but I have a very long way to go still and I don’t feel ready yet to use only mindfulness techniques and nothing else. However, I keep being told that everything else I am doing to cope is unhealthy for me, and am being given no alternatives other than mindfulness, as that is “the only thing that is not avoidance, and avoidance is unhealthy”.

For reference, I do not drink, smoke, do any drugs, or participate in promiscuity, and I no longer self harm or act violent. Those are the things I typically think of as unhealthy. The non-mindfulness based coping skills that I’ve been using which my therapist says are unhealthy include using fidget items, watching uplifting movies, listening to music I like, spending time with animals, friends, etc. and I like to believe these methods have helped me as I feel that I’m in a very good place mentally for the past few months. I have 2 jobs, a relationship, a good social life, and have become a much more positive, less stressed person in my opinion. I hardly ever get any negative thoughts anymore. My therapist believes the reason I am doing so well and are getting less stressed is because I have been using the non-mindfulness mechanisms to avoid my stress, though I would disagree, because I am also using things like meditation and self reflection alongside the other methods and have worked through a large amount during the same time frame. I have only seen this therapist for 5 sessions so we don’t know each other extremely well yet, though I’d like to trust her and assume what she says is correct because she is a therapist and I am not, and I need to listen even if I don’t agree in order to get better. But I do want a second opinion on this particular question, since it seems a little skewed.

If this is true, are there any coping skills that are “less” avoidance than others, that I can use as an intermediate step until I’m ready to only use mindfulness? I want to be as mentally healthy as I can be and will stop using unhealthy coping if need be.

I suffer from anxiety, and the way I've always dealt with it is by avoiding things. It can mainly involves small things such as attending work and class (usually out of fear of being reprimanded for tardiness or incomplete assignments) but has eventually blown up into me being in danger of being kicked out of my program in uni or extending my college career even longer. I mean, I'm already going to be in school for 6 years. Another fuck up and it will be longer :(

When I'm in the mindset of being in complete fear, however irrational it may be over the smallest things, it is very very difficult for me to overcome it. Even now, I'm sitting in my apt, afraid to confront my boss for not showing up to work and not completing my time sheet for last week. I'm afraid of him getting mad at me, but I know that avoiding him will only make things worse. I hate that I always do this, and I'm always asking for forgiveness for my mistakes.

I always get caught in the cycle of avoidance, self-blame, and depression--which I'm also diagnosed with, in addition to ADHD.

I want to change. I want to be better because I know I have the potential to do so much more, but I am truly my own worst enemy. In addition to failing my duties, I isolate myself from my family and friends because I'm afraid of getting hurt somehow, but I feel so alone and sad.

Please, any advice would be helpful.

Hi,

Any skills for coping with job rejection? Would appreciate any advice or recommendation! Just received the rejection from the job I was eagerly looking forward to joining. It was the best match for me based on my educational background and interest. I really wanted to join that place!

A bit of background: I have lost confidence to apply at other places and am already facing extreme anxiety when I do job searches or prepare for interviews and do online courses. I am absolutely avoiding everything for the past 10 months and can't bring up myself to do job preparation or even check websites for job openings. My anxiety is very high and this was the only job I was looking forward to joining and had a positive interview experience. Now I'm completely bummed again. I am hopeless as I fear I have no choices left for myself because of my self-sabotaging behaviours related to job search. I am extremely fearful to even open my laptop and continue the online courses I had paid for in the past 8-10 months. I'm absolutely terrified to look for jobs again. I have left many tasks incomplete: discontinued online courses, stopped getting back at potential interviewers, stopped checking LinkedIn, dropped exercise regime, gave up on my diet, stopped socializing and now I can not even step outside my room. I feel there is no future for me.

I am badly struggling and I want to break this cycle.

My therapist will do DBT with me but we have not yet properly started and still going very slow. I am helpless and I can't spend more weeks or months staying in this helpless state.

Any skill that will help me at least pick up my pace again after long 10-month break? Please help me. I feel mentally stuck for the past 10 months and have lost many opportunities and discontinued my progress and tasks to this neverending anxiety.

Any therapist on board that can share some knowledge or advice???

I'm just now realizing what a toll my avoidance coping mechanisms are having on my life. I feel like I haven't accomplished so many of the things that I could have if I didn't avoid or put off projects and tasks that feel overwhelming. I have big passions and goals, but I find it really difficult to put in the daily work due to my anxiety around feeling incompetent and my innate avoidance of intense, uncomfortable situations (Enneagram 9 here, for those who know/care). I certainly know how to work hard, but often this is experienced as a "mad dash" toward the end to meet a deadline. I usually always get it done, but I just getting it done is not enough for me anymore as I want to build my career in a competitive field (visual arts) and overcome these self-sabotaging habits.

FYI am currently seeing a CBT therapist for depression/anxiety, but I just started. I'm looking for all your most PRACTICAL and ACTIONABLE tips that I can implement right away, or just some general motivation from others who also deal with avoidance coping. I want to overcome it but obviously just saying "stop avoiding" it is extremely unhelpful because I tell myself that 100x a day haha. Thanks all!