Asynclitic birth Puns

Well, I’m finally on the other side! My original day for 40w was 10/24. Being my 3rd, I was certain I would go earlier like I had with my 2 daughters (39+6 & 39+5). Nope, dude has his own plans and came at 41+2.

Little back story, I had changed from my original OB that I had my 2 daughters with , to what I thought was going to be my rock solid respectful midwife team( I noticed red flags and GTFO ASAP), and finally switched to a home birth midwife around 25 w. Home birth was never in my mind or cards. My last 2 were traumatic and subpar hospital births w awful care providers. I dove deep and felt home birth was really actually something we could do. It ended up being a very empowering, and redemptive birth for me and our family. This isn’t a debate about home vs hospital, just sharing where we stood with it.

My care team consisted of a midwife, a midwife assistant, and a doula. I had hired my doula early on in my pregnancy to be my fighter for when we went to the hospital. I was unsure if switching to a home birth made it pointless to have a doula, but she was amazing. My midwife is very hands off and let’s mom lead the birth. She makes everything V normal and I love that about her.

Labor kick off. Went trick or treating with my 2.5 year old, while my 10 year old went with her friend. We got home, got the kids to bed, I layed down at 10pm. I wake up at 1145pm to light cramps and a weird “slam” into my pelvis. I try to reposition, eat a banana, walk around, take a pee(had bloody show), but the cramping kept coming. After about 15 min, they were non stop, 4 ish min apart. I woke my husband and told him I think I’m in labor and I’m going to shower and see how I feel. Said he should rest. Jokes on me, I called the midwife after the brief shower to let her know, and after realizing I couldn’t talk though them and they were so close, she said she was on her way(she lives about 45 min away). I was kind of in shock. This was an hour after I woke up w a cramp or 2. Now all of a sudden I can’t make it upstairs lol compared to my last 2 labors, it felt like just skipped early labor, which is a mind f. As I’m waiting for the midwife and doula, I’m in my living room on hands and knees bent over the side of the couch managing the waves. I didn’t actually use a timer but they were still V close, 3-5 min apart and moderately intense. I used my hypnobabies breathing technique to manage at this point. My 10 year old daughter and husband were by my side, givin

Hiya, mama! I write to you from the other side - I'm 2 months PP with the most wonderful, perfect little boy I could possibly imagine. I was a long time lurker on this page, and got so much camaraderie and support here while I was going through pregnancy.

I didn't expect to ever pop up to say any of this, but then, I didn't expect my birth story to go the way it did.

Here's the long and short of it, for people who don't care to read: You can't control everything. I know that sounds really common sense-y, but for whatever reason, I personally forgot that as I anticipated birth. I wasn't one of those people who had a detailed birth plan, and I was aware that things might change from what I thought beforehand to what I needed during. All I knew is that I wanted to really reduce interventions - in part because that's what I felt was right for me and baby, and perhaps moreover because, if I'm honest, doctors and medicine completely terrify the crap out of me. (To moms who choose various other paths - mad respect. You know you, and you will make the right choices for you!)

In the end, I wish I had prepared for the fact that you can't control what actually happens during labor. My little guy decided to make his arrival in an impossible presentation. No matter what I did or what I felt like I could endure, vaginal delivery wasn't possible. For whatever reason, I never considered the possibility that those interventions would be beyond my control - a matter of necessity and not choice.

So, if you read no further, and you're still expecting, I guess my takeaway is this: have some small part of your brain prepared to accept the reality that this isn't in your control. That the things you aren't planning on are still possibilities, no matter how much you don't want them. I had the opposite of what I wanted my birth to be, and it wasn't for lack of willpower or trying!

And, if you're curious about the actual birth story:

At 38.5 weeks (after a pretty normal pregnant apart from a full 38.5 weeks of morning sickness and puking), I went in for a normal, routine appointment on a Thursday. My blood pressure was borderline high - 143 / 79. It had been inching up in tiny amounts over the past two weeks, and my midwife was concerned that the trend would continue. She ordered all the labs to check for signs of pre-E (luckily there were none) and, when I reported that I'd been feeling pretty regular contractions, ordered a non-stress test. All was well with

Posting in honor of my due date!

