Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Leckzsluthor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies ๐Ÿ˜‚

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vegetable-Acadia
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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What is a a bisexual person doing when theyโ€™re not dating anybody?

Theyโ€™re on standbi

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Toby-the-Cactus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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Geddit? No? Only me?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shampy311
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PsychedeIic_Sheep
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Paulie_Felice
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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E or รŸ?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Amazekam
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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No spoilers
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Onfour
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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Covid problems
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/theincrediblebou
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lance986
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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Spi__
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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What did 0 say to 8 ?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/designjeevan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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I had a vasectomy because I didnโ€™t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/demotrek
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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I dislike karma whores who make posts that imply it's their cake day, simply for upvotes.

I won't be doing that today!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/djcarves
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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The Ancient Romans II
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mordrathe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan?

You take away their little brooms

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Majorpain2006
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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School Was Clothed
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kennydoe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sk2ec
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheTreelo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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Couch potato
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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Baka!
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ridi86
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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NBA player names in Latvian media, language and life

Latvian is a very peculiar language. We can't declense words without certain qualities/rules in the word itself, so we have to ''Latvianise'' foreign names to make them make sense in our language. Here's all of NBA players! It took some time, but it's coronoffseason, so it's ok!

You can google all at least kinda relevant NBA player latvian versions and you will get results. Latvian journalists took care of the proof.

Thanks to the polish guy from whom I drew inspirtation!

Edit: Here are some latvian kids saying some!

Atlantas ''Hawks'' (Atlanta Hawks)

  • Trฤ“ Jangs (Trae Young)

  • Dลผefs Tฤซgs (Jeff Teague)

  • Brendons Gudvins (Brandon Goodwin)

  • Kevins Herters (Kevin Huerter) โ€‹

  • Treivons Greiems (Treveon Graham)

  • Deandrฤ“ Hanters (De'Andre Hunter)

  • Deandrฤ“ Bembrijs (DeAndre' Bembry)

  • Kems Rediลกs (Cam Reddish)

  • ฤŒฤrlijs Brauns (Charlie Brown)

  • Dลพons Kolinss (John Collins)

  • Vinss Kฤrters (Vince Carter)

  • Klints Kapela (Clint Capela)

  • Deveins Dedmons (Dewayne Dedmon)

  • Skals Labisijฤ“ (Skal Labissiere)

  • Bruno Fernando (Bruno Fernando)

  • Deimians Dลพounss (Damian Jones)

Bostonas ''Celtics'' (Boston Celtics)

  • Kemba Vokers (Kemba Walker)

  • Markuss Smฤrts (Marcus Smart)

  • Breds Vanameikers (Brad Wanamaker)

  • Treimonts Voters (Tremont Waters)

  • Karsens Edvardss (Carsen Edwards)

  • Romeo Lengfords (Romeo Langford)

  • Dลพeilens Brauns (Jaylen Brown)

  • Dลพavonte Grฤซns (Javonte Green)

  • Dลพeisons Teitums (Jason Tatum)

  • Roberts Viljamss Treลกais (Robert Williams III)

  • Gordons Heivards (Gordon Hayward)

  • Grants Viljamss (Grant Williams)

  • Semi Odลพeleje (Semi Ojeleye)

  • Daniels Teiss (Daniel Theis)

  • Eness Kanters (Enes Kanter)

  • Roberts Viljamss (Robert Williams)

  • Tako Fols (Tacko Fall)

  • Vinsents Porijฤ“ (Vincent Poirier)

Bruklinas ''Nets'' (Brooklyn Nets)

  • Kairijs ฤ’rvings (Kyrie Irving)

  • Spensers Dinvidijs (Spencer Dinwiddie)

  • Gerets Templs (Garrett Temple)

  • Kriss ฤŒioza (Chris Chiozza)

  • Dลพeremaija Martins (Jeremiah Martin)

  • Teo Pinsons (Theo Pinson)

  • Kariss Leverts (Caris LeVert)

  • Dลพo Heriss (Joe Harris)

  • Toreans Prinss (Taurean Prince)

  • Dลพanans Musa (Dzanan Musa)

  • Timotฤ“ Luvavu Kabaro (Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot)

  • Rodions Kurucs (Rodions Kurucs) LAT

  • Vilsons ฤŒendlers (Wilson Chandler)

  • Nikolass Klekstons (Nicolas Claxton)

  • Kevins Durents (Kevin Durant)

  • Dลพarets Alens (Jarrett Allen)

  • Deandrฤ“ Dลพordans (DeAndre Jordan)

ล arlotes ''Hornets'' (

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PurPurs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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concrete ๐Ÿ—ฟ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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My name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Itโ€™s pronounced โ€œNoel.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/beef_fried_rice
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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Why are people so surprised and angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxxer?

After all his first name is No-vac

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hangryman23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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Thatโ€™s Michelle
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FLEXSEALBREAKER
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

  • Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

  • French/Finnish art

  • Country/Canadian rap

  • Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

  • Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hootanahalf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DonStimpo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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@u/mordrathe - remix
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SpydrRydr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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is Isn't
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mordrathe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?

Bob

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/4fuchssake
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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I named my dog "5 miles."

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! ๐Ÿ˜€ Thank you for the awards.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/javacafe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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My WIFI password is 2444666668888888

Just to clarify, 12345678

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/az1m_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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Possibly the greatest Snap Reaction dad joke I've ever told (it even got me a POWERFUL groan and vehement FU from my wife)

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AKhakiNerfHerder
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ENJOYblet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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Guns
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PlayYo-KaiWatch21
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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The two genders
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShrimpRex
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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If โ€œwombโ€ is pronounced โ€œwoomโ€ and โ€œtombโ€ is pronounced โ€œtoomโ€ then shouldnโ€™t โ€œbombโ€ be pronouncedโ€ฆ

โ€œBOOMโ€?!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FourBloodMoons
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 24 2021
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A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!" He replied, "I don't know."

"That's what they're fighting about."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/808gecko808
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?

Because his Visa didnโ€™t work.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tttestm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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I like my coffee how I like my slaves

free

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zRepulse
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 17 2021
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Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii?

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/husapida
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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I couldnโ€™t rush more than this to post it!
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/suaveguile14
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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It seems that she has got a bounty on her head
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ikerramos11
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
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What's the opposite of a croissant?

A happy Uncle.....

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ElderHallow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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Happy moo year! !
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/charliejbates
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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I asked my daughter, "If thereโ€™s a bee in my hand, whatโ€™s in my eye?" Rolling her eyes, she said, "I give up. What?"

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/808gecko808
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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My sonโ€™s fourth birthday was today, but when he came to see me I didnโ€™t recognize him at first.

Iโ€™d never seen him be 4.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ZeroDoubleJump
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2022
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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hackerboi1198
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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This just in from my daughter: What do you live in if you live in Antarctica?

Ice-olation.

She's only eleven and says she came up with that by herself. I'm so proud ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jaebassist
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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