15 Hilarious Ages and Ages Puns

If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...

Arthrites.

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👤︎ u/elliptical_orbit

📅︎ Dec 24 2020

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What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?

The Sausages.

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👤︎ u/kiltebeest

📅︎ Oct 24 2020

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Someone told me that getting older is like making a soup and continually adding more spices in as you age.

I guess that explains why all these old folks are so salty.

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👤︎ u/MunchOnDat

📅︎ May 21 2020

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Why were people in the middle ages so medival and when did people advance from being mid-evil to advanced-evil?

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👤︎ u/tflightz

📅︎ Mar 26 2020

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Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

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👤︎ u/dontcryformegiratina

📅︎ Sep 04 2019

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When single women get to the age of 50, they tend to acquire lots of cats and dogs.

This phenomenon is known as many paws.

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👤︎ u/Anthonybrose

📅︎ Feb 04 2020

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My dad just told me, “When I was your age and saw a girl, I first looked at her hair, then her eyes, then her neck...”

Damn dial up connections!

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Dec 28 2018

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I was waiting ages for my book on herb based erotica to arrive and it finally came today. It’s about f***ing thyme.

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👤︎ u/Crippsyuk

📅︎ Aug 14 2019

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I could never appreciate children between the ages of 13 and 19. Then, I added macro-nutrients made of amino acids to my diet. Now, I am pro-teen!

A dad joke original from my dad!!!

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👤︎ u/Sloth-for-knowledge

📅︎ Sep 02 2019

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Trying to find motivation and engage with research of what motivated people in the post-Bronze Age to engage in building double-storey dwellings...

Irony on two many levels.

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👤︎ u/drozzi007

📅︎ Aug 01 2019

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Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:

"......gneiss guys finish last."

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👤︎ u/SoDakZak

📅︎ Jul 05 2017

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I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...

...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.

I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.

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👤︎ u/Batshit_Betty

📅︎ Jun 18 2018

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My 10yo cousin made herself a birthday card with her age on it, using glue and glitter. I told her there was no way I'm having that nonsense in my house.

I'm glue-ten intolerant.

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👤︎ u/katubug

📅︎ Dec 11 2017

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What do an information age bank and a Texan hazelnut lover have in common?

Net-teller'.

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👤︎ u/Arathnorn

📅︎ Nov 04 2014

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My dad and I were talking about the age of pregnancies between different generations..I wasn't expecting this one.

Dad: Do you know how old your grandmother was when she had me?

Me: 16 right?

Dad: She had your aunt at 16, had a miscarriage and then gave birth to me at 17. You could say that she was a..(small pause).. busy beaver.

Ensue lengthy, full hearted laugh from him. Eye roll from me.

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👤︎ u/concrete_playground

📅︎ May 21 2014

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