I got up to use the bathroom at 1:40am on the morning of 38+5 and felt a big gush of fluid. I called the midwife on call, who told me I could stay home for up to 12 hrs and see if contractions started. They ended up starting basically right after I got off the phone, around 2am, but were pretty mild and spaced far apart, so my husband and I stayed in bed. He fell back asleep and I drifted in and out for the next few hours.

Around 6am I was awake and contractions were getting more intense, so I woke up my husband. I'm really glad we had taken a pretty intensive childbirth class; he was calm and supportive and we labored at home for the next 4ish hours. We got in the shower for a while, used the birthing ball, and for a lot of it it just felt good to lean over the bed while he pressed on my lower back. I tried to eat a little, but ended up vomiting whenever I tried, and my appetite was pretty much gone so I gave up on that. By around 10am, my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and lasting for about a minute, so we decided to head to the hospital. I was surprised by how rapidly I got to that point; I'd been mentally prepared to be at home for a long early labor since this was my first birth.

The drive to the hospital took about 20 minutes, and I used a TENS unit on my back to help with contractions while I couldn't move around. We got into triage and I was already at 6 cm, which I was pumped about- my goal had been to get to the hospital around 6 cm. Our doula came and met us in triage and stayed with me while my husband went to park the car and grab our bags. We got up to a delivery room pretty quickly, and things got really intense. I'd been tentatively planning to try an unmedicated birth, but was going to see how things went once I got more into active labor. The physical intensity of the contractions was pretty unreal- it's hard to put into words how it felt getting from 6 to 10 cm. I am so grateful for the care team I had during labor at the hospital- for most of the time it was me, my husband, our doula, the midwife, and the nurse in the room. Everyone was super supportive, really gentle with me, had great ideas on how to position and get through labor. The lights were dim, the room was quiet. I labored for a while in the bed, then got in the shower and knelt over the birthing ball while my husband sprayed water on my back. I was no longer really able to interact with anyone; I felt very in my own space gettin

TLDR: labored for about 22 hours, another 2 hours spent pushing, baby girl turned herself face up and tilted her head wrong to get stuck behind my pubic bone. Probably fairly standard but I was a bit traumatized by the experience. Baby girl born on October 8 at 40+1. Some tips at the end too.

Checked in the evening of October 7 for my induction. Started with cytotec vaginally around 10:15pm. My cervix was so high they couldn’t reach but assumed closed.

At 2:30a on October 8 I got the second round of cytotec. Cervix was lower but definitively closed and, at most, 40-50% effaced. The nurses also had some concern about my pelvic bone being small and tight, which worried me a lot. My mother had this problem and I was a csection, and my brother should have been one because he resulted in such major tearing she had to be put under general anesthesia to repair it.

Contractions ramped up from here. A LOT. My husband and I discussed my concerns with the doctor about the family history and the nurses concern about me. We decided to have her examine me and we’d go from there. I say we but really it was more my husband making that decision because I was just having anxiety about birth as a whole so I decided I’d trust his judgement. (He has a lot of guilt about this now which kills me, he shouldn’t!)

Turns out I was 4cm dilated just off of that second cytotec dose, and she said my pelvis did feel small but there are ways to open it up. We decided to proceed with the attempt at vaginal.

I get the epidural and it mostly works, but then a hot spot develops. They skipped pitocin at first but I only dilated another cm (to 5) without it, so they decided to give me pitocin. They also decide they would like to break my water and see how I do. Not long after, I feel a massive thud in my stomach and we hear it over the Doppler, and I’m gushing. My water broke on it’s own. Side note: nobody tells you just how fucking disgusting that feels. YUCK.

And this begins the problems because that hot spot ruined me.

They try having me lay on my right to let the epidural flow. Multiple boluses given over the hours, I hit the magic button, but nothing works. Baby starts to hate my right side so I’m flipped to my left and then in excruciating pain with each contraction but only in ONE spot.

One time they do this and then suddenly nurses flood the room and force me to my hands and knees with no explanation. I’m crying and shaking in terror because even though they didn’t say, I

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

My birth experience was definitely not what I expected but I had a really positive experience overall. All of the nurses and my doula were incredible supports and I am so happy with the hospital I chose for delivery.

