Due to complaints, Hawaii passed a law where you're not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel
You can only use a low ha
π︎ 338
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
Doctor leaning over a patient who is slowly falling asleep due to anesthetic
-
No worries Steve, this will work out just fine. Itβs an easy procedure.
-
But doctor, Iβm not Steve!!
-
I know, I am Steve.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
Correct me if Iβm wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?
You know, Salsa Distancing.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Doctor said Iβm at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
π︎ 68
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Due to all the COVID restrictions this year, a maximum of only 6 of the 7 dwarves could meet up
None of them were Happy :-(
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
This is the first year I'm not taking a vacation to Hawaii due to Covid.
Normally I don't go because I can't afford it.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
What do you call a young adult who canβt leave her house due to a pandemic?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
A Chinese kid was born before the due date
Parents named him βSudden Leeβ
π︎ 52
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Sadly due to a neurological condition, I have a permanent hand tremor..
Good side is that when I do a handshake, I do it literally.
(Condition is inoperable brain tumour)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I have a friend who owns a yachting business, but had to work from home due to the pandemic...
Now his sails are through the roof.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
Due to the Coronavirus, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
After getting a lot of negative reviews due to their rather poor string section, the LAPD Police Band decided to lose all the strings from their performances.
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
Due to the state of the pandemic I decided to move to my house boat for a while
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
I used to work in a restaurant abnd my specialty was to make the icecreams and cakes, due to my busy schedule I had to quit...
Nonetheless they all call me a deserter
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 16 2020
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, heβs a web designer
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
Due to COVID-19 a grocery store started paying its employees in vegetables
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
What did Julius Ceasar say when he experienced a stabbing pain due to his allergies?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
I've just had a huge argument with my wife due to being stuck with her in lockdown at home...
Thankfully, it's just an isolated incident.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
I saw a lift with a sign attached that said "due to an error, this lift can't go down"
My first thought was, "well, that's uplifting"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 03 2020
Due to a liver problem, I was advised to give up alcohol.
So I now identify as M, I gave up the ale
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 30 2020
Due to a spinal injury at work, my Dad had to get a neck brace.
At least now he always looks forward to see me.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 25 2019
I never park my car in the shade due to a little known medical condition.
π︎ 148
π
︎ Jun 03 2018
A dad died due to us not being able to remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting that we βbe positiveβ, but itβs hard without him.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jun 30 2019
I'm saddened to announce that due a recent warehose fire, I'm going to have to scrap my plans for a road side advertisement museum.
I really should have seen it coming. All the signs were there.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 04 2019
My dad had to have surgery on his leg due to a venomous snake bite.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 07 2019
So, I went to my doctor today due to a constant headache. He told me I should drink more scrumpy to numb it and I asked "Wouldn't that just make me drunk?"
He told me "Oh, that's just a cider-effect".
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 24 2019
Got the day off from my job at the raisin factory due to a power outage
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 22 2018
A girl took her past due bill and set it on fire. What's her name?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 18 2018
I had to quit my job as a bus driver due to paranoia
Everyone was talking behind my back
π︎ 107
π
︎ Jun 27 2017
Earlier today a men was admitted to hospital due to 8 plastic horses in his stomach
His condition is now stable
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 07 2018
I applied to be a door man but didn't get the job due to lack of experience.
Which surprised me, I thought it was an entry level position.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jun 05 2017
What is the name for the condition of being a male born past his due date?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 01 2017
On my way back from Thanksgiving holiday, the flight had to make a slightly hard landing due to the crosswind. Then the flight attendant announces: " Sorry for the slightly bumpy landing. It wasn't the Captain's fault, most definitely not the my fault...
It was the Asphalt."
The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)
π︎ 36
π
︎ Nov 28 2017
A parish priest was next in line to be made bishop. However, dues to the longevity of his superiors, it was over a decade before he was appointed.
Just another case of long time, no see.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 01 2018
My wife is due with our first baby any time now and she made a poll to have the family guess when she would go into labor. Hilarity ensued.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Aug 31 2017
I broke out with a rash due to an adverse reaction to something.
While listing the things I ate and touched that morning to the doctor I mentioned I had a piece of a pineapple upside-down cake; my dad who was in the room with me chuckled and said to the doctor "he always had problems with upside-down cakes, but not right-side up ones. Rest of the day he kept telling people that's the reason I had an allergic reaction.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 21 2018
The project management office tried to open a pharmacy but went out of business due to poor sales of mouthwash.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 16 2018
Due to noise complaints, they passed a law in Hawaii that youβre no longer allowed to laugh above a certain decibel...
Now you can only use a low ha
π︎ 89
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
Did you know in the 1950βs Hawaii passed a law that people were not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel due to too many noise complaints?
Now you can only do a-low-ha
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 19 2021
Due to the lockdown, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff in my town.
Itβs a mid-wife crisis.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
A Chinese child was born before his due date...
His parents named him "Sudden Lee"
π︎ 76
π
︎ Jun 26 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
