FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
I took out my contact lenses at midnight.
Every dad going to bed after midnight:
Come on, honey. We haven't done it all year!
After midnight, hindsight really will be
Don't kiss after midnight, folks
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
What Happens If You Are Sitting on the Toilet at 11:59 and the Clock Strikes Midnight?
Same shit, different day.
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...
First I was afraid, I was petrified.
At midnight it will officially be Ramones time.
I have a joke about midnight.
But it’s probably too dark.
Her Dad: I want her home before midnight.
Me: But you already own her home.
Let the comments complete this story lol.
Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube are shutting down tonight at Midnight PMT due to COVID-19 pandemic
A very proactive step to reduce the likelihood of anything else going viral.
If I get a message on my phone after midnight I always assume it's about disposable gloves
because it's a late-text (latex)
Let's give it up for the folks fornicating at midnight
It's a great way to start the decade off with a bang.
Why will my dad take his glasses off as soon as the clock strikes midnight this New Year?
So he can say he now has 2020 vision.
It’s Fathers Day in Finland! Does that mean I get to make unlimited dadjokes until midnight?
...when it’s officially Finnished?
Why don't you feed Russians after midnight?
There was a drug dealer who had conditioned his men such that whenever the clock struck 12 at midnight, they would come to him for their daily stash.
And he was known as Pavlov Escobar.
What did the farmer say to the cow that refused to go to sleep at midnight?
Why couldn't the motorcycle stay up until midnight?
Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
Why is midnight a cop's favorite time on the clock?
Because both hands are up.
Did you hear the story about the guy getting mugged behind the bowling alley at midnight?
Why did the clock think it was midnight?
The police said “hands up”
I had a scary dream where a horse was chasing me at midnight.
My son told me this morning that he forgot to get me up at midnight....
I asked "Why?"
He replied: "because, I was supposed to ♫ wake you up, when september ends ♫"
What does a cowboy say during midnight?
Got the wife while going to bed after midnight...
She was in bed before me and I yanked the covers off her when I got in bed. She threatened to cut me off for a month...
"I haven't gotten laid all year, what's one more month?"
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
Just before midnight tonight, I’ll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 p.m. and noticed the clock turn to midnight.
I thought, “Same shit. Different day.”
Make sure you raise your left leg at midnight tonight guys.
Let’s start the new year off on the right foot.
I was sitting on the toilet having a poop when the clock struck midnight
Don't kiss after midnight
It's not proper to kiss on a first date!
I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 and the clock struck midnight...
Make sure to lift your left foot up at midnight tonight.
Start 2020 off on the right foot.
I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59PM and the clock struck midnight
I thought, “same shit, different day”.
I was sitting on the toilet and having a poop when the clock struck midnight.
Same shit, different day.
If you are sitting on the toilet pooping starting at 11:59 and the clock strikes midnight...
It's the same crap, different day.
Last night, I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 p.m. and the clock struck midnight.
I thought, “Same shit, different day.”
Remember not to kiss after midnight, folks.
It's not proper to kiss on a first date.
Don't kiss after midnight, folks
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 pm and the clock struck midnight. I thought 'Same shit, different day.'
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