At 39+5 OB appointment, I was 1cm dilated and about 50% effaced. We did a membrane sweep which seemed to loosen my mucus plug which came out over the next couple of days. I was having super mild period-like cramps but they were extremely infrequent. On the morning of 40+2, I woke up with pretty strong back pain concentrated on the right side. I wondered if it was back labour but the pain was constant. I was also getting mild waves of cramps in the front of my stomach but I didn’t notice them much because the back pain was more prominent. I dealt with the pain for a few hours— I had a bath and my husband massaged it, which was helpful, but didn’t lessen the pain. I called my OB office and the nurse I spoke to thought it could be labour because sometimes back labour can feel like constant pain. They recommended that I go into L&D to get evaluated. My husband and I didn’t want to rush in and be at the hospital too early so we spent a few hours finishing some things around the house before leaving.

We arrived at the hospital around 2pm. I was put into a triage room and they started to run some tests. L&D didn’t think it was labour when I described what was going on but they were worried it could be a kidney infection. Luckily the tests came back with no sign of infection, but I did have protein in my urine and elevated blood pressure (I had been monitoring at home and had noticed the blood pressure creeping up over the previous week or so). They officially diagnosed mild preeclampsia and admitted me to be induced right away. I was having mild contractions, but I wasn’t really in labour yet. A cervical check at this stage showed I was still around 1cm dilated and 50% effaced.

They moved me to a L&D room and by 6:30pm, they gave me my first dose of cytotec. Because it was now an induction, I was required to have continuous fetal monitoring. They were able to give me a portable one so I could still move around with it, and I was allowed in the tub with it, but it was finicky and had to be adjusted frequently. It felt like every time I changed positions, the nurse would come running in to get the monitor set again. The back pain was still unexplained— their best guess a muscle knot but it didn’t really feel like that to me. We tried

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Why

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

Well, I’m finally on the other side! My original day for 40w was 10/24. Being my 3rd, I was certain I would go earlier like I had with my 2 daughters (39+6 & 39+5). Nope, dude has his own plans and came at 41+2.

Little back story, I had changed from my original OB that I had my 2 daughters with , to what I thought was going to be my rock solid respectful midwife team( I noticed red flags and GTFO ASAP), and finally switched to a home birth midwife around 25 w. Home birth was never in my mind or cards. My last 2 were traumatic and subpar hospital births w awful care providers. I dove deep and felt home birth was really actually something we could do. It ended up being a very empowering, and redemptive birth for me and our family. This isn’t a debate about home vs hospital, just sharing where we stood with it.

My care team consisted of a midwife, a midwife assistant, and a doula. I had hired my doula early on in my pregnancy to be my fighter for when we went to the hospital. I was unsure if switching to a home birth made it pointless to have a doula, but she was amazing. My midwife is very hands off and let’s mom lead the birth. She makes everything V normal and I love that about her.

Labor kick off. Went trick or treating with my 2.5 year old, while my 10 year old went with her friend. We got home, got the kids to bed, I layed down at 10pm. I wake up at 1145pm to light cramps and a weird “slam” into my pelvis. I try to reposition, eat a banana, walk around, take a pee(had bloody show), but the cramping kept coming. After about 15 min, they were non stop, 4 ish min apart. I woke my husband and told him I think I’m in labor and I’m going to shower and see how I feel. Said he should rest. Jokes on me, I called the midwife after the brief shower to let her know, and after realizing I couldn’t talk though them and they were so close, she said she was on her way(she lives about 45 min away). I was kind of in shock. This was an hour after I woke up w a cramp or 2. Now all of a sudden I can’t make it upstairs lol compared to my last 2 labors, it felt like just skipped early labor, which is a mind f. As I’m waiting for the midwife and doula, I’m in my living room on hands and knees bent over the side of the couch managing the waves. I didn’t actually use a timer but they were still V close, 3-5 min apart and moderately intense. I used my hypnobabies breathing technique to manage at this point. My 10 year old daughter and husband were by my side, givin

When I got home, they were still there.