A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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What is the difference between and snow man and a snow woman?

Snowballs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cycloneozgirl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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What’s the difference between a mud man and a mud woman?

Mud flaps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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A man and a woman were on their first date.

A man and a woman were on their first date.

β€œSo, I hear you hunt deer,” the woman said.

The man looked away and turned red.

β€œWhat’s wrong?” asked the woman.

The man bashfully replied, β€œI’m not used to someone calling me β€˜dear’ on the first date.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johaen8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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A man and a woman are sitting eating breakfast one day

And the wife says "if I died would you get remarried?" The man says " no don't ask that it's absurd". The wife asks for the next few days until she asks once more and he says "yes." The wife then says "would you sell the house?" The man says "no" she says "would you sell our bed?" The man replies " no no it's our bed" the wife says "would you give her my golf clubs? The man replies "no she's left handed"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EfficientStudent6
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do by raising one leg?

Shake hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadeToDisagree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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What is the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snowballs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cogust
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, β€œDo you mind if I say a word?”.

β€œNo, go right ahead.” the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says β€œplethora”, and sits back down.

β€œThanks”, the woman says, β€œthat means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 734
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yuyevin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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A woman and a man were talking when suddenly a bird appeared from the sky
  • Would you like to donate to my charity. Said the bird when landing on a tree above their heads

  • What is it called? asked the man.

The bird looked them straight in the eyes and cawed four times.

The man and woman were very confused until the bird said.

  • It's four good caws.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsakSolarInte
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Two elderly women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. One woman has a stroke.

The other couldn’t reach.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children, can the children be considered ice cubes?
πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/godtamer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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A man just tried to sell me Supergirl, Lara Croft and Wonder Woman.

I think he might be a heroine dealer!!..

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDemeisen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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A man and a woman are on a date.........

Man: What is your job?

Woman: I’m a doctor

Man: Guess I won’t be needing this *picks up apple and throws it across room*

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinmaythefurry2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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a blind man walks into a takeaway and asks the woman behind the counter "can i have a pepperoni pizza please"

the woman states "sir this is a library"

the blind man replies "oh sorry, ^(can i have a pepperoni pizza please) "

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pepsiofdeath
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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If a man and woman need a marriage licence, what do two women need?

A liquor licence

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrysanthemum_tea
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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A man meets a woman at a bar and invites her back to his place...

...She says "I'm on my menstrual cycle".

He replies "Perfect! You can follow me on my mountain bike".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theotherealtor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snow-balls

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13434O
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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How big is the difference between a man and a woman?

There's a vas deferens

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2016
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What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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A woman is sitting at her husband's funeral. A man leans in and asks,

"Mind if I say a word?"

"No, go right ahead," the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says, "Plethora", and sits back down.

"Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 519
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegoatryder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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At a funeral a man sits Behind the woman who’s husband just died. The man leans forward and asks, β€œdo u mind if I say a word?” she responds, β€œNot at all, please do.” the man stands up and says β€œplethora” and sits back down.

β€œThanks,” said the woman, β€œthat means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turboboob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snowballs

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uthman11
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snowballs

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daladyaphrodite
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman

Snowballs

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/surgeu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a woman and a man?

wo

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/not_a_theorist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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