To everyone freezing their asses off in Texas
Go stand in the corner, itβs 90 degrees.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
I have a joke about fat people with big asses.
Butt weight....That's not fanny.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
What a bunch of asses
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︎ Sep 04 2020
A group of women were surveyed on their asses
30 percent said their ass was too small
10 percent said their ass was too big
And 60 percent said he was just right
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︎ Jun 05 2019
Big bosses often get their asses kissed by their minions. What should they do if they don't want their minions to be like that?
The boss should just turn the other cheek.
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︎ Aug 25 2018
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 26 2008
One long ass pun
There was this scientist that discovered a way to keep porpoises alive forever. Problem was that he had to feed them baby sea gulls Well the sea gull was a protect species so he had to be careful. Well one night he was bringing some back to the lab. It was very dark and he ran over a lion that was sleeping in the middle of the road A cop sees all this and you know what he arrested him for ? Carrying underaged gurls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises
This is not original. I read it in a book of puns 40 years ago. I do not know which one I would like to give it credit but it was 40 years ago
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︎ Aug 12 2019
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︎ Aug 10 2017
My dad literally just said this to me.
Dad: Whatcha reading?
Me: Just Reddit
Dad: Well if you already read it why are you reading it again?! (Nudges me) Get it?? Hahahaha
Me: (rolls eyes) Ha.Ha.
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︎ May 27 2021
You can never "run" through a camp ground.
You can only "ran" because it's past tents.
(Sorry if this has been posted before. I just joined this sub)
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π
︎ May 19 2021
If you slap Dwayne Johnsons butt
You officially hit rock bottom
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π
︎ May 14 2021
It is
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
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π
︎ May 07 2021
What has two butts and kills people?
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 13 2021
If someone is burnt and needs a skin graft, can I donate the skin tissue on my butt?
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π
︎ May 25 2021
π΄
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses.
His condition has been described as stable.
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π
︎ Jun 01 2021
This had me dying
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π
︎ Mar 10 2021
What did the cannibal wife give her cannibal husband when he arrived home late?
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︎ Jun 03 2021
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin
.
Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny
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︎ Feb 21 2021
Why canβt a nose be 12 inches?
Cuz then it would be a foot
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π
︎ Mar 18 2021
What do they call eating ass in Hawaii?
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Get your ass to Kansas.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
My friend got burned on his face and needed a skin graft, so I gave him from skin tissue from my butt.
A cheek for a cheek as I always say!
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︎ May 26 2021
Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesnβt just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon.
reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Serious question....
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︎ Mar 23 2021
What do you call an ox with a huge ass ?
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π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Why don't people who eat ass make good taste testers?
Their tongues have been TAINTed!
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︎ Feb 06 2021
A mule is just a half-assed horse
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
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︎ May 30 2021
My wife regularly confuses the words Burro, and Burrow.
She doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.
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︎ Apr 10 2021
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
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︎ Feb 05 2021
You know what the French say
A baguette in the butt would be a pain in the ass
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︎ May 19 2021
I tried to rearrange my Tired Ass.
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︎ Feb 12 2021
My bidet is broken
Itβs become a real pain in the ass
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︎ Jun 02 2021
does anyone know if a doctor can take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Look at this lion ass
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Whatβs a more concrete term for butt crack?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Went for a colonoscopy today
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︎ May 29 2021
get your ass kicked
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jan 25 2020
Is it just me or does Wisconsin always smell like ass?
I assume its because of all the dairy air.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
At least he got laid before he died
π︎ 4k
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︎ Sep 29 2020
When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off
they said I have a great sense of tumour
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︎ Nov 23 2020
Whatβs brown and sticky
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I ripped my pants yesterday.
It was pretty em-bare-ass-ing.
Edit: May or may not be based on real events.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
What has two butts and kills people?
π︎ 9
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︎ May 28 2021